In the popular group?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
In the popular group?
18
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 10:25pm
Have your dds ever not been in the popular group because they either have acne, a slight weight problem or not as much money as the popular kids?

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Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 10:55pm

There are a couple things I want to say here. First of all, my dd is what I would call a popular girl, she is well liked, kind to a fault, a wonderful listener and gives great advice to her friends. She is well liked by boys and girls alike, but she doesn't think she is popular. I can see it, her teachers in middle school could see it. I am not as friendly with the teachers in HS, but I do know they like her too.


On the other hand she is not a "popular girl" there is a big difference. I don't mean to offend anyone here, but they are the girls Kelsie and her friends in MS called "the Courtneys" because of the "popular girl" group 3 of them were named Courtney. Have you ever seen the movie "Mean Girls"? they are called "The Plastics" in that movie. They are the snotty, self centered, nasty girls who are "popular" mostly because the ones that follow them are too afraid to not hang with them.


I don't see in our schools that it has anything to do with money at all. Yes, these girls usually do have the wardrobe and makeup, but a lot of kids have the same things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 11:31pm

Thanks for your answer--it made a lot of sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 7:31am




The mean girls have been around to a certain extent since the 70s - we had a group in our school who were just awful to anyone who didn't follow along with them and worship them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 7:39am

My DD (who goes to school in the actual neighborhood where they're filming Gossip Girl, btw) has a healthy scorn for the "popular" girls. She's learned early on that self-proclaimed popularity is shallow and not "real". She has alot of friends, and is involved in alot of activities, but is not the "it" group. I think *not* being part of the in-crowd is better - less pressure, not everyone's watching, etc.

She told me that a few of the "hot" girls gained weight over the summer and now everyone is noticing - they definitely get less slack than the less "hot" girls!

Help your daughter find REAL activities and REAL friends who don't care about her weight or her acne or how much money she/you has. That's more important than figuring out the popular group.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 7:52am

My oldest and youngest boys are rather geeky and introverted. Shy and quiet. Not into sports. One was an excellent student; the other not. They had friends but none were 'popular' and they could have cared less

Middle son wanted 'popular'. He carried trays for the popular boys in middle school. Endured the 'punch' game where the boys would punch each other full in the arm to see how much they could take(DS2 was 70 lbs in middle school and since hitting puberty early is 'popular' for boys, some of these boys were 170) He hung with the popular crowd but never quite fit and was never socially happy

The geeky boys found geeky friends. At my youngests 8th grade graduation, he had kids clamoring to have their picture taken with him. One was overweight; one had glasses and buck teeth; one was hyper and always in trouble in class. Sadly, he lost his peer group when eh started high school because our elem and middle schools are assigned for racial balance and our high school is assigned by where you live. ALL his buddies ended up at the other high school :( But he has kids he eats lunch with and is even text messaging(yes, I am THRILLED my son is texting-LOL)

There is a non-popular crowd at DDs school; I guarantee it. They will be more acccepting because they know what it feels like to be mistreated. They need to look there and give up trying to fit in with the other group. It is what it is!

I watched my middle son hurt many a time; and I was angry-the thought that people thought MY son wasnt good enough???? Infuriating. But when he finally accepted he wasnt going to fit in the tip top crowd, he was happier(kind of the middle popular group, I suppose-played sports but never made varsity, knew a lot of people and people know him. If I run into someone in the community who recognizes my last name, its because of DS2)

The girls and you need to aim lower-sorry at how blunt that sounds but I was not popular myself-too quiet and shy-yep, the geek!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 7:58am

Here is my 16 yr old son's response to his 6 yr old sister who was worried about not being one of the popular girls (yes it starts in Kindergarden)


"Gracie, you don't want to be one of those girls....they are mean, snobby and mostly they have nothing but air between their ears.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 8:02am

I love that your sons embrace their geeky side! I've watched Ken Burns on TV this week (his documentary starts on Sunday) and all I can think is "what a geek. I bet the girls who dissed him in HS are sorry now!" Ditto for Bill Gates.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 8:38am

Hi... I just happened upon this board, and your post caught my eye. I hope it is ok that I respond even though I don't 'belong' here?

I am so sorry that your dd has been having troubles.

One thing I noticed though, is that it seems like acne is playing a big role in her self esteem - or at least how others see her? Right or wrong, acne can affect how other teens see their peers. It doesn't help that teens suffering with acne tend to be susceptible to lower self esteem - so it becomes a cycle.

If acne is such an issue though, why hasn't it been treated? I suffered with acne for years as an adult, when one morning I heard a DJ (as he was talking about his teen dd) say that, "in this day and age and in this country, there is *no* reason why a teen should need to suffer with acne - it is *treatable*" That knocked some sense into me, I saw a derm, and a couple months later my life was dramatically different. With clear skin, it is an amazing difference how other people treat you *and* how you feel about yourself.
(afterall, who wants to feel down about their appearance?)

A couple pimples is a typical and normal part of growing up. True acne is a disease.
If your dd had any other disease, I am sure that you would ensure her proper treatment.

From topicals to anti-biotics to accutane, there are a variety of options to treat acne.
Anti-biotics are appropriate for temporary use in a case of acne that will likely be outgrown. Accutane is more appropriate for severe cases of acne.

Remember, acne can cause life long scarring.

I used accutane as an adult, and wish that my parents had been willing to treat me as a teen. It was a very positive experience for me. I can only dream about how my teen years would have been different had I been able to 'climb out of my shell' at a younger age.

Good luck to your dd, I hope you guys are able to work something out that works for your entire family!

Becca

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 9:21am

LOL :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 9:37am

I live in an urban center (heck 80% of Canadians live in an urban area) so I am fully familiar with the "Gossip Girl" or "OC"

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