out of control 15 year old

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
out of control 15 year old
4
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 5:31pm
Our daughter is 15. My husband is her father. Shes so far out of control we don't know what to do. Sinse my sister moved here in the neighborhood 2 years ago, she has 4 kids but my daughter hangs out with 2 of them that are bad influences. Her attitude & mouth have changed drastically. She has a history of running away when things don't go her way. My mom & sister live down the street. She is very defiant & disobediant. Plus she has a huge attitude problem & uses profanity all the time. She has this I don't Fu**** care attitude I will do what ever I want when I want. She sneaks out at night after dark with her cousins & they hangout in groups in other peoples houses that we don't know. They apparently drink & smoke weed. I even found a condom in her laundry one day. She denies being sexually active. My mom takes her in every time & doesnt see that she is condoning her running away. Shes in trouble in school a lot also & has been suspended many times. The school called probation on her for verbally threatening a student & verbal abuse to the bus driver. She got suspended off the bus too. My husband & I want to have her stay with his brother & his 2 teen daughters & g/f that live 2 hours away. Were not saying forever but just for a few months. We think she needs to get away from my sisters kids. It would do her some good to be around a better influence. She says councling is stupid & refuses to go. We don't think it's wrong to make the choice but my sister thinks it is. Our daughter seems to think it's fine with her to stay there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 6:10pm

I think you need to keep her at home and work through the problems but, sadly, I have no brilliant suggestions as to how to do that

I think 'sending her away' will be seen as exactly that

Have you tried a family meeting? Pehaps your family will agree to try your plan if you set a time limit?

Like "lets try it my way for 6 weeks-that's all I ask"

Insist they send her home or call you to come get her anytime she runs to them for just the trial period

We live near no extended family and have no divorce between the two of us. There IS NOWHERE for our kids to run to or for us to debate sending them away to-I think thats a good thing in a lot of ways. We're stuck with each other LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 6:30pm
We tried a mediation that probation recommmended & it didn't help. It's hard to keep her home my mom lets her back each time. We tried talking to my mom but shes in denial about it & doesnt see alot of the things that go on.
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 6:52am
I think sending her to the cousins' house MAY be a good option actually. She could go for the summer, be expected to get a job (many places hire 15 year olds) and follow the house rules. Given the fact that things are not going well in the current situation, she needs to make some changes. With your mom and sis's kids in the picture that is not likely to happen. The only problem I see is DD may cause a problem for brother and his family. You will probably need to discuss any consequences for bad behavior ahead of time with him and have him really follow through (is he willing to do that?) She may not like it but she will have to realize that her behavior is unacceptable. If brother's kids are "good" he probably has some house rules in place, which she would have to follow.
Deb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 4:45pm
My husbands brother & g/f already had a talk with my daughter. She seems to be doing good there so far & understands theres rules there. I wish she could of been like that at home.