Please help- before I go bald!!
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Please help- before I go bald!!
| Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:08am |
I'm ready to pull my hair out over my 16yr. old daughter who will not stop lying. She lies about everything ! Little things....I was walking through the living room & overheard her saying on the phone that she just woke up around 3:30. Ten minutes later, she told her grandmother that she didn't take a nap! Big things...my cell phone went missing, but no one has seen it for 2 months, then suddenly she "finds it under her grandmother's bed." These are just two recent examples of an ongoing chronic problem with her. She gets very upset that I don't trust her, but no matter how much I want to & try to, she makes it not possible.

This reminds me of my 16 yo DSD, who lies about things big and small. My opinion on her (which might not apply at all to your DD) is that she does this because her DF is not a very easy person to live with and she is either afraid of getting caught, or in a way, I also think she tries to get back at him by using passive/agressive behavior. Like she doesn't feel free to stand up to him so she does things that will make him mad and then lies about it.
She has lied about things like not talking on the phone late at night (when we are in the next room and can hear her talking), skipping school (I caught her hiding in the basement and she said she was sick). She also lies about stupid things, like we had an ongoing issue that he would buy himself some goodies and put them next to his chair and he didn't want anyone to eat them. Then of course, some would be missing and noone would admit to it. This really got me mad because I felt like she was getting my kids in trouble because she wouldn't admit to what she was doing. Now even this weekend, my DH found that some money was missing from a big jar he keeps loose change in. He said he also had some dollars in there that were gone. I didn't say anything, but my DD is 17 and has a job were she makes usually over $100 a week, so she doesn't need to take a couple of dollars from his jar, plus if she wants money or hasn't had a chance to cash her check, she has no problem asking me for money. My DS is only 11 and can't even go to a store by himself, so again there would be no need for him to take money. But I don't feel like getting into an argument and accusing her, when I really have no "proof." I just know from the past that she can't be trusted not to lie.
I don't really have any solutions for this either. She had gone to individual counselling & the 2 of them went to family counselling, but I don't really know if it helped. Of course, my DH has bipolar disorder and he can't see that by over-reacting to every little thing, he has made her afraid to tell the truth. My kids will tell me things even if they have done something wrong, cause they know I won't go crazy. My DD did admit to me, for ex., that she has tried alcohol and that most of her friends drink, not something that I was happy to hear, but to me it's more important to keep the dialog going so that she won't do something unsafe like drink & drive.