Paying for hospitality?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Paying for hospitality?
14
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 2:57pm
My 15-year-old daughter just spent a week in a resort area with the family of one of her friends. The parents have asked me to reimburse them for food expenses. (My daughter's diet is pretty average in quantity, quality, and type.) I'm going to pay up quietly but I wonder--am I behind the times, or is their request tacky?

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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:11pm
I would pay it quietly too....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:24pm
Short answer, no it's not.
Asking AFTER you agreed that DD could go, or AFTER they return is worse than tacky though.
If they asked up front, and you agreed to allow her to go you have no complaint, and got your DD a cheap trip it sounds like.
No one's been dumb enough to take any of my kids more than a weekend somewhere, but we did take DD's frd along with us to Orlando last year. Before the frd was asked to go I made sure that the parents would allow it, and that they would pay for her Disney ticket. We provided everything else from food to transportation, etc. Her mother gave her extra spending money to get DD something that she really wanted while we were there and I thought that was very nice of them, frd's mom said she got off cheap and was quite happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:24pm

I had a girl stay with my dd and I at a hotel for a dance competition as her parents were working and couldn't attend the entire time. There were two full size beds and it was just the two of us so it was no big deal to have her there. Her mom did leave her with some money for food but I ended up paying for alot of it myself as it wasn't really enough. But then her parents, grateful for the hospitality, took us out for dinner and I was fine with that.

To me I would have been okay even paying for her and I didn't need the dinner or anything. But they were just trying to be polite in thanking me for looking out for their daughter. However I wouldn't dream of asking for any money. I made the offer to have her stay with us anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:10pm

Well, I think you should have asked before you accepted so I feel you both kind of fell apart in the communication department

I would have given the parents a gift card for a dinner out upon their return even if they said they didnt want money for expenses and the boys always carry money for incidentals like Tshirts

A week is a long time-JMO

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:31pm

It is tacky of them to ask AFTER the fact. These are issues that should have been discussed beforehand.

When my then 15dd went away with a friend's family, I enclosed $300 in an envelope. One hundred of it was for food (which included a dinner theater one evening). One hundred was for park entrance fees, etc. And the balance was 'fun money' for dd to do with what she pleased. The parents never asked me for a penny, but I offered it up and they were grateful.

I'd pay it quietly to them and remember this for next time. Make all plans and arrangements up front so you know what will be expected of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 6:17pm
I think it's something that should have been worked out up front. When I was a teenager my family took a friend of mine to FL with us - we went to Disney and some other sight-seeing places. My folks paid for the hotels, transportation (we drove), and I think they paid for her to get into some if not all of the sight seeing stuff. Her folks gave my folks some money for meals and incidentals. I think it was a bit presumptuous of you to assume that they would pay for your dd completely but I also think that they should have asked you up front for a certain amount or mentioned that they'd keep track and let you know when they got back how much you owed for meals.


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

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Pam
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 6:19pm

Did you offer any money to help with food or anything?! Maybe they were taken aback if you didn't offer or your daughter didn't help pay for any of her meals. We just took a friend for a week at the beach. When the other parents said that their son could go, they offered to send money with him for food and gas etc...we declined and said thanks anyway, but this trip was going to be our treat. We did tell them to send money with him if he wanted to buy himself any souvineers etc.. One of the nights we were out to dinner, the child asked the waitress for the bill and paid cash. The other family obviously didn't take no for an answer totally :) > I must admit, if they didn't offer, we wouldn't ask, but I would have thought it strange for someone to send their child with us without even an offer of some money. Just my opinion.

Julie

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 8:16pm
My initial reaction is yes, "after-the-fact" does feel tacky. But, I totally agree with the other posters that you and the other family *should* have discussed money up front, either before you agreed to let your dd go or at least at the time you accepted the offer. If you invite one of you dd's friends to the movies and they assume you will pay for her ticket etc, that *might* be a valid assumption (however, even for a movie outing, I *always* offer to pay my ds's way--most times, the offer is declined, but I believe the other parents appreciate the offer) but a whole week at a resort is a whole other matter. I suppose there could be extenuating circumstances here that we (as a board) don't know about, thus leading you to believe all your dd's expenses would be paid. If there are none, I think you should gladly pay for your dd's expenses, even though it is after the fact, and, if it were me, I would probably apologize for the mis-understanding on the expenses.
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 12:08am
I think like the others do that you should have discussed this before she went. I can see where the misunderstanding came in especially if the parents didn't talk particulars. We are taking ds's friend with us next week and I was just talking to his mom tonight about this subject. We agree that whatever expenses we would have had anyway she won't be paying for. ie: we had to pay for the room anyway and it won't cost any extra, she won't pay for anything there. On the other hand she will pay for the tickets into Cedar Point and for at least part of his food. But not for traveling expenses.KWIM?
KRistie
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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 2:57pm
tacky, if you invite you pay unless you are upfront about splitting the costs!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

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