OT-marriage, depression, etc
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| Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:23am |
I didnt have a better idea of where to post this-sorry!
It seems that DH shares many characteristics with the DHs here who have been diagnosed with depression or biploar type disorders
As time goes by here, I am finding it harder and harder to stay happy living with someone who is so chronically negative and unhappy.
I need to talk with like minded people. Relationship boards here on IVillage seem filled with 20 somethings. The Divorce boards are similar age wise or at least geared towards 'after the fact'
The 40/50 parent board doesnt seem a fit
Are there boards on IVillage or elsewhere that might meet my needs?
Those of you have dx'd spouses, are there resources out there in book form, etc that were of help? I'm sure I could find 100 books on Amazon on the disorders but this is a 54 yr old man and a 24+ year marriage. I dont want to read about teens acting out right now

How about this one? http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhfamschiz?redirCnt=1
A while ago I posted there a bit and found them to be fairly supportive and informative.
My issue is that my H IS depressed and deals with it by using alcohol as his way of coping - not constantly, but ongoing. He refuses to speak with his DR about it, or me, and says that I just like finding things wrong with him. I could write a novel right now on some of the strange conversations we've had. You would think that by withnessing everything I've gone through with dd17, he'd be more open to some discussion about his own mental health, but he's not.
I hope you find someplace where you feel comfortable.
I have found the families and mental illness board to be very helpful. Also, if you go to any major bookstore, there will be a whole section on psychology, including books that are totally about living w/ someone who has a certain mental illness. It's not that helpful if the person hasn't been diagnosed cause you don't really know what you're dealing with.
My DF used to drink heavily and I think that was his way of coping w/ depression. My DM dragged him to a counsellor once and his reaction was that everyone else had a problem, not him. I haven't had to deal w/ this problem, but I believe that AA has groups to deal w/ that, like Al-Anon. I know it's impossible for people who don't believe they have a substance abuse problem to change, so you have to decide whether you can handle it. Would he consider going to marriage counselling? Good luck.
DH48 has had 3 major attacks and many minor events since age 26 when he got his tonsils out during emergency surgery and they didn't realize he had internal bleeding til he went into arrest at the hospital...we've battled these things since we met when he was 30/me 29. He pops in and out of depression that he won't share with anyone, but by now I can tell when he's in a funk. He's also lost his job for a year, now had one for 9 months, but has nothing in stone as of 12/31 so I fear we'll be in that boat again...
So I can definitely relate...
Sue
Sorry I don't have any resources for you. I do know that our commuity counseling center offers support groups for spouses. That may be something you could look into.
My dh has bipolar, as does my son.
stacy