Out with a fizzle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Out with a fizzle
13
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:32am

I posted a week or two ago about how my DD16's boyfriend of 3 months has seemed to have lost interest over the last few weeks. Now it seems he is totally ignoring her. She said that he didn't talk to her at school at all yesterday. I guess it's understandable that a kid that age could lose interest, even if he did pester her over and over to go out with him in the first place, and he used to follow her everywhere like a puppy. She says they never had a fight or anything. I feel bad for her having to see this happen and not understand what is going on. She says she plans to break up with him as soon as this week's midterms are over.


My question is--how many of you have seen this happen before? I could understand if either of them had found someone else they'd rather date, or if they had had a fight or weren't getting along. But to just lose interest after only 3

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Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:39am

I think it's pretty normal.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:39am

This hasn't happened yet but I dread it. If they were older, I'd guess he was cheating on her. It's so hard to gauge stuff with these kids, especially when they are so involved in each other lives. Gossip, rumors, etc. Hope your DD comes thru this with as little hurt as

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:50am

DS2 was my only high school dater so Im not very experienced. He definitely only saw girls a few times and moved on to someone else. He did not want a high school relationship and will tell you, at age 20 and in an exclusive relationship, that it was the right decision.

He was very intimidated by the parameters he saw in high school relationships. He found GFs to be very controlling of their BFs(Im just telling you HIS thoughts)He was also totally freaked out by the crying. He claimed that there were constantly girls having to leave class to go talk to their counselors because of break ups. He jokes that if the thoughtful guys managed to hurt THAT many girls, what would HE do? Obviously, there was some exaggeration and playfulness in those statements, but I think it's safe to say the drama he saw scared the heck out of him

So, if you are looking for words to comfort DD, I would say it is about him, not her. I dont know that, of course but it sure seems females tend to assume its them. There was just some letter in Dear Abby with some grown woman wondering if she should fix her breasts to get her BF back, for heaven sake!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:13pm

I have boys, so I see things from their side.......well, sort of......when my oldest decides to confide, which is hardly EVER.


I saw him go thru girls like water in middle school---esp. 7th grade.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:38pm

It is sad and unfortuntate how many women, young and old, define their self-worth based on their ability to attract and keep a man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 1:16pm

Diamonds,


I hope you were just referring to windrush's comments about the Dear Abby letter & not my DD! I never said her self-worth was determined by her ability to attract boys....this has strayed a little off my original topic.


But since you brought it up, a really good friend of mine is a single mom. She recently started dating someone only to be told by the guy-after they had become quite involved--

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 1:23pm

Fizzle seems more typical than the big breakup, in my experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 1:39pm

I imagine it was the Dear Abby letter Diamond was referring to and I didnt mean your DD was acting like that. But I don't want her to obsess that she did something wrong or there is something wrong with her but rather that this is likely about the boys interest in having a relationship at this moment in time because some boys just dont want it!

Sorry, if I took things off topic. I was trying to point out what the boy might be thinking. And the Dear Abby letter was on my brain for some obscure reason

We tend to base 'normal' on our peer group and that of our kids. If all the boys and girls in DDs group pair off for long periods of time, his actions seem peculiar. Living with DS2 and having discussed this a few times, it seems normal to me!(SO teases him about not having a relationship in HS-she finds it HUGELY peculiar-and he seems to feel the need to explain and defend his choice)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 2:09pm

My DD was seeing someone last spring, and it was fizzling, and like your DD she decided to do an official "break up".

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 2:16pm

But I don't want her to obsess that she did something wrong or there is something wrong with her but rather that this is likely about the boys interest in having a relationship at this moment in time because some boys just dont want it!


ITA! My DD took it much more personally when her first bf dumped her for another girl. That really hurt a lot! She seems basically OK with it this time. She says there must be something "wrong" with him--i.e., that it's something on his end,and not anything having to do with her.

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