Possible bisexual and/or lesbian - please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Possible bisexual and/or lesbian - please help
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 4:11pm

My DD (14) has been best friends with "Kelsey" for about a year now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 4:27pm

What is the problem? Is she going to get pregnant? Do you have religious objections? I don't think your daughter needs help, and since you are asking for advice, it seems you don't know much about bisexual behavior either, so perhaps you should be more discreet about your opinions. If she masturbated, would it be wrong? Is it worse that she has sex with a friend rather than with a post or a towel?

Take a look at the life of Edna St. Vincent Millay, the biography What Lips My Lips Have Kissed. She had bisexual affairs until she got older. Very popular girl. Had fun. Had a fine brain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 4:39pm

Hi and welcome to the board. I think you should talk to your dd about it. I'm not sure what your expectations/rules are about sexual activity at her age. Would you allow her to have a boy in the room with the door closed or to have a boy spend the night? If not - and if you suspect that your dd is experimenting or bi - then I think the same rules should apply. Let her know that you love her regardless but that at 14 you don't feel you need to make it easy for sexual exploration, regardless of who it's with. Encourage her to focus on her school work, hobbies, etc. I never really saw the deal about hanging in bedrooms anyway; mabe it's because I have boys. When they were teens the dvd player/video games/TV/etc. (things that they would do when friends came over) were all out in the family room. But I know girls tend to be more into just hanging and talking and don't always have to be as busy as boys. Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 7:38pm

I tend to agree with Pam - at 14, they need to explore the other areas of romantic relationships outside of the physical - whether it's in a same sex relationship or an opposite sex relationship.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 7:51pm

Many teens experiment sexually with both sides of the fence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 8:14pm

I agree that you need to treat this in the same way you would a hetero relationship. It is unlikely that you would be allowing sleepovers so those have got to stop.

Now, how do you say that without showing your "hand" so to speak? I have no idea.

Perhaps it is best to just go for the open communication. Say that you have concerns about her relationship with K and that you are uncomfortable with the amount of time they are spending behind closed doors. Ask what they are doing and why they are doing it? Seriously, they could be drinking, taking pills, looking at child porn-who knows? If she says you don't trust her, I would continue with the "then why is the door closed?" routine.

Like Pam, I have all boys and this wasn't an issue-you could usually hear the video games and the excited chortles from a good distance!

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 5:22pm

There are a whole bunch of things in your post that made me wonder what exactly you are concerned about: