Prom Opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
Prom Opinion
17
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 12:01pm

Hello All,

I feel sort of silly asking a question about Prom when there are so many more important issues involving our young men and women!  Anyway...This is our DD's senior year of high school.  She invited a friend of hers who attends another high school to go with her and he said yes.  Being that it's HER senior prom, her dad and I are paying for a limo and for his ticket.  Now, what about dinner?  They want to go out before hand.  Should they maybe go 50/50 on this or is this maybe something he would pay for?

What would you suggest?

Thanks!

Lou

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: lou1616
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 3:47pm

I would suggest that she should be prepared to pay if she is asking him to go out for dinner, but hopefully he'll kick in some money or offer to treat.  If he was the one who said "do you want to go out to dinner first?" then I would think that he should pay but she should still have some money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
In reply to: lou1616
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 6:10pm

She asked, she pays.  

I payed for my proms (asked guy friens to both), my sister payed for hers (boyfriend went to a different school).  Even my mother payed for hers back in 1959 because she asked a friend.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: lou1616
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 7:50pm

I am going with who ever does the asking foots the bill.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: lou1616
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 8:33pm

Nothing silly about PROM! Well . . . probably . . . most everything about it is silly, but not to the teens. LOL Seriously, it is a wonderful memory!

I think I would tell daughter to have the money ready and have a good time either way as in thirty years it won’t matter and the memory will be a good one—especially if she ends up marrying the guy. Stranger things have occurred. (I first met our SILs when they came to the door to pick the girls up for a school dance when they were all 12 and 13.)

Our daughters were not a typical situation as they were already married to their dates. (They wanted to go with other guys, but . . . . JOKING) All four were seniors and the girls donated their dresses to the school closet for other girls to enjoy in the future. They ate at home, went to prom in a SUV, then went to a well supervised pool party at a friend’s home, before coming home and sleeping with their guys. They all had a blast as your daughter will.

Please come back and tell us all about how much fun it was for her. Those stories bring back good memories for all of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 1:26pm

Dear Lou,

Rereading what I wrote above, the thought occurred to me that my words may have sounded like I was making fun of your question. To the contrary, I thought it was a good question and about a very important subject in the life of teens. And a good place to ask it. Prom is a special event along with granulation a few weeks later and a few dozen other events in life.

Thornton Wilder in his classic play, OUR TOWN, said something like, “That’s humanity for you, layers and layers of non-sense.” But, I would add that that non-sense is what makes for wonderful memories of lives well lived.

My parents still have their prom picture. These past fifty years have really seen major changes in proms. Theirs was back in ’61 and in the school gym, modestly priced dresses, few frills, and the family car was used by everybody. By the time my prom came along, it was held in the ball room of a hotel, more expensive dresses, some extras, and a few rich kids came in limos. It can be EXTREMELY more EXPENSIVE nowadays. I was STUNNED by what some families were spending for the dresses (in the thousands, not the hundreds) at our daughters’ prom and the extras that they were purchasing, and lots of limos. Many of these families were not that well off financially. I hope they got their money’s worth in wonderful memories.

Our girls were in a public high school with a full range of kids including kids from very financially well off families and kids living with a single mother and two siblings in an apartment whose dress came from the closet of dresses from past proms. My guess is that many of these girls whose dresses came from the closet will have better memories than some of those with the high end dresses.

My point for your question is that another $70 or $100 more will not matter in those out years. She will have wonderful memories of money well spent on one of the great events of youth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 4:40pm

Wow, I'm glad I don't live in an area where people spend thousands on prom dresses.  I thought it was a lot to spend about $180 on my DD's senior prom dress but she did wear it again to a college dance.  And when I went to the proms, no one would have gone in a limo.  My senior BF had to take the family car (again, not many kids had their own cars then) which was one of those old VW vans!  But in a way it's better for kids to go in limos because it cuts down on DUI and accidents.  My DD & friends got one of those very fancy SUV limos and the driver gave them a big lecture that he would not tolerate any drinking cause he didn't want to get in trouble.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: lou1616
Sun, 03-10-2013 - 7:05pm

I agee with Ekmama and the others. You ask, you pay. It's part of being a host. If there's a financial issue, then maybe your DD could cook a dinner at home while you guys make yourselves scarce. My DD does this with her friends when it's her turn to host her BF or friends.

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
In reply to: lou1616
Sun, 03-10-2013 - 10:57pm

I vote for she asked, she pays.... unless dinner was his idea.... then be prepared for at least 50/50 

I want to tack on another question to this. My DD is in a small program for only juniors and seniors and the kids come from all over. Most didn't know eachother until last fall. So juniors and seniors are both invited to attend prom. Dinner is included with the 40 dollar ticket price. The are allowed to invite up to 3 guests to plump up their numbers. I don't know what DD's plans are of yet but she has a many good friends outside of school and I could see it being fun since she's closer to these other kids. Obviously, only one would be "her date" and if she asks, she'll pay. Would it be tacky to invite another couple but say if they want to come, they have to pay for themselves? It's sort of a weird thing to be expected to pay for 4 tickets but then, it's an unusual circumstance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 1:11am

LOL, Musiclover,

I told you I was STUNNED!

Those high end dresses are not the norm in our local HS. Only a few of those really high end designer dresses, but there are others who splurge for dresses into the higher hundreds. These are usually kids who wear more expensive clothes to classes also. And their parents put them in expensive cars at 16, like new Mustang convertibles. And that ain’t cheap insurance wise as teen drivers are not the best risk to insure. Some insurance companies want annual premiums of something like a mere 25% of the cars value each year. My guess is that the old man or old lady is driving the “teen’s car,” which is an old car without collision and comprehensive insurance, while the teen is driving the new car only on special occasions—without the insurance company knowing that that is every day except when the new car is in the auto body repair shop.

Our local HS district limited the amount that cheerleading outfits can cost, like a few hundred dollars and tried to make it as inclusive an activity as possible for the girls interested in doing such. The school also encouraged those graduating to donate their outfits for incoming girls to wear—girls for whom a few hundred dollars would be a financial burden on their family. My sister lives in a district where the cost of costumes was like a mere $3,000 each year, which tends to eliminate all but those with families who can afford such—dare I say--stupidity. My niece was not among those whose parents could afford it.

Our daughters had found their prom dresses during “thrift store” shopping at prices well below a President Ben Franklin and they looked good too. I think that the one that the younger one was going to wear was one that had probably been in the mid to high hundreds. However, she had a swelling problem that really showed in that lovely form fitting dress and—how do I say this kindly—she looked a wee bit knocked-up. LOL Hubby with his usual flippancy handed her a credit card and said, “Go find another dress as I will not have my first grandchild going to his or her first prom looking shabby.” We got off somewhat easy--$230. She looked good and went out the door that night happy. This is an example of making sure the teen has good memories of an important riot of passage (pun intended).

You see these same extravagancies in the FINAL PROM or the BIG PROM where the bride wears a white dress, the groom’s significance is about the same as the little plastic man on top of the wedding cake—a necessary decoration. LOL Seriously though, you look at pictures of weddings fifty years ago and they are nothing like the extravagant ones today. Back then, a few flowers, a half a dozen photos, no video, cake and punch, and a quick escape from the church in a parent’s car.

Youngest SILs sister got married last summer and her dad drew a line beyond which he would not go. Her parent’s vision was 150 guests for each side, but the groom’s parents wanted several hundreds of guests from their side--people that the bride and groom did not even know. It gets really expensive when you’re doing one of those sit down meal receptions, etcetera. SILs dad capped his exposure at 350 from the grooms side and groom’s family paid for another 100 plus. Also, he told them, “Being an AA member in good standing with a son, a brother, and a father who are also AA members; I don’t buy liquor for anybody.” The groom’s parents paid for wine. If they had counted on hubby and me paying for a wedding like that, they would have been “so out of luck.”

My point being that there should be limits on just how much should be spent on these types of things.

The other day you posted about being so glad your son was not into drinking, drugs, etcetera. How correct you are. Sister and I have cousins with kids hooked on and strung out on meth and other such drugs. We feel extremely blessed that none of ours are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: ashmama
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 12:04pm

"My point being that there should be limits on just how much should be spent on these types of things. "

Yep, I agree. What's left when a girl has already been queen for a day in her $500 prom dress? A $100K wedding? Even rich parents would do well to teach their children to be content with small things 1) so they appreciate the larger things that might come their way and 2) so they don't turn out to be entitled brats who need to be the star of the show.

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