Our community is in shock

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Our community is in shock
7
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 8:32am

Our community is in shock after waking up this week and seeing
on the front page that a trusted caring teacher, one that was
respected and loved was arrested for molestation. He was my
childs teacher a few years back before he retired. My husband
had his suspisions and told me that he thought that the guy
was capable of such things back then. Even if we had told someone
it would have been on deaf ears. Because the teacher was so loved
by the parents and children. He was one of those teachers that
parents just thought so much of.

here is a link to the story. Its sad..

http://www.roanoke.com/news/nrv/wb/83803

Mr Utin was a pillar of our community and to see this is
horrible. A bail of $500,000 has been set. I guess because
he told police that he had molested as many as 100 little
girls within his teaching career. He even voluntierd as a
sunday school teacher, was a manager of a local pool. I cringe
to think how many little girls between the ages of 5-9 that
he has molested... how terrible.

How can this type thing happen?

Signlady


"We are Virginia Tech - we will Prevail"


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 12:20pm

Im curious what your DH saw years back-do you mind sharing?

I work with the 0-3 special needs population and all the service coordinators like me are female as are 95% of the therapists who go into the home to work with the kids.

I have no qualms about the men I work with in regards to the issue you speak of-please dont misunderstand-but I find that men in a female dominated field tend to be idolized!

They are seen as 'wonderful' when, in reality, I couldnt rattle off what set them apart from their female counterparts. One of our male therapists is horrible with paperwork and makes our lives miserable but we seem to tolerate it yet get upset with the women who do the same thing

Sometimes I wonder if, as women have grown in status and power, we have managed to 'poo-poo' some attributes of men. I mean if my husband had feelings about this guy I guarantee he would expressed it in a way that I would have rolled my eyes and dismissed him-he would have said he 'looks gay' or said he wasnt ambitious enough if all he wanted to do was hang with kids

But....maybe we SHOULD listen to macho men a little better and judge men in traditionally female jobs a little harsher

I dunno-it's fightening to think of how long this fellow got away with what he did

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 12:50pm

We all like to think of people in terms of nice neat stereotypes. Bad guys look a certain way, good guys look a certain way and you can easily tell who is good and bad by their looks and behaviour.

Unfortunately....not so easy. How many of these creeps end up being that nice guy who lives down the street who is always so friendly and polite? Some of them are even dads with high profile jobs, married etc.

I don't pretend to understand what goes on in the minds of people who can do such things. Its scary to think you don't know who to trust. Interesting that your husband though had an instinct about the man....unfortunately we don't all have these sorts of instincts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 7:51pm

I'm a teacher, and I've seen it TWICE now. 6 years ago a fellow teacher who I considered a close personal friend, and who even lived with my husband and I for a time, manipulated a 15 year old boy into a long-term sexual relationship. We really had NO CLUE and wouldn't have believed it, right up to the day he was caught! And then just last year another teacher that I knew casually, but who had a great repuation as a phys ed teacher, was arrested on charges of really BRUTAL assaults against several teen age girls, with video tape proof. He committed suicide later that week. Both cases shocked the heck out of me and made me see that you really CAN'T "tell". And I have a certain sense of "guilt by association" because you'd think that we, the friends and colleagues, SHOULD have been able to tell (and I think the community must be feeling that as well).

BTW - did you take the opportunity to speak to your son? Is there any possibility he may have been harmed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 9:50pm

I mean if my husband had feelings about this guy I guarantee he would expressed it in a way that I would have rolled my eyes and dismissed him-he would have said he 'looks gay' or said he wasnt ambitious enough if all he wanted to do was hang with kids....

That's about how it happened... I thought he was over reacting, as this teacher
was idolized as you said..... he was great with the kids and they loved him, as
well as the parents. I have no doubt that parents would have left thier kids
in his care, thinking that he was fine.

My husband had a previous encounter with this guy before our child even got to
his classroom and he wasn't very impressed then. My husband has a way of
weeding these guys out. He picks up on these things as he was once taking
classes to be a detective. This guy was way to touchy-feely. He was always
affectionate, and now we know why. Just makes me sick.

Signlady


"We are Virginia Tech - we will Prevail"


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 10:00pm

I was very concerned because my son is adhd/odd with emotional disorder.
With that being said,in his IEP he was a "helper" to this teacher and
often was with him when others weren't neccessarily around. But he assures
me that he wasn't harmed at all. I asked him if he ever seen anything
that would make him think this teacher was doing this and he said no.

My daughter on the other hand is 2 years older than my son and she was
always telling us he was a pervert and to friendly with the
girls in his class. Of course I figured she was exagerating. I really
hate that I didn't listen to them. I hate it. This man was a soft
spoken man and there was just no way I figured that he would do such
a thing.

My children didn't know of anyone being harmed by this teacher, as I have
asked them. And they assure me that they weren't harmed either.

Signlady


"We are Virginia Tech - we will Prevail"


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 11:52am

I am so sorry your community is going through this!

I live in a small community in San Diego. There is a man that lives here that is ALWAYS hanging around the schools, sports events, etc., all on the guise of being helpful. He's there with snacks and candy for the students involved in the district musical, with water at the school jog-a-thons, helps with the local parade, 6th grade end of year picnic, etc. ... you name it and you'll find him there.

There are PLENTY of parents here who abhor the guy, think he's creepy and feel the it's inappropriate and that he doesn't need to be hanging around the schools or kids as much as he does. I know of at least one parent who complained but, he's still around all the time. I don't know that he even has a real job, because he's always around volunteering. He could be completely innocent of anything besides truly wanting to help people, but it's so odd and makes me so suspicious that I won't be surprised if he's the subject of an article similar to the one you posted someday.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 1:29pm
The first thing a pedophile or person like the teacher does is earn the trust of those around him,be the parent or children. Most children have been told by the offender "if you tell anyone I won't be your friend" or "This is our little secret" Also take note, these types of people give the attention many people love to receive, no matter what the age. Trust in any relationship builds a strong foundation.(This is a game to them and strokes their ego) You have praised this man very well.Obviously he is very good at manipulation as well.That is why it is very important that parents,aunts,uncles and grandparents KEEP THOSE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN at all cost! Empathy goes along way. I started to say to my son" Wow, it must be hard in this day to not give into peer pressure" or when his friends are around,I take note of conversations.
You are very lucky to have a good community. Band together and support these girls and their families. We had a similiar experience in my own family...Cousin Stevie. Love, care and understanding for these girls is critical.God bless your husband for having a "gut feeling" about this man. We teach our children in prevention classes "if it doesn't feel right, tell someone".
Good luck and my thought are with you.