Paying for hospitality?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Paying for hospitality?
14
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 2:57pm
My 15-year-old daughter just spent a week in a resort area with the family of one of her friends. The parents have asked me to reimburse them for food expenses. (My daughter's diet is pretty average in quantity, quality, and type.) I'm going to pay up quietly but I wonder--am I behind the times, or is their request tacky?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:03pm
i think it's tacky, only because it was after the fact. my parents policy is that my friends have to buy there extra stuff, clothes gifts w/e. everything else we take care of. if I've been invited on a trip my mom always asks usually i just have to bring sending money. however i always take the family out to dinner during the course of the trip. ( i think it's polite).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:10am

my2kidsmom--Thanks for not piling on! This is what I was taught, too. Look at it this way. How would you feel if a boy invited your daughter on what sounded like a traditional date, and then unexpectedly made it known that she was supposed to pony up for her half of the dinner bill? I realize it's not exactly the same thing, but the same principle applies. You invite someone to do something with you because you want their company and you want to show them a good time--not because you're looking for someone to split the grocery bill. Yes, entertaining can be expensive; but you don't spend more than you can afford, and you don't entertain above your means.

My daughter went with plenty of spending money (which she earned herself), and the stay was at a resort with cabins where you do your own cooking. So there weren't huge restaurant bills or admissions to amusement parks in the first place. And then when these people arrived to pick her up, they asked me for grocery money. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:33am

I haven't read many of the responses, but here's my two pennies and sorry if I'm repeating ...

If your DD was invited to come along, then yes, I do think it's a bit tacky of the other parents to ask for money for food. Since you were asked however, I think you are doing the right thing by paying them whatever it is they are asking.

That said, however, I would have asked beforehand what sort of $$$ my child needed, and would never send either one of my children anywhere without some money of his/her own and with the instruction to offer to pay for their own meals, incidentials, etc.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:29pm

I agree with those who said it was tacky to ask for money after the fact.

We took DD's BFFL on a weeks vacation with us last month and made it known up front that all she needed was spending money. We felt that asking for money for those things we had already planned on spending, would have been tacky on our part (house rental, car rental, etc.) and like most teen girls - she eats like a bird. For us, it was about making the vacation more fun for our dd and about spending more time with her bffl who we adore.

I will say that when we got back from vacation, the bills were a bit scary looking - higher than we had planned for - so it would have been tempting to ask dd's bffl's family to pony up - but we wouldn't/couldn't do that and feel good about it. We asked her to come and asked for spending money for bffl only upfront.

On the other hand, my dd went on vacation with another friend earlier this summer and we were asked upfront to contribute $200 to the food and gas fund for the week. The girls (6 of them) were staying at a family house - so no lodging costs - but the mom was driving the group and of would be stopping at restaurants along the way and stocking the house pantry for the week. We thought this was a very generous offer and when they returned, my dd bought the family a nice restaurant gift card in appreciation.

I'm the type however, who would just quietly pay the bill now and keep it in mind for the future. If something comes up with this family again, I'd be sure to ask upfront what the expenses will be like so that you can factor it into your family vacation budget.

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