Parental Control Software
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| Mon, 11-13-2006 - 10:27am |
I am having problems with my 14 year old daughter. She is too obsessed with talking on the computer. Also, her grades have slipped. The computer is in MY BEDROOM. Yes, I moniter her usage when I am home, but many times she is home alone. I drive several soccer carpools for her and her sister and brother. My husband is working a long-term assignment in another state, so I am the single parent for the moment.
Has anyone out there tried any of software programs that are geared to limiting what your child can access or limiting time on computer? Also, has anyone tried a stealth program which enables the parent to moniter what is being said? I am not sure that I want to invade her privacy that way, but I also have a right to know who this kid really is. She is a people pleaser who tends to only show me what she thinks I want to see. I would like to hear from other parents regarding this and their experiences.
She was grounded (from the computer, social stuff, etc...)for the worst report card she has ever had (she has always been a straight A student), and I caught her last night IM-ing her best friend (a boy, who totally disregards any of my rules). I realize she has no self-control or discipline and also that I cannot always be here to enfore the rules. I need to find a software program that can put the brakes on her usage. Any help????

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This is your first problem. It seems that she, and not you, are controlling the situation. You better get a hold of this problem, because things are only going to get worse. If it's your computer, your house, your electricity, why is she calling the shots? Obviously, she has something to hide. I would get monitoring software on, and quickly...
Yes. I don't know how to set computer "limits" on IM capabilities. I know there must be a way to do that; I don't have AOL myself but surely there is a way. If nothing else, the log itself (keylogger) will tell you when she gets on and when she gets off and you can restrict her time that way. Tell her she can only be on IM during particular hours, or whatever, then tell her a new log on the computer will tell you whether she's been obeying that rule. The tough part for you is going to be enforcing that because she isn't going to like it...
The other thing to watch out for is myspace. She won't like you monitoring that site, either, but too bad. Too many moms don't monitor that site and don't know that their dd's have almost pornographic photos of themselves up on their sites. Really sad.
Turn the Guardian back on. She brought home a bad report card. Remind HER that something's changed since SHE started spending so much time on the computer, and when SHE starts proving to you that SHE can bring HER grades back up then you'll think about cancelling it back off. And, when she fixes whatever's wrong, then she'll earn back a little more fun computer time. And, remind her that if she wants more independence and freedoms, she's got to earn it. She's 14 and doesn't need privacy on something that can potentially cause her harm, ie bad grades, chatting with a boy who does not respect your rules and who knows who else when she's home alone. And, if she's spending so much time chatting, maybe she doesn't really need that much computer time.
Sallie
Computer monitoring software and access limitations have been a frequent post to this board. You may want to check the archives for similar posts.
There are actually quite a few things you can do to control this.
First, and most straightforward are the physical controls such as simply removing the keyboard or the main power cable. They must ask you for it back. Great for when you’re out of the house, but unless you’re standing there, not much activity control.
The other things really depend on how computer savvy your kid is. Setting up you as administrator and the kid as user requires a password which you can supply, but windows passwords are a joke for a novice hacker.
Setting up “content advisor” in IE can block specific websites but is virtually worthless in content control. This also assumes the kid is unskilled in accessing alternative web browsers.
Editing the “hosts” file also blocks specific web sites but assumes the kid is not aware of its purpose or file location.
Many homes are now wireless which requires a router. The newer routers provide a more flexible access control menu which allows you to specify blackout times and block web sites. This is very secure if you use a strong password to the router.
As a last resort, spy programs such as Spector Pro allow you to know everything that is done on your computer.
In my own experience, my kids were not particularly computer smart. At younger ages, (through middle school) I’m convinced they did not cognitively grasp the concept of the internet despite repeated explanations. e.g. They simply could not “get” that what they were typing did not remain in front of them on the screen, or was retained in the little computer case, but was blasted all over the world. The risk to our own family privacy prompted me to install Spector Pro and was programmed with significant amount of access limitations.
There were plenty of times “homework” consisted of e-mailing, journal blogs, random surfing, etc. I have never allowed IM on the computers, ever. (That caused a lengthy 7th grade fit.)
The spy software was short term. I erased it shortly after DD entered high school and she proved her internet use was nothing inappropriate. (No more names, phone numbers or addresses in journal blogs!) But I’d suggest being extremely careful with spy software. Remain focused on your intent and know when to pull its plug. I reached a point where continuing to monitor was itself inappropriate. There was no more “at risk” concerns insofar as computer use; simply personal information to friends which, frankly was none of my business.
I don't read my 17-year old son's messages. He has always been honest with me.... and I feel like I am invading his personal space if I spy. My 14-year old daughter, however, has been giving me a run for my money lately. I check her AIM messages daily. I have mixed emotions about the spying. I have read several really negative, mean things that she has written about me to friends. That is hard to take... especially when I feel like I am trying with all my heart to be a good Mom to her. I more importantly have discovered several "relationships" that I knew nothing about and have been able to steer conversation to topics that I feel need to be talked about. She has no idea that the scoop software is out there. Overall, I'm glad I bought the software and I think it allows me more control. I'm sad that I'm in a situation where I need to spy.... and still wrestle with that. Good luck to you!
Ok, this is really the experience I wanted to hear. My 14 year-old DD sounds just like yours. Most of the time she is very sweet to me, but I know she is a people pleaser who hides anything she may think I disapprove of. I, through snooping, found out about crushes, wild friends, etc... that she never even mentioned to me. One time she even left my husband and I an accidental "gift" up on the computer...an IM convo w/ her bf that was loaded with info about other friends, who had been drunk, been intimate w/ boys, etc... It was shocking to say the least, but a real parental awakening for us. It's doubtful that we will have to do this w/ our younger dd because she doesn't have the same need to talk w/ friends and she has never been one to hide anything. We feel the need to do this with the 14 yr old based on her personality (she hides a lot), slipping grades and because she already has disobeyed a punishment. Thanks for your input.
One question, this IM grabber, does it give your child any limits or does it just copy the conversations?
Well, yesterday I decided to download a trial of PC Tattletale. Ok, now I'm convinced. I found out that she hasn't been on IM, but has been willfully defying me and going on my space. I also found out that she and her bf are truly "in love" and not just friends and that they are planning to sneak out of the house tonight after I go to bed so they can meet. I smelled smoke and it turns out there's a fire. Slipping grades, defying punishments, etc.. lead me to this, but thank God I can now do something about it. I really like this software because it also captures screens so that I could print out proof and back up for my file. Lots of amazing things you can find out about their friends on my space too. With all the current modes of communication out today, parents need a way to combat the negative influences coming at their children on a daily basis. When I was this age, we only had a phone, with a cord on it, in the middle of the family room where everyone could hear you. There just weren't the vast communication opportunities that there are now to plan and get into trouble.
As I said, I doubt I'll ever have to use this for the other daughter, but my 9 year old son....hmmmm....I think where he's concerned, my biggest battles may be yet to come. Such is life.
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