Please help me....I'm really on the edge

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Please help me....I'm really on the edge
16
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 3:15pm

This is an update from before (heart attack post)
I posted this on the Divorce board but no one is there so I thought I'd see if anyone here can help me....

I am about the end of my rope with life in general. MY DD (not), 14 is moving to her dad's (2 miles away) 50/50 becuase she and I are oil and water right now. She doesnt' want to live here so her father and I will go 50/50. Had another blow up with her last night and I told her to call her dad to come pick her up. He did. I am losing my mind. I have so mucch stess in my life right now. My anger just gets the best of me.

1. DD and her crap mentioned above
2. ex and his crap
3. I am going to college full time and my grades are really slipping GPA normal 3.57
4. My mother is coming into town tomorrow and house is disaster
5. My mom coming into town-major stress, Love her but still stressful
6. Finances are slim to none, we just qualified for WIC/ reduced lunches again with the 50/50 agreement going into place. UGH!!
7. My desktop computer is about to die-need it for school, classes, here, sanity
8. My period just started (yeah fun)
9. Tornadoes in neighborhood and general nad weather
10. I am not getting enough sleep

My question is: my family has a history of depression and my mom, sister and brother are all on Wellbutrin for it. I am the only one not but given what's happening in my life now, should I go and get some to see if it helps my situation??

Will the court or ex see it as a hinderance in me keeping my other two kids in my custody?? IS it a sign of weakness or am I just being stubborn and pig headed. I think I can handle the truth, what do you guys think??

LARK

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 8:48am

{{lark}} Go see your DR and get the meds. No, the court will not see it in any way as being an unfit parent or reason to remove your other children from you. Actually, if you look at it from another viewpoint, it may make you look even better because you are taking care of yourself and doing something to hold things together.

I take Wellbutrin XL and I only take it about 5 months out of the year usually during the winter months (I get SAD). But last year was a terribly stressful year for me and my DR recommended that I stay on it longer.

Other things that help me to keep a clear head is walking or gardening - alone. Just taking a few minutes (30) each day to be alone and allow myself some time to just be helps. Another thing that I've started doing lately is jumping on a mini-trampoline (I got it for $20 at Sears) - it releives stress and it's fun and it gets the endorphins going, plus maybe I will lose a few pounds too!

The combination of making a few changes in my daily routine along with the Wellbutrin has really helped me and I think it's worth it for you to check out. And BTW, no one even has to know if you're taking it. It's not like you have to have a News Release, right? Whatever meds you take is a private issue and an SSRI antidepressant is not a mood stabilizer so it really won't make you loopy or disoriented - no one will notice a major difference, except that maybe you won't be so stressed or moody or irritable anymore.

I hope you're okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 8:53am

Lark,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I too live in tornado country and can completely relate. A couple years ago, our home was hit by a tornado, DD (15) started cheating on her b/f, they broke up, he stalked her for a year, she started drinking, lying, grades fell, oldest DD's computer crashed (she was in college), Dad had heart problems, I too was in college, changed jobs, dog disappeared (ex b/f stole it), major car problems, best friend was getting a divorce and having a meltdown, the list goes on...... I survived, we all did and are much better people for it. Oldest DD is in graduate school, I graduated, house is all repaired (except for 2 cracks in the wall that just refuse to stay mudded together), the ex b/f is behaving himself, youngest DD is behaving herself and is making straight A's and about to graduate high school, Dad is doing better for the moment. This is not to say that things are always 100% peachy and rosy but they are better. For about a year, I didn't sleep, everything I ate went straight through me. I realized that I had to get things under some control or I was going to get a much needed rest the hard way - in the hospital. The doctor put me on anti-depressants and Ambien for sleep. I became a much calmer person very quickly.

Here are some of the inexpensive things I did:

1. Prayed alot.
2. Sought counsel from my pastor.
3. Vented here.
4. Practiced the advice from the pastor and others here.
5. Gardened - pulling weeds is extremely theraputic.
6. Read alot of parenting books directed at parenting teens. My favorite was: Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love by Scott P. Sells

The more expensive thing that I did was on the advice of my pastor who raised 3 girls of her own and 2 step-sons. She advised that I go to a teen counselor - one that usually works with teens. This counselor helped me understand why DD did the things she did and how I should respond. She also offered some suggestions as to how to deal with the controlling ex-b/f.

Would it be possible for to take a lighter class load this summer or maybe not even take classes at all? Since I am a college instructor, I truly understand the importance of what you are doing in getting your education. You are not only improving yourself and making your income potential greater, but you are also showing your kids that same thing. You are teaching them a work ethic and how to study and ttake control of their future so please do not entirely give that up but you may want to consider taking a very short break. However, for me, studying was a release from the family stress - it gave me something else to focus my mind on.

On a practical note about the computer being on its last leg. Ask the computer department at the college if there is someone there that can take a look at it. They may be able to help you out some with a few minor repairs. Also be sure and e-mail any important assignments to yourself that way they will be backed up on the e-mail company server and can be accessed by another computer if need be. Just this morning, I've had two students come in with corrupt disks and they have lost the entire assignment that was due today - not good!!

Also, I would go to the band concert but maybe you can get a neighbor or a friend to watch the other kids so it won't cost you so much money. Offer to help them out sometime.

I wish you alot of luck and am sending many hugs and prayers your way. Please post as often as you need to. We may not have an easy answer but we can listen and offer support and that really does make a difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 11:43am

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

Reading it from someone else makes me not feel so out of control and maybe that's what I needed.

My mother gets here in 3 hours and my house is still a wreck ( by her standards) but I already have told her that and she is being sympathetic to my present situation with everything. I'm not worried about that anymore. The tornadoes, there were 105 recorded touch downs and 9 people killed this weekend in my area of the country. My kids hate any kind of bad weather and me having to also worry about that on top of everything else, just was not good so I listed it too. I will take a year sabbatical from school since I am so up in arms with everything. I still have time to finish up my degree and my youngest is in kindergarten in fall of 2007 so I'll go back then.
I am going to the concert but I'll give her the option of coming home with me or her dad's. Her Oma(my mom) is here until Friday and if she does not come home it's her own fault for not wanting to spend time with her Oma who only comes around once a year.

My relationship with my ex is mostly resolved when life is good but when he is siding with her and telling it's all right to act this way to me, that's when I have a problem with it.

I better jump in the shower so we can go to the airport to pick up Mom.

Thanks and if you have anymore advice, I'm always reading....I made an appt and Wellbutrin is most likely going to be the way I am leaning...My sister says that she can cope so much better when she is on it.

LARK

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 11:53am

Lark,

I've really been thinking about you and am absolutely delighted that you posted to let us know of these positive steps that you are taking. One step at a time! It will get better!!

Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2005
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:06pm
PLEASE get yourself seen by a doctor. I have a long history of depression on both sides of family. Thankfully for me, I've managed to escape, but my husband, sister, mom, not so lucky. They are all under the care of doctors and are each taking something. NO it is not a cop out or a crutch. YES, if you see a good doctor (essential) it will help you tremendously. Wellbutrin is the only reason I've stayed married. It has helped my husband become who he's supposed to be and not an emotional disaster. When things get rough he's able to move forward rather than have a melt-down. My sister is on Paxil and it's the only reason she's able to exist. She was suicidal. I'm thankful for these medicines. People may call them cop-outs, but for my family they've been a lifesaver. Literally. As for the legal stuff, I don't know. If you start on Wellbutrin or other meds, make sure you are very careful about the way you take them -- they can be difficult to come off, so don't miss doses, etc. and stay in close contact with your doctor re dosage. Good luck - these meds saved people I love, so don't hesitate because of phony stigmas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 2:56pm

I don't think so...I haven't read all the OP's so forgive me if I'm repeating something, but I'd also like you to consider perimenopause symptoms. I am 45 and in that situation. I once heard a joke that most moms hit perimeno about the time their dd's become teens, and boy what a recipe for disaster! LOL.

I have had some emotional times lately with my dd as well - times when I feel that everything I have done is for nothing. I think our hormomes are acting wacky at this time and can often bring on/cause depression.

I can't imagine that your ex could hold it against you that you get help when help is needed. From what I've heard, you have to show a pattern of mental health problems/abuse in order to have custody removed. Bottom line: if you need help, get it, and to h*&% with him!

The stepmother thing: boy, do I feel for you. That is so unfair....

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