problem with boyfriend
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| Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:23am |
Hello...
I don't usually post but I find you all to be pretty good at advice so here goes...
My daughter is 16 and has been dating her boyfriend over a year. He's a great kid and fits in really well with our family. Unfortunately, (or fortunately because otherwise how did he get to be such a great kid?) his parents are very strict, his dad especially. They would in general not like him to be dating anyone because they would prefer he focus on other things. He is an A student,(4.2 gpa), has a job and 3 varsity letters. He clearly is focused and has his head on straight.
The problem is his parents do not want him on the phone after 10:30 at night. I have the same rule at my house, but truly, in the summer time, I don't really care. As long as my daughter is pleasant to me, fulfills her responsibilities, and keeps her job, I don't really mind how long they are on the phone.
Anyway, C's dad called the other night and said that he wants them to stop seeing each other because they were on the phone Sunday night at 12:30. I realize that they have broken a rule, but seriously, aren't there a lot of other things to be more worried about?
Apparently the problem is that it is inappropriate for C to be talking to P when he is in his bed, under the covers "because we don't need a teenage boy doing that!" I personally am much more concerned about real sex than the possibility of phone sex and wish I could say that to them but they would be completely shocked.
Because of the phone call, C is not allowed to talk to or see P for at least a week. He is no longer allowed to drive which means he must walk home from work (about 5 miles) and I just feel sorry for the kid. Sorry this is ridiculously long, but any advice would be great.

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"I know another poster said she wished she had that kind of relationship with her teens SOs parents but why"
I was the other poster that said I wished I could have had a conversation with GF's mother. The reason for this, is that we often talk to lots of the parents that our children hang out with, we know that we are on the same page with rules etc. I don't know why I can't have that same relationship with the mother of my sons GF, if I had, I would have found out that they weren't being supervised the way I thought they were when they were at her house....grandma sleeping in a chair downstairs while DS and GF had sex right up stairs :( I guess I just think communication in life is a good thing. :)
Julie
Thanks for all the replies...
Yes in my opinion they are sexually active although I hate it and have talked to both of them about the fact that it is the wrong decision. My daughter is on the pill, they (my daughter and her bf) take turns paying for it and he generally drives her to pick up the refills. Her bf's parents do not know this and I don't see any way to tell them without them hating him. They are not alone together at my house (they are never at his house alone or otherwise) and I try to supervise as much as their activity as possible, but I can not control everything they do.
I do not allow my daughter to break their rules, but sometimes the bf ignores the phone rule. We have invited them over in February so that his parents, my daughter, my dh, and bf could discuss things openly. His dad at that time said that he only wants them to go out in group settings. We would prefer that also but as sometimes their friends think its ridiculous to have to be present whenever my daughter and bf are together just because his parents prefer it.
The bf called today and said that his mom told him to call P and invite her to dinner tomorrow night. I am not sure why since I think his dad believes she is the source of all evil and I am not sure I want her to go. Apparently his mom had no idea that his dad had called the other night.
Additionally, both my daughter and I have talked to him several times about trying to work to get closer to his parents and I flat out told my daughter that it doesn't matter how much she and bf like each other, she really can not date someone whose family does not like her. Just some info about my daughter, she has an "A" gpa, is a cheerleader and a varsity track athlete, has a job teaching gymnastics to preschoolers and is a special olympics coach. Most people seem to like her and the people at her school and my church seem to think she is a good person.
Thanks again and I appreciate all the responses! I will update when I figure if she is going to dinner/ and how it went!
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