Party is at dad's house...
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Party is at dad's house...
| Mon, 03-06-2006 - 3:00pm |
I am a single mom of 5 kids (most of the time really great kids) but their father is a whole different story. We split up almost 10 years ago and don't always agree on how to raise our kids. My middle daughter is 15 years old. And about 6 months ago she went to her dad's for the weekend and when all was said and done I found out that it wasn't just for your normal visit. She threw a party for all her friends while she was over there. My ex denied knowing anything about it. I expressed to him that it was EXTREMELY important for him and me and his girlfriend to be on the same page about teenagers drinking. That it was under no circumstances ok for her to be drinking. He agreed with me (well sort of). I think he just gave me lip service. For several months I kept my daughter away from his house but have recently let her go back. My son who is 17 and goes to the highschool with my daughter told me last friday that he had heard rumors that my daughter was going to throw another party over there over the weekend. It troubles him to hear other kids talking about "his dads house" as being the place to be for partying. He didn't want me to say anything to my daughter who I had already told she could go to her dads for the weekend. I tried to find other ways to keep her from going over there and she got very upset and of course called her dad and had him call me to find out why I wouldn't let her go over for the weekend. So I told him that I had heard rumors about her throwing a party there. He assured me that he would be home the whole weekend. That he knew what my rules were and how strong I felt about her drinking and that if I let her go he would make sure nothing happened. BUT from what I am hearing today she did have a party over there on Saturday and is actually planning another one for next weekend. I call my ex to discuss this and he says no way it didn't happen. She had two girlfriends over Saturday night when he went to sleep and that he would have woken up if there had been a party. I find out that my son and my daughter are in a huge arguement and I know it is because of whatever happened. It is hard enough raising teens. Dealing with the almost certain alcohol use, skipping school, fights, heartbreaks, etc. etc. But to not be able to trust your child's father when they go there. I don't know how to handle it. I am very concerned about her throwing parties, about her going to parties, and now about her spending time with her father.

Geez, hope, what a handful. I don't have any btdt advise, but I would be sorely tempted to discuss with your ex his "liability" in a situation like this. He obviously doesn't care what she does, but what about his own skin? You might also imply that you will be watching....
I would not have said a word to my ex. I would have waited and when I was certain there was a party occuring I would have been a good citizen and phoned the police.
Laura
Laura,
That's exactly what I wanted to tell her! There is always next time!
I will keep that in mind. It is a very good idea.
Right now I am keeping her away from there. I ended up having a HUGE arguement with him and his girlfriend which absolutely accomplished nothing. Then I had a LONG talk with her last night and I am not sure what if anything it accomplished but at least talking to her I feel like there is a chance that she hears some of what I say and like I am able to make some differences.
Teenagers are so much fun!
I agree with everyone. I'd remind both your EX and your DD about the legal concequences.
Mily