Prom Limo Expense with Friend
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| Thu, 03-15-2007 - 12:41pm |
My DD and her best friend went back and forth about how to get to prom. After much debate with the four of them (DD, friend and boyfriends) sitting at my kitchen table I agreed to rent a limo and put it on my credit card ONLY if they agreed to pay their equal share and if not then they don't ride in the limo. The guys agreed to contribute also which I thought was nice but that they shouldn't have to because it's not their prom but they insisted. So the best friend only had to come up with 1/4 of the total payment instead of a 1/2. Now DD's best friend said she can't come up with her share because she has to pay for her own dress and her parents won't help her.
I feel like an idiot because I should have known better (DH already warned me, I haven't told him yet because I'm not ready to hear the "I told you so").
It's sounds so cut and dry but the problem is that the friend is a really sweet kid who has practically been a part of our family but this is also the same girl who has never gotten a ride from her parents, they have never given her money when we went to the movies, out to eat or to a concert, I've even bought her clothes when we went shopping. The parents never showed up at school for open houses or parent conferences. This has been going on for years and I always felt bad for the friend so I just paid for her because I didn't want her to miss out because of her parents who are both heavy drinkers. After speaking to parents of mutual friends they have experienced the same things with this girl's parents. Calling them would do no good - in the past it only resulted in the girl getting screamed at.
I know I need to stand firm and I've been telling DD all week that if her friend doesn't have the money then she doesn't go in the limo. It's not the money so much as it is the principle because this is totally different than the price of a dinner or a concert ticket. I just feel bad because it's really not her fault. I don't know if I should I give in this one last time or not. WWYD??

I'm wondering why the bff agreed to split the cost of the limo if she knew she wouldn't have the money when it came time to pay up? Chances are, she suspected you might 'cover' for her since you have so many times in the past.
Since you say the girl has been like 'part of the family', what about working out a payment plan with her? Prom is a pretty big expense with dress, shoes, flowers, etc. (which I'm sure you know) and if the friend is paying for all of this with her own money, she probably IS strapped. But she must get money somewhere, if she can pay for her dress so it seems logical (to me anyway) that over time, she could pay you back.
Just an idea, I'm sure others will have better ones.
Chiming in to agree with the others - please don't make this poor girl with deadbeat parents be the only one *not* to ride in the limo.
DD had a friend like this in elementary school - I really resented it, and it was hard not to hold it against the kid. But utimately it's not her, it's her parents.
I like the idea of the payment plan - or, as some people have done with their own kids, she can "work off" the debt.
Sue
FWIW, I have been insistent that all plans with kids be OK'd with parents too. Teens think they can have control over everything, but unfortuntately they don't, and have to bring parents in.
Thank you for your suggestions. The payoff plan sounds good in theory but I don't think it would work here. The girl is very sweet and nice but not very responsible. She is great for saying I'll pay you back and I really think she means it at the time but she never does which is why I'm an idiot for expecting anything else this time. I did insist that she have her parents agreement first before I went ahead and called all over for 2 hours trying to find a limo that wasn't booked. In fact, I was very firm with her about it. Now I'm hearing a different story. The original plan was for DD's boyfriend to drive but he just got rear-ended and no longer has his car available to him right now. DD's car will only fit 2 people and I didn't feel comfortable with her driving almost an hour away in unfamiliar territory in formal wear. My DH didn't want to let DD's boyfriend drive one of our vehicles and the bf's mother only has a 2 seater and his father has a work van which is why we eventually came to the limo decision. If the prom was at the high school gym or close in the area I'd shove them in my little car and drive them myself.
I should have clarified in my original post that if the friend didn't go in the limo then neither would her date and they woud have to figure out how to get their on their own. But I just spoke with DD and she thinks it may be best to try and cancel the limo since it has caused nothing but arguments between DD and her friend all week. So now none of them will know how they are getting there. I don't understand why these proms are so far away anyway. This whole prom thing is blown completely out of proportion.
If I were you I'd try cancelling it, given that your DD thinks that might be best. They'll figure out some way to get there, even if parents have to drive--wouldn't the kids see that as the absolute worst!
If you will lose big $ by canceling, then go ahead with it and make it a gift to the girl that can't pay, or have her do chores for you as OPs suggested.
Proms are so expensive as it is, limos are unnecessary frills, in my opinion.
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Just wait...the whole thing will get even worse. DD's Sr Prom was a nightmare last year. We had dress issues, shoe issues, hair issues, and LIMO issues. I almost have a migraine from thinking about it.
Try to cancel-if you can't, suck it up and pay
You've been supporting this girl for so long I honestly don't have a clue how you are going to stop her and her family from assuming it will continue. There's no reason to think she is suddenly going to change because she's so young; she will most likely be tremendously grateful in 10 years but, for now, shes living in the moment. Her parents? Lost cause.
I'm sorry-I know it's frustrating but I think you're stuck