parenting long distance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
parenting long distance?
7
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 5:51pm

My son,17, is attending a university that is 953 miles from home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 6:08pm

I feel for you, Stacy! I try not to think about that with my daughter! That time will be coming for me shortly! I came across this article the other day...hope it helps.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 8:01pm

Honestly the only thing that worked for me was little emails; mostly jokes or silly pictures (we're lolcats fans) - I'd say maybe 10% of the time I'd get a response but I definitely did not ask how things were going more than once, because then he felt we felt he couldn't handle himself. He never shared minor problems - he was determined to handle them himself so he'd feel self-sufficient. He didn't really have too many major problems the first year - one was girl-related, and one related to a class that 75% of the kids in it were failing, including the honors kids.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 9:11pm

"Parenting" someone you've trusted to move 900 miles away, take care of themselves, and not pour your money down the drain, is a little different from parenting before that event.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 10:19am

His first day of classes was today and I already miss the routine of sititng in the kitchen at the end of the first day and hearing all about the classes, the teacher etc..

I felt the same way last year!! In high school, dd18 used to get off the bus, come through the door, and talk to me from 2:55 until 3:25, when I left to get her brothers. And I was usually interrupting a story to leave. ;)

It was definitely different, but what really helped her feel good when she left was mail. Even though she was only five hours away, she only came home on breaks - no extra weekends. I didn't realize until we visited for her bday how much the cards we sent her meant to her. She had every single one taped up and she clearly had read them mulitple times. She also was wildly appreciative of the cookies/care packages we sent. Sometimes I felt like I was bothering her, because she didn't always respond, but she later told me that she loved getting emails and texts, even just one-liners to say I love you.

As far as problems, she basically handled them all herself. She'd occasionally ask for advice, but she's pretty independent. Now, I'm pretty controlling (I admit it's one of my faults) and I had to bite my tongue to not ask, "so, have you signed up for classes yet?" "have you met with your advisor?" "are you thinking about a job?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 4:59pm

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 5:35pm

You'll probably get more/better insight on this from the Parents of College Students board, though many of us post in both places.

Rose is right, you really aren't supposed to be hearing every detail at this point.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 9:27pm
Yep, lots of lolcats from here too!