Paying for college

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Paying for college
15
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:08pm

A couple of the discussions about college brought up this question--My DD is a senior who wants to be a nurse. She has top grades, is in National Honor Society and I think her SAT scores are pretty good. She is taking them again because she wants to see if they go up--totally her idea. So I think she could get into a really good school, but we can't afford to pay.

Obviously, we are going to do the FAFSA and look for scholarships. I did an online search for nursing scholarships and you wouldn't believe the wierd ones that are out there, there's one for people w/ Italian ancestors who want to be nurses, for example.

I am trying to convince her that it would be great to go to the state univ. and not have the burden of student loans when she gets out. There's a nursing shortage, so she should have no trouble getting a well paying job, then she can afford a car, an apt., etc. and not have all her pay going to pay off the loans. She is resentful that I was able to go to a private college that now would probably cost $40,000/yr. Unfortunately, we are regular middle income people and because I got divorced, I could hardly pay my bills, never mind save for her college.

Now I think she is resigned to going to state univ. (there are a couple of locations to choose from). I think she should also apply to a couple of private schools to see what fin. aid she gets, but I know she would be really disappointed if she got into the school she really wants to go to, and then couldn't afford it.

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:37pm

First: >>She is resentful that I was able to go to a private college that now would probably cost $40,000/yr.>>

Uh, too bad. The fact that you are willing and able to send her to college on your dime is wonderful! Perhaps a gentle reminder of all those really bright students who have to forego college altogether so they can help support thier families will change her mind. Or what about the potential students who don't qualify for financial aid and wind up working or in tech school or community college instead? It's the longer route, but at least they're trying.

>>Unfortunately, we are regular middle income people and because I got divorced, I could hardly pay my bills, never mind save for her college.>>

I hear you on that one 100%!! I was in the same boat and living month to month while even thinking about saving for college has been extremely stressful.

>>Now I think she is resigned to going to state univ. (there are a couple of locations to choose from). I think she should also apply to a couple of private schools to see what fin. aid she gets, but I know she would be really disappointed if she got into the school she really wants to go to, and then couldn't afford it.>>

State university schools are awesome - nothing to be turning her nose up at.
If her SAT's are good, and she's an A/B student, and she is POSITIVE that nursing is what she wants to do, she should apply to 4 schools. Two state universities within your means, and two private. See what offers she gets. In the meantime, register at fastweb.com and scholarship.com and apply for everything there is. UMASS has excellent programs that are affiliated with the Children's Hospital in Boston, an excellent facility. State University of NY, Stony Brook, is a working hospital with an excellent reputation. So is UCONN. You could be visiting these campuses and as she pours over all the literature from each, she will see that they offer some really great opportunities. And as you said, there is a shortage of nurses, so with her grades and strong will, it's likely she would be eligible for all sorts of grants and scholarship money. BTW, state universities tend to offer more monies than private schools.

Best of luck.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:47pm
Why do you say 'resigned' for state school? I went to a wonderfully rated state school (big 10 - which has a phenomenal med school), not because I couldn't get in elsewhere (got in to U of Chicago, MIT, Notre Dame) but because I didn't want my parents coming up with the money. And I've never regretted it. Is out of state tuition way out of line to consider a state univ. elsewhere if that's something she'd consider?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:14pm

For DS2 it was a status thing-going out of state,particularly to a warm climate, was seen as 'cool'(we are in IL)Going private was 'cool' and something the high income families were at times providing

Seriously, if there was some legitimate reason he needed to ge somewhere-wanted to study whales and needed to be on a coast-we would have talked, but he couldnt even take the time to fake a warm weather career interest??????? ;)

He is at a state school IN A DORM. We found out after the fact that he and best friend chose this school based on the idea that they had limited dorms and would get an apartment

He fussed and threw some tantrums about both the school and the dorm but he is FINE-in fact, he is having a ball-one very excited kid!

She will get over it

But...we did tell him he was welcome to attend a private or out of state school if he could find a way to make the dollar amounts match. He made no effort but your DD is in such a high demand career-its very possible she could find something at a desired school

I know someone has said state schools are more generous with funding. I had actually heard the opposite but dont have any personal experience

I got very frustrated with teh scholarship search. My kids have high test scores and mediocre grades and everything was phrased as needing both. We never fit the ethnic stuff or the place of employment stuff or the extracurricular stuff and mine had no idea what they wanted to do

DH says HES going to look for next year-I said 'good luck, dear'

I wonder if the services you can hire to search scholarhips are worth it? I think there are opportunities out there but I have no idea how to find them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:29pm

Thanks for the advice and the websites.

Instead of comparing herself to the less fortunate, my DD seems to have friends who will point out that their parents are willing to fund their whole college ed. no matter where, so she feels deprived. It's like she was happy that her grandmother gave her a used car, but then she found out that other kids didn't have to pay for their own gas & ins. like she does. Well, you will always be unahppy comparing yourself to someone who has more. I told her I didn't own my own car until I graduated from college and she just said it was different back in the old days. In a way it was, none of my friends had their own car in high school, even the ones whose parents had more money. We just took the bus or took turns borrowing our parents' cars.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:40pm

I agree that it WAS different in the old days, but don't you think we appreciated things a great deal more than kids do today; now they often "expect" them, rather than appreciate. I'm not saying all kids are that way, but it seems the more we do for them and the more we give them, the more they expect, and less they appreciate.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:55pm
Well, I'm trying my darndest to help my dds' be more appreciative by working towards things like a car, insurance, gas money, college....lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:59pm

Definitely research for as many scholarship and student loan options as possible. Sure, it would be nice to be loan free after school but, if she wasn't loan free it wouldn't be the end of the world. She wouldn't be the first nor the last.

In my opinion she should start FIRST with a list of ideal universities or colleges for her profession that she believe she would qualify for, regardless of financing. She should then apply to them all and also apply for her financing options. First and foremost she should aim for the school she wants to attend.

Then she should rank those universities along with a number of other factors. She should rank them in order of her preference, education-wise. Then she should rank in order of finances. And she should also consider things like other expenses such as costs of living. One of the things I find about the post-secondary experience in the US that is somewhat unique is that a large majority of people go away to university and live far from home and this adds GREATLY to the cost of education. In Canada where we are 80% urbanized ie most people live in or within commuting distance of a major urban center, it is more feasible for people to still live at home and it makes it much more affordable. Is this an option for your dd?

Otherwise....she's going to have to start working. I had to work from the age of 14 to start paying for university. It was a given....summer and weekends I worked and put all my money into a savings account and that went towards my tuition and other education costs. I had no choice. My parents were working class immigrants. I went to a school to which I could commute and didn't have to live away from home. I did without alot of luxuries like spring break trips and the like.

However, the major learning I have had in the work force is that a good education is important but it is not the only factor to success in life. We have to make the best we can with what we have and if we are dedicated to learning and growing and doing our professions in the best manner possible, it doesn't matter what school we went to....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:59pm

We told our kids up front how many $$$ were available for college. They were told the rest was on their shoulders. They could apply anywhere they wished, just don't ask for more $$$. They chose their colleges accordingly, looking carefully at merit aid availablity at their preferences and knocking off those that didn't look promising overall.

Now, my younger son's friend in hs came from a 'comfortable' home. He was convinced if he got into MIT or Rose-Hulman types, his parents would pay. He only applied to two colleges I'm aware of, Rose-Hulman and U of KY. Well, along came the bottom $$$ and gee, guess what? His parents were NOT willing to pay for RH. He ended up at UK.

I find that very frustrating, as this kid was Sal and NMF. He had doors open to him across the country if he had simply looked and applied, and it would have been tuition, and often full ride guaranteed on the NMF alone.

He didn't look. He wasn't aware. Noone pointed this stuff out to him, and more importantly, his parents were not up front about the money issues. He took things for granted and they weren't completely forthcoming with him. Now he's at a 4th tier school while my youngest is at a much better school, because one looked without reference to $$$ and the other did.

One other point for your dd, $$$ is one of the major reasons for dropouts in college. Loans get to be too much, working while attending, unexpected home expenses, etc., interfere and careers end in the ditch.

It is only sensible in this day and age to consider $$. We are not the Joneses. We are not going to attempt to keep up with the Joneses. Who knows? The Joneses may end up derailed down the line because of unforseen circumstances. We go with what we have and know. I'm glad. Dh lost his job this year. The one and only thing I'm not concerned about is my boys. They are self-sufficient at 19 and 21 years of age. 21s is on fellowship, working on his masters/phd, and 19s is on scholarship plus ROTC/National Guard. Regardless of our circumstances, they at least, are on course.

Some things change over time, but one thing we can all be certain of, is that life is never a sure bet. She's better off being sensible now. Don't nurses, (like teachers and engineers), earn the same $$$ amount, regardless of where they graduate from anyways?

Just my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 2:09pm

My DD has been working since she turned 16, in the summer and during the school year. One diff. I noticed from when I was a teen is that I was always able to get a full time job during the summer (and I didn't work during the school year). Now it seems that stores love to hire kids but even during the summer, they don't get more than 20 hrs./week. Unfortunately, she has to work to pay for gas and car ins. so there's not much she can save for college.

I do agree that if she gets into a good school near home (and there are plenty of them in Boston) she can live at home and save money. One of her top picks is Northeastern, which just for tuition is still probably $30,000, plus they have a co-op program, which means it takes 5 yrs. to graduate instead of 4. However, during the co-op, they can earn money, which does help.

I also agree that going to a better school isn't going to get you a higher starting salary. My DH (who was a nurse for a very short time) thinks she should go to a state school and maybe later she will want to get a master's. If she's lucky, she can get a job where the hospital will pay for her education.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 3:13pm

Amen! It makes me sick that in my ds10's 5th grade class almost every kid owns an Ipod, and at the high school, the teens have them whether their parents have money or not. God forbid their little babies suffer without the latest gadgets. In my home, one kid has an Ipod (ds16) which he got for his birthday last year, and which he hasn't been able to use for months since he stepped on it while dancing. For his birthday, we will probably have it fixed. One of my ds10's best friends even has his own cell phone (!). Who does he call? None of his friends are old enough to have their own cell phone! Geesh!

And btw, dh and I have been married for 19 years and we are not suffering financially by any means. We even have a "rich aunt" and a "rich grandma" in the family, and they would die a thousand deaths just to know that we spent that much money on one birthday gift. We don't believe that giving our kids every little material thing they want is teaching them a d#*^ thing, other than how to be a spoiled brat.

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