Over protective parenting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Over protective parenting?
15
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 6:41pm

On the "urgent advice" thread, sunnymommillion made this comment:


"We are afraid of the outside world harming our kids. But I think it's key we let them know we trust them."


I decided to start a new thread to toss out an idea or two, based on what she said.


In the past few days there have been several posts about "should I let my child do this" and "my kids say I'm overprotective"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 4:14pm

You're so right, and I don't think I'm an overprotective parent at all, but still...I do see some valid points to those who seem like they are overprotective at times.


For one thing, yes I've instilled my values throughout the years but as a parent and human, I question whether I have done ALL that I could, or if perhaps I forgot something in the hustle and bustle of every day getting through the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 12:15am

My parents were funny. With some things they were super overprotective, with others they were way more permissive than even I am. And I think I'm a pretty relaxed mom.

They were far less concerned with safety than I am with my kids. I worry about them getting hurt or getting lost all the time. Whereas at their age and younger I was free to roam about the city on the subway, on busses, on the streets by myself and without a cell phone! Imagine that!

But socially my parents were super protective. I wasn't allowed to go to school dances (except my prom). I wasn't allowed to go to the movies, to go on dates, to be out past dark, to hang out with friends after school, to sleep over friends houses, to have boys call the house -- you name it I wasn't allowed. They were Italian immigrants and you just didn't do these things until you were of a marrying age and even then only under the watchful eye of your family. This is where I am far less protective. I know my kids, I trust they will behave themselves and choose wisely, they have given me no reason to mistrust so I am far more open in this area. Sure I have boundaries -- curfews, rules, and the like. But it isn't all about "no, you can't do that" but more about "you can do that under the following conditions...".

But I admit living in a big city where there are drive-by shootings, street races, fights, date rape drugs in drinks etc etc., I get very concerned about their safety and I will be less inclined to be permissive about late night events, all ages dance clubs, or parties at houses of friends I don't know. I just don't think my dd is ready to handle herself at these sorts of places as the pressures are just too great. Maybe in a couple of years...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 7:09am

My parents were much like yours - as far as freedom to roam, they pretty much let me do what I wanted as long as it was just the girls, but were very over-protective when it came to boys.

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 12:03pm
I think that you have to make judgements based on the maturity of the kid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 12:37pm
Wow! Thank you!!!!! You hit the nail on the head. "Parenting out of fear." That is me. I'm so afraid my only will get snatched, hurt, you name it i've thought it. This summer I've slowly been letting go. It's soooo hard. :)

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