Privacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Privacy
2
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:19pm
I have 2 teenagers - a daughter and a son. I have just learned that my son has told my daughter a horrible lie. He led her to believe that my husband and I said some terrible things about her while she was out one night.

We found this out because we read an entry she had made in an online diary.

We can not pretend this didn't happen because she is so upset. She seems to believe the big lie. We also feel that we need to deal with our son - he has lied many times before, but not so hurtful.

I guess my question is - how do we begin this discussion with our daughter. I know that she will be very angry that we read her diary.

Thank you for your insight.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: momof2teens2
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:51pm
There are some people who really become unhinged about snooping in their kid's diarys, journals, etc. I am not one of them. It's my feeling that if you're noticing a change in behavior and/or have reason to suspect possibly dangerous habits or behavior in your teen, that their safety comes first and grants you the right to look through their things (since they aren't exactly going to come out and tell you themselves). If, in the process, you learn something that needs to be discussed I think you can either come right out with it and be honest about how you came upon the information, or you can simply remain quiet about your sources - which is what I choose to do. I just tell them that I've learned that such and such is going on and I think we need to talk about it. If they ask how I know, I just tell them that either someone told me or that it's none of their business how I know and push on from there.

In this situation, I think it would be fairly easy for you to broach the topic without letting dd know you read her diary. She needs to know her brother lied and that you and your H didn't say horrible things about her - I think that's most important.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
In reply to: momof2teens2
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:59pm
Thanks for the encouragement. We have planned to discuss this with my daughter tomorrow at her next therapy appointment. I have already spoken to the therapist. There is absolutely no way that we could have gotten the story from anywhere but the online diary, so it looks like we will have to confess.

You are right about her needing to know that her brother lied. It looks like we have quite a problem with the lies that will need to be dealt with next.