Please help..16yr old ODD/won't talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Please help..16yr old ODD/won't talk
6
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 10:40pm

My son (16) has ODD/ADHD and we are having a lot of difficulty
with him now. He is taking Wellbutrin and Adderall. He is being
very agrumentive and he gets upset very easily. He is arguing with
us, lossing his temper, angry and resentfull. He is expressing
vindictive behavior, and often blames others for his mistakes. He
is very easily annoyed, has NO friends, and will not communicate
to others. We are having a heck of a time...

Can anyone help us? I can't take it anymore. Thought of
military school, but can't afford it. He isn't in trouble
with any police or anything. Just we can't take the fighting
anymore. His 18 year old sister wants to move out because
she can't take it anymore.

Thanks in advance.

Signlady


"We are Virginia Tech - we will Prevail"


Avatar for audreyoka
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:54am

Have you worked with a counselor? So often, counselors can offer ideas and suggestions that we just don't see as we are way too close to the situation. A counselor might also be able to offer your daughter skills/ideas that help her not be so angry at the behavior of her brother.

My daughter is 16. We go for a walk almost every day. It gives us time to talk when the phone isn't ringing, the computer is not with us etc.

What does your son like? Can you spend some time each day side by side doing whatever it is he likes? I only have girls and so I only know where we spend time. We used to go almost every weekend to the animal shelter and walk dogs. We all love dogs and this gave us an hour of great time together. Both of my kids love COSTCO. I almost always can use something there, so we tend to go there about once a week and just walk, talk and browse. We have a weekend art fair here. We tend to go once a month or so. My older daughter and I hit the garage sales once a month. These are just all opportunities to spend some quality time together where we can talk.

Hope that helps a bit.

Audrey :)
http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:58am

Sounds like his ODD is taking a good hold right now. Have you talked to the pdoc concerning a possible change in his medication?

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:27pm
Not much advice, but lots of sympathy. My 15 yo foster son is ADHD/ODD and I know what you mean on every point except that Austin isn't vindictive. I definitely think counselling is a great idea as it seems to be helping us. And perhaps some family counselling as well to help YOU deal with it - especailly in terms of helping your 18 year old daughter cope and not take it personally. We have a 13 yo DD who struggles a bit with that. I try as much as possible to focus on and praise the positives - I'm always telling HIM when he's "done good", but I also make a point of leaving little notes for him, and letting him "accidentally overhear" me telling others how great he is. I try to be very "non confrontational" in the way I deal with him - short circuiting the power struggles when possible. For example, he had a total hissy fit in the car on the way to school one day. I suggested he get out and walk...he said "Oh yeah? How are you going to make me get out of the car?" so I smiled sweetly, told him to have a good day, and I got out of the car (went into the elementary school to read with my daughter's class for an hour!). On another occasion he was blasting the stereo in his room when we were trying to talk to him about something, so my husband just turned off the power. That kind of think leaves the ball in THEIR court, you know what I mean? And if he's just in a verbally agressive mood, I tell him that he can feel any way we wants to, but he can't inflict it on us - he needs to take a walk or go to his room until he's ready to be reasonable (that usually works, but I must admit that sometimes *I* have to be the one to leave the house and take myself out of the situation). He usually comes around really quickly and often apologizes - but I must admit that he's anxious to stay here and that makes him very eager to please. Your son obviously doesn't have the same fear about being moved to another home, and so might not be as willing to. On the other hand, he has the significant advantage of not having abuse and trauma issues to work through at the same time!
ps - Children's services has refused to medicat my foster son. They've tried and he won't co-operate, so they've given up. But I can see from your post that medication isn't a magic bullet solution, so that actually makes me feel a bit better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:54pm

My now 21 y/o DFS S probably has had a label of ODD... he sure got into enough trouble and had a quick enough temper with authority figures as a teen to warrent it, but his caseworkers never chose to share that info with me.

Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 5:23pm

Have you tried other ADHD meds other than Adderall? I've done alot of research, and it comes up again and again about Adderall and anger issues much more than the other meds. Just a thought.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 9:24pm

I wish I could send you some Magic Dust to make this go away but it takes alot of time and patience. My youngest DD is ADD and went through a very rebellious argumentative time and it was very difficult. One thing I learned was that I had control over how I reacted to her behavior and she often fed off of my reactions. So when I wouldn't react argumentatively back she eventually learned that it didn't do any good. That's not to say she doesn't have her moments but they are much, much less now than before. When I had something serious to discuss with her, I would simply tell her that I expected her to listen and let me finish before she spoke. If she interrupted me, the discussion ended right then. I also asked her to think before she spoke even if that meant we had to finish the conversation later. There were many, many times that I would just tell her you are getting upset so we'll do this later and I walked away. She evenutally got the message and now we can discuss most things. Occassionally, we talk through e-mail or letters so that emotions don't run high but you have to be very careful with this - misinterpretations can cause more problems than the letters fix.

At first this frustrated the heck out of her b/c she couldn't push my buttons anymore and keep whining until she got her way but I think now she understands the value of actually talking vs arguing.

I hope this helps!