Please help....My son is FAILING!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Please help....My son is FAILING!!!
6
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 10:29pm

Please help..my son is a slacker! He is FAILING

He is failing almost all of his classes. The ones he is not failing he has D’s and D-’s
(He has 3 F’s and 4 D’s) He is a freshman and 15 yrs old. MAN I HATE THIS AGE!! All he thinks about is name brand skateboards and name brand clothes. And he is VERY self centered…it is ME ME ME with him all the time. I hate it! And I have had it. BUT….I don’t know what to do. I have talked to the counselor at school. She told us to take his MySpace computer page away. But that has not helped.

We live way out in the middle of no where so it is not like we can ground him because he only goes into town to go to school. Sometime I let him stay and hang out with his friends because he does need a social life…but I think that is all he cares about. He does not do drugs or drink or hang out with bad kids. He is kind of like the class clown! Always being silly around and for his friends.

Because of his grades he has even been kicked off the track team. He worked so hard each day after school for track and never even got to his first meet.
He knows he needs to work hard. He is a smart boy...always has been. He blows me away in math! BUT...he is lazy!

I have even threatened to take him out of that school. Maybe I need to do it. Any advice? Please?!?




Edited 3/30/2007 10:31 pm ET by tori69b
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 11:25pm

Hi there...I can relate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 12:30am

You didn't mention why exactly he is getting the bad grades. Is it poor test scores? Or not turning in homework? Or poor project work?.....

A friend is going through this with her son. His test scores are high (As/Bs) but he doesn't do his home work. Different issue. Another friend's son said he skips home work when it is either too boring OR (more typically) if there is something in it he doesn't get, but he's too embarressed to ask.

So then that would make it a tutoring question. His mom has started sitting with him when he does his homework.

One other possibility... my brother did the same thing at the same age. Decent grades dropped to nothing. He had plenty of friends at school but still went thru a period of depression. Started smoking pot and lost interest. My mom didn't really notice. I only know because he told me years later, after high school.

Just a few other things to check
Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 12:59am

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It seems to me that with his cluster diagnosis, that shoud be enough to give him a little slack when turning things in late. Would oral exams/discussions rather than doing written work be easier on him? Maybe not with auditory processing disorder. How about if, because he has an LD, his teacher gives him bonus points for turnig things in on time? It wouldn't hurt to try it just to see if it'll motivate him--heck going from a D to a C is not going to be overly impressive to a college admissions officer, but it could do a lot for your DS's self esteem. Can you work that into his IEP?

Because I work with LD kids, albeit at a much younger age (2nd-4th grade), I see how good they are at some things, and it kills me when I hear/see how our inflexible schools just keep telling them they're failures. I understand you perfectly when you say you don't know if you have the fight left in you. So many teachers/administrators (and even many parents) see all kids as "the typical teen" and refuse to acknowledge and accomodate their individual differences--some working for, and some working againt them. It is so frustrating!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 2:01am

Thank you all for the input so far.

You are right when you say it is a lot of work. I think I may have to work harder with this kid. I sure dont want him to fail because I have failed him. I also have a 9 yr old daughter and a new born baby (well, 5 mos.) But I think I need to get more involved and stick to his side more. Maybe sitting with him while he does his homework is a good idea. He does it in his room....on his bed. He has a desk...but I think I should have him do it in the kitchen on the table.

Oh...and WHY he is failing. Yes.....he does not turn in his work. In Algebra he has 9 missing Assignments, in World Geography he has 10! And all the rest of his classes look very close to those. MISSING WORK! :(

I need to come up with some program for us. I like the idea of talking to his teachers every friday and seeing how things went during the week.

Just thinking outloud....maybe I should Homeschool. Last yr I took him out of 8th grade due to the fact that it was a new school and they just did not have their act together. I home schooled him for 1/2 yr. But it was hard work...I was pregnant. Now I have the baby. Could I really do it all now. Also...if I homeschooled him, how does that look when he needs to go back to school or to college? *sigh*

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 1:32pm


I guess you misunderstood me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 8:06pm

You know, stories about kids who dislike school and structure and fail to show up for classes and turn in work are as old as kids going to school. I chuckle when I hear things like "take away his myspace" ... hmmm.... I knew kids who hated school and skipped classes when I was growing up way before there was such a thing as myspace or video games or mtv ...

So, here's what I would do -- ask him what he IS interested in. Talk to him, openly and sincerely instead of talking AT him. Every kid has something they excel at. What is that for him? Is it his skateboarding? Well, so, go with that. What does he like about it? The boarding or the hanging out or the challenge... There needs to be a deep understanding of your child's goals and desires and interests or even home schooling won't help.

The reason I ask this is the whole "easier to catch flies with sugar instead of vinegar" analogy. Find out what he wants to do with his life and then use that to help make a case for the things he needs to do to get there. Find out what others who excelled in those things did -- what steps they took etc etc. Who are his idols? How did they succeed? There are many paths to success but first one needs to define success for oneself. And as parents its our job to help our kids do that and to help them figure out how to get there.