Opinions needed please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Opinions needed please!
12
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 5:03pm

Hi everyone!

Opinions/comments please. Two weekends from now my daughter, myself, my friend and her daughter are going on a weekend holiday 10 hours away. This trip has been planned since April and the airfare and hotel is already booked. My husband is an avid camper and ATV'er and usually spends the occasional summer weekend out "with the boys". I am usually home holding down the fort as that is not my bag. My 18 year son who now has a car (you've all seen my posts about him) is still home but not working YET. I warned husband way, way back and up until now that I need him to be home that weekend as I wont feel comfortable going that far away and leaving DS home alone. Husband proceeds to tell me this morning that he now will be going away the weekend I am planning to and says DS is 18 years old and will be fine at home on his own. I am so angry! I said no, he knew I had this weekend planned and I will worry the whole time I'm away thinking of DS home alone being a new driver now with a vehicle let alone the worries about parties (although son is not a drinker but it just takes a few kids), fire, not locking doors, etc. (you know what I mean). I have no family or friends that can stay at the house and DS really only has one friend and they have animals - DS is allergic and can't really stay there too long without getting all stuffed up and sick. Son can't go with him because we only have one ATV and he would be bored staying back at camp the entire time. Husband wont take turns with him either (I know, I know - been thru this 100 times).

I am so upset about this whole thing. Husband's selfishness is horrible but I shouldnt be surprised - he's been like this all his life. Even though DS has a lack of friends, it only takes one to communicate that there's a free house and look out - been there done that! Where do you get to the point where you can trust your teen or should I say adult teen alone? HELP!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 4:30pm

I agree w/ your plan. I have been thinking about this recently since I have a 16 y.o. DSD whose gandmother doesn't get along w my DH. She can visit grandma whenever it's convenient for grandma (or if her aunt wants a babysitter) but if we ever wanted to get away for the weekend, my DH could never ask grandma to do it or she might say ok and then come down w/ an "illness" the day we are going to leave or something like that. I have kind of resigned myself to never being able to go anywhere til she graduates from h.s., which really irritates me since my kids could stay w/ their dad whenever. He is very flexible. (And no, she could never stay w/ my ex, although she did stay w/ my 80 y.o. mother for one weekend.)

We are going away for a weekend w/ the kids this summer and my 17 yo DD doesn't want to go since she doesn't like my DH or DSD (another story). I told her she can't stay home alone at night and she either has to stay at a friend's or her father's and I have already asked him about this and he agrees. My DD is very responsible but I would be more worried about something happening to her. My DH's reaction is she can't stay home because sometimes she forgets to lock the door and someone might steal his cameras or laptop. Seems we have diff. priorities! I have also heard horror stories about kids having parties that get out of hand even though the kid whose parents are gone never invited the other kids.

I did live away at college when I was 18, but since it was a dorm it wasn't totally unsupervised or unprotected. He could get an apt. at 18 too. I think it's wise to have a neighbor looking out for him. I guess I would just tell him not to tell any of his friends that he will be home alone and that people are watching him. Good luck.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 4:40pm

Since he has never given you reason to mistrust him in regards to drinking, partying etc, and since you don't have much choice anyway, I agree with the "proceed with caution" camp. Make your expectations clear and also the consequences for not meeting those expectations. Lock up/stash away anything valuable or fragile etc. Lock up any alcohol in the house. Be clear about which friends if any he may have in the house in your absence, and specify any behavior that is prohibited on the premises. If you want your neighbors to call the police if there appears to be a party at your house talk to them now--like someone else mentioned there is the possibility of kids showing up because there are no adults home. Also go over what HE should do in the event something like that happens. Can you tell that I have BTDT?!

It is normal to worry about them a little even when you trust them so accept that you will worry a little. Good luck, and have a good time on your trip!

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