Parents using drugs with kids
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| Wed, 05-09-2007 - 6:12pm |
I am not a parent, but I would like to get some advice from anyone offering it.
I am very close with my boyfriend's family, and I am becoming very worried. His family has 7 kids, and the youngest are a 16 year old girl and a 14 year old boy. The mother and father have always let their kids drink large amounts of alcohol and have parties with kids as young as 13 being at their house. However, this was just the beginning. The mother has begun using marijuana daily in front of her kids, and smokes with her sixteen year old daughter and her friends all the time. I have tried talking to the family and letting them know that I do not agree with what is going on, and I have spoken to the 16 year old girl trying to convince her that she is not leading in a good direction. I know that she looked up to me alot and would always come to me for advice, but now she is so far into using drugs that she does not care anymore.
I guess you can say I gave up a little, and I no longer goto my boyfriend's house because every time I'm there I am worried that some young kid at their parties is going to get alcohol poisoning, the neighbors are going to call the cops, someone is going to drink and drive, or just because I cannot stand being around people smoking marijuana.
The most disappointing thing that has happened is that my boyfriends sister and my younger brother know eachother from school and my brother was invited to a party over there. I couldn't believe it when my brother told me he went over there and saw my boyfriend's mom rolling a joint and smoking with some 14 and 15 year old kids.
I haven't talked to my boyfriend's mom in a couple of weeks (we were VERY close before) and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so worried that they are going to end up in jail, or someone is going to get very sick and no one will be around that realizes these kids can make poor decisions and end up losing their life.
Does anyone have any advice about what I should do? I am so confused because I don't want them to think I am trying to parent their kids just because they don't care about them using drugs. As some of you are parents, please let me know if you have ever seen a similar situation or what you would do. Thank you!

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Call the police and discuss your concerns as to the safety of minors visiting the house.
Think about it this way. How would you feel if something did happen? As an adult, the parents can do what they want but they have NO RIGHT to provide alcohol and drugs to minors they are not the parents of. They are contributing to the corruption of minors.
Who cares if they get upset with you. Do you really want to be around people who have no consideration for the welfare of others? the laws of your country?
You sound like lovely smart young woman. I hope this young man is worth it because you don't need to be mix up with such a family.
Where I live (in Mass.) someone can call the child abuse hotline and anonymously report any suspected child abuse or neglect and then they have to investigate. You shouldn't be worried that the parents might go to jail because they should in fact be arrested for what they are doing, which is committing several crimes. I feel that maybe as adults if they want to smoke pot, that's their business, but smoking pot and allowing teenagers to use drugs and drink a lot is definitely child neglect. What happens if their kids end up going on to other drugs and become drug addicts or alcoholics and have this problem for the rest of their lives? I would also advise your parents not to let your brother go over there at any time because of what is going on.
If these people (I can't call them parents, cause they are certainly not acting like it) let kids drink at their home and then drive and someone gets hurt, they can be sued and lose their house. They can also end up in jail for that. There have been articles in our paper about parents who think they are cool and let kids have parties at their house and end up arrested for supplying alcohol to minors.
What is interesting to me is that you don't say anything about your boyfriend's reaction to this? Does he think this is normal behavior or does he disagree w/ it too?
You have not said how old you are....
My boyfriend totally disagrees with it, but he feels as if he has done everything to try and convince them to stop. He has tried to talked to his parents and siblings about it numerous times, and they just tell them that they're not going to allow parties over their house anymore, but they never go through with it.
It's really how crazy all of this happened. When I first met them, they were Jehovah's Witnesses and went to church all time. They were completely against drugs because they said that they're religion saved them from drugs many years ago. Now all of a sudden, they stopped going to church and pretty much backlashed. I completely understand if they want to use drugs on their own time, but they do it and don't care who sees them or who knows about it.
I truly am worried that something bad is going to happen. My boyfriend's sister will have friends over that have never drank before and they will end up getting so drunk that they are throwing up in the bathroom all night. I just can't believe how ignorant they are being to the fact they are letting other people's children do this and can cause serious damage to them.
Thanks for all of the advice. I know what I should do, I guess I am just trying to see how many people agree with me.
I know this puts you in a tough position, but be assured that if you don't do it, eventually they will get caught anyway, hopefully before anyone dies or gets seriously injured.
I grew up in an Italian home where everybody drank wine and we were allowed to have a little at home. If my 18 yo DD wanted to have a drink at home, I would probably let her, but not so much that she would get drunk and never to anyone outside the family.
Remember that it can be worse than just throwing up in the bathroom all night too..
I know some parents like this. Now dad is sitting in prison, all the kids work minimum wage jobs, one is pretending to homeschool on the internet but they haven't had internet service this year. Last I heard, they were living without water and electricity.
They openly smoked pot, let their kids smoke with them, and later I discovered they smoked with my son also.
And I disagree with the pp's who said you deserved a better boyfriend. I hope no one judges me because of my parents....
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It sounds like you've given this quite a bit of thought. I had a mom that allowed my friends to come over and drink. There was even marijuana involved at times.
As an adult, and parent now, I have a completely different take on the situation.
1. It's illegal. Even for a parent to offer alcohol to their own child, in their own home - it's illegal. How do kids learn respect for laws if their parents play loose with them?
2. There are different types of alcoholism. You never know if a person has a predisposition to the disease. One drink might be all it takes. Those adults are putting kids lives at risk, even if the teens aren't drinking to excess.
3. Think about your brother. I'm a bit shocked that you didn't put a stop to that situation, but you didn't talk much about it, and perhaps there are more details. I would seriously consider letting your sibling know that he is NOT to enter that house, or you will have to step up and say something to an adult somewhere.
4. If something happened to your brother, or another young person, after being in that home, you would have a very difficult time dealing with the face that you knew of what happened in the home, and didn't report it.
5. Use your parents! Let them know what's happening. Or at the very least, follow the advice of the other poster that said to talk to someone at the police station about what you should do in this type of situation. I'm sure they will have some good advice for you.
Think long and hard. This is a serious, and potentially dangerous situation.
Actually, it's not against the law to offer your own child a drink in your own home.
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