Overweight Teen Son

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Overweight Teen Son
10
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 11:20am

Hi Everyone!

My DS, now 18, is quite overweight. He's a tall boy, almost 6'2" but still very heavy. He's had weight problems for the past 5 years and even though I've tried talking to him nicely, removed junk food from our home, etc. it still hasnt helped. He doesnt really eat a lot, its just WHAT he eats and of course the soda he drinks. He's never been interested in sports, we've tried 'em all - he's a gamer and when he's not working, spends all his time on his computer playing games or on his Playstation.

Anyway, I booked a family trip to Mexico earlier this week for January. I am really concerned about the stares he might receive while in a bathing suit. My daughter (13) always teases him about his "moobs" (man boobs) which really upsets me but on the outside doesnt seem to bother him although I'm sure it does to some degree. He teases my daughter back because she's on the opposite scale - very thin - calls her Twiggy. I already lectured my daughter about NOT teasing him while we are in Mexico as he is really looking forward to this trip (he was teased about his weight all thru school).

So I'm a little worried about whats going to happen when we hit the beach and pool. Do you think I should mention to him that its "okay" to wear a T-shirt with his bathing suit if he's uncomfortable or just let it all go and see what happens? If it sounds like maybe I'm the one uncomfortable, yes, I guess maybe I am a bit but I've seen the stares and laughs he's received before at Waterparks and it breaks my heart.

Is there more a variety of body types in Mexico that he wouldnt feel out of place? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 12:28pm
Where are you going in Mexico?
Pam
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 12:37pm

{{{hugs}}} It is so hard to watch our kids being teased. And I feel certain that you are concerned about other things about his weight besides just being teased, but at this point in time, you just want him to enjoy the trip.

I've never been to Mexico, so I have no idea if there is a more varied body-type there than any where else, but I would just let it all go and see what happens. Take some undershirts just in case. Shoot, he may need them to keep from getting sun-burned! In fact, it wouldn't hurt to take some sort of t-shirts for *everyone* to wear over their swimsuits for sunburn prevention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 12:38pm
Same resort as you - Iberostar Del Mar. Really looking forward to it. I hope my son wont be embarrassed or feel too out of place. This is the first family holiday we will have in 4 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 1:22pm
My 15 year old son is a little overweight - he is the same height (nearly 6'2") and weighs about 215 pounds. He asks for help losing weight sometimes, but really doesn't want to do what is required...and he's very sensitive about it unless HE is the one who brings it up. He grew and gained the weight so fast that he's got stretch marks! And I think that bothers him more than the weight itself (you know - weight I can lose, but stretch marks are forever). Anyway, I would probably NOT suggest the T shirt. I'm absolutely certain that he can figure that out on his own, and that he knows exactly what he looks like in a bathing suit and what kinds of looks and comments he gets (and aren't people just AWFUL?? Makes me so mad!). I'd leave it up to him and not bring it up; let his mom at least be one person who seems HIM and not his appearance (and maybe tell your daughter to lay off, too!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 1:35pm
Yes, my son has TONS of stretch marks too which makes things worse. I feel so bad for him because I've seen how mean others can be! We have come a long way with him in the past 6 months - he is now a great kid to have around and is starting to mature. I want him to go and have such a great trip - just hope that we get thru this part of it okay. I have talked to my daughter about teasing him and she gives me the old "you never get mad at him for teasing me because I'm too skinny". I do tell him not to tease her as well but for some reason its worse when you're overweight as opposed to underweight. She doesnt get teased like he did so I guess maybe I stick up for him more, I dont know.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 3:14pm

>>>Do you think I should mention to him that its "okay" to wear a T-shirt with his bathing suit if he's uncomfortable or just let it all go and see what happens?>>>

I think he knows what he looks like and you should not say anything at all to him. He will decide to wear what he's comfortable wearing. Pointing it out and talking to him *unless HE brings it up* will only point out to him how uncomfortable YOU are with it, which to a teen is translation for: "my mom's embarrassed by me". Let him work it out. If he asks, make you comment. Otherwise, clam up.

>>>If it sounds like maybe I'm the one uncomfortable, yes, I guess maybe I am a bit but I've seen the stares and laughs he's received before at Waterparks and it breaks my heart.>>>

Of course you're uncomfortable with it. You love you son with all your heart and want him to be happy and confident. Does he comment on his weight? Does it sound like maybe he'd be interested in joining a gym for weight lifting and machines? That would make a nice holiday gift, if you think he'd appreciate it. I think you have to be really careful with broaching the subject with him. If he is honest about the fact that he's overweight and wants to change it, then you can easily talk about it and help him find a way and support him along the way. However, if he's lazy about it and fine with his physique the way it is, then you should probably leave it alone. He may be dying in shame inside or in a depression and he may need help with this, but you would know best if he's open to discussions. OTOH, he may not really care what people think.

Just like here, Mexico has varied body types. I didn't notice anything different really.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 3:27pm
I've been there. My 13 year old hates exercise and carries an extra 15 pounds. I've felt awkward in some bathing suit social situations. We have a swimming pool, so we see a lot of kids every summer. Many kids, fat or not, wear swim shirts. Some kids are uncomfortable exhibiting their bodies even when they aren't heavy. We've even had an ultra-conservative Christian family over- - the girls and the mother swam in dresses with bloomers on! I think it should be fine for your son to wear a t shirt or even one of those sunscreen shirts meant for swimming and the beach. He's old enough to decide for himself. For the long haul, weight reduction could be a family plan. I have found that tight portion control really helps everyone in the house reduce. Instead of a whole box of pasta, I only make half a box of noodles and divide that amongst the five of us. My husband laughed his head off the first time I served him a reduced serving, but 30 pounds later, he was feeling pretty happy. I tightly manage portions on everything but steamed veggies and salad with light dressing. When we first made this switch, I advised everyone to fill up on the veggies, and it worked. It sounds like soda may indeed be a problem for your son. We never have been big soda drinkers, but my kids were getting into the soda-drinking habit. Despite the complaints, I started buying only diet soda. Over time, I switched to making ice tea (Splenda sweetened), and then, finally, to water only. Soda is a really sneaky source of calories. I simply do not buy it unless we are having a party. There are a lot of health reasons that demand effort in this area. The nationwide increase in type 2 diabetes translates into shorter life spans. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 3:37pm

He decided about a year ago to try and lose weight so he started drinking diet soda and water but it only lasted a couple of weeks and he was back to his old habits. Now that he's 18 and working full time, he bought himself a small fridge for his room and buys his own soda (not diet of course) so I have no control over his habits anymore. What he doesnt like to eat in the house, he just buys his own.

I have offered a gym membership for b-day and Christmas presents but he says no, he doesnt want them. I know his weight gain 5 years ago was due to depression but i didnt recognize that until about a year ago and by that time the weight was already there.

I hope in time he will decide to do something and I will be there to help him if he asks. I love him so much and just dont want to see him get hurt is all. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 4:04pm

<<>>

Hippie Hollow in the early 80's.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:19pm

It's hard to see your kids suffer, and I feel for you. My DD (now 15) was an overweight pre-teen, and it was such a balancing act between letting her be who she was, and talking with her about how to lose weight if/when she was ready.

I would definitely get your DD to stop teasing your son. Surely she can find other ways to aggravate her brother! lol

I also would continue to offer ideas, healthy foods, opportunities to work out, etc. When he's ready, he'll make the commitment. One suggestion - it can be overwhelming to think about a long term weight loss - it seems like it's un-doable. Maybe you can make a short term agreement with you to try a change in foods for a couple of weeks, and see if it works for him. I'll bet he'll lose a measurable amount of weight in a short time, be encouraged, and want to continue. I did this with my DD when she first started to try to lose weight - don't focus on the whole deal, just do it a week at a time. As she saw success it became easier to stick with it.

But start after vacation - let him just enjoy it!

Sue