Prom Opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
Prom Opinion
18
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 12:01pm

Hello All,

I feel sort of silly asking a question about Prom when there are so many more important issues involving our young men and women!  Anyway...This is our DD's senior year of high school.  She invited a friend of hers who attends another high school to go with her and he said yes.  Being that it's HER senior prom, her dad and I are paying for a limo and for his ticket.  Now, what about dinner?  They want to go out before hand.  Should they maybe go 50/50 on this or is this maybe something he would pay for?

What would you suggest?

Thanks!

Lou

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2014
In reply to: lou1616
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 11:40pm

Prom Dresses are my favorite.Prom is new year fashion for young boys and girls. oth can adopt this trend to look prominent to their personalities.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: ashmama
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 7:56pm

Oh, my DD thinks of herself as a princess, too. She's not a brat, but she loves the idea of dressing up in a gorgeous dress (or costume, like she wore to prom last year). She actually dresses up quite a bit for school. She doesn't wear make-up that often, but she likes nice dresses or skirts and pretty shoes. Her friends like to borrow her stuff and when there's a big presentation for a class, I'll see her bringing a bag full of stuff (hats, gloves, etc.) to lend out to people. 

My point was more about girls who think they have to have the latest designer dress because they are entitled to it. But there's nothing wrong with girls or boys who just want to look smashing.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
In reply to: mahopac
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 2:11pm

In general I do agree with the idea that parents shouldn't pay for things just because they can, and for the reasons you stated.

DD is looking forward to feeling like a princess - because, she said, it will be the only day she'll get to look like a princess until she gets married.  She is as un-princessy as you can imagine in her attitude toward life, but she does want to feel pretty in a pretty dress.  She will certainly not be the star of the show (she never avoids the limelight but it never seeks her either), but she can, for an evening, feel lovely in a dress she picked out.

I told her we would pay for her prom ticket, her outfit, and anything else normally associated with proms (no limos are permitted - the kids take a bus from the school to the catering hall and back again).  However, we won't pay for any weekend activities following it.  Not sure what those will be anyway, since prom will be on a Friday, she doesn't want to do the drunk-on-the-beach thing, and she has to be home for a concert on the Sunday afternoon.

Re weddings, several years ago, as my young colleagues were telling me that weddings cost a minimum of $25,000 these days, I added up the present-day cost of my VERY modest wedding from 1990 (buffet dinner with open bar, only 70 guests, modest dress & veil, etc.).  I was shocked that it came to $25,000!  I'm sure the present-day costs of my friends' more formal weddings with sit-down dinners, bagpipers, country club settings, etc. would be in the $50-100K range, though they were nothing like that 20 years ago.  It's no wonder that well-educated young people who expect to pay for their own weddings wait so long to get married - they want a wedding that is a credit to their families but it takes forever to save up for it.  Not to mention the $50K they need to put down on a house afterward. . . but now I am REALLY getting off the subject of prom!

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
In reply to: mahopac
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 1:50pm

Great way of handling it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 10:27pm

For those of you with the BIG PROM (wedding) ahead, I heard on the fluff portion of the news that the average cost of a wedding is now above $28,000.

I think in terms of the wedding cost being what is spent for the items used up between the rehearsal dinner and the limo ride away from the church or other venue; things like the Invitations, rehearsal dinner, wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, tuxedos, gifts to the bridesmaids and groomsmen, flowers, photographer, videographer, pictures, venue rent, cake, punch, dinner, if that is provided, gratuity to the minister, pianist, soloist, limo service, live musicians at the reception or a DJ, rice, etcetera.

However, that $28,000 may be the total economic impact, which would include wedding consultants, showers, wedding gifts, gifts between the bride and groom, engagement and wedding rings, hotels and airfare spent by out of town folks, the costs of the honeymoon, valium for the parents who are paying the tab, etcetera. That would sound more correct as those other items totaled up are BIG BUCKS.

For a mere million dollars, Bianca will come and sing at your wedding. And I would hope that she would not liqsync to a recording. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
In reply to: lou1616
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 4:29pm

I like the idea of seeing who can get the best from the Thrift shop!  And yes, some of the prom dresses available were way too revealing for 17 year old girls!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
In reply to: lou1616
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 4:27pm

Hi urtletime

It sounds as if your event is open to many more students and not as exclusive.  I think your DD could say, "John and I are going to the prom an thought it would be so much fun if you guys could come too. Tickets are $00.00 (whatever the price is) each.  Let me know if you'd like to come and I'll let you know when you need to have money in for tickets.  Its going to be much more fun if you guys come!".  Or something like that.

As far as my dd's prom.  Yeah, we're going to pay for dinner too.  We pretty much planned on it from the get   go but thought I'd ask anyway.  Thanks all!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: ashmama
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 12:12pm

Prom dress shopping at my kids' high school has become a game to see who can find the best dress at a thrift store. They also host a prom dress swap (not well attended, because everyone wants a dress no one at their school has worn), but at least they are trying. 

At their previous school, it was all about labels, and to my jaded eye, it also appeared there was a contest for the sluttiest dress award. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: ashmama
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 12:04pm

"My point being that there should be limits on just how much should be spent on these types of things. "

Yep, I agree. What's left when a girl has already been queen for a day in her $500 prom dress? A $100K wedding? Even rich parents would do well to teach their children to be content with small things 1) so they appreciate the larger things that might come their way and 2) so they don't turn out to be entitled brats who need to be the star of the show.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 1:11am

LOL, Musiclover,

I told you I was STUNNED!

Those high end dresses are not the norm in our local HS. Only a few of those really high end designer dresses, but there are others who splurge for dresses into the higher hundreds. These are usually kids who wear more expensive clothes to classes also. And their parents put them in expensive cars at 16, like new Mustang convertibles. And that ain’t cheap insurance wise as teen drivers are not the best risk to insure. Some insurance companies want annual premiums of something like a mere 25% of the cars value each year. My guess is that the old man or old lady is driving the “teen’s car,” which is an old car without collision and comprehensive insurance, while the teen is driving the new car only on special occasions—without the insurance company knowing that that is every day except when the new car is in the auto body repair shop.

Our local HS district limited the amount that cheerleading outfits can cost, like a few hundred dollars and tried to make it as inclusive an activity as possible for the girls interested in doing such. The school also encouraged those graduating to donate their outfits for incoming girls to wear—girls for whom a few hundred dollars would be a financial burden on their family. My sister lives in a district where the cost of costumes was like a mere $3,000 each year, which tends to eliminate all but those with families who can afford such—dare I say--stupidity. My niece was not among those whose parents could afford it.

Our daughters had found their prom dresses during “thrift store” shopping at prices well below a President Ben Franklin and they looked good too. I think that the one that the younger one was going to wear was one that had probably been in the mid to high hundreds. However, she had a swelling problem that really showed in that lovely form fitting dress and—how do I say this kindly—she looked a wee bit knocked-up. LOL Hubby with his usual flippancy handed her a credit card and said, “Go find another dress as I will not have my first grandchild going to his or her first prom looking shabby.” We got off somewhat easy--$230. She looked good and went out the door that night happy. This is an example of making sure the teen has good memories of an important riot of passage (pun intended).

You see these same extravagancies in the FINAL PROM or the BIG PROM where the bride wears a white dress, the groom’s significance is about the same as the little plastic man on top of the wedding cake—a necessary decoration. LOL Seriously though, you look at pictures of weddings fifty years ago and they are nothing like the extravagant ones today. Back then, a few flowers, a half a dozen photos, no video, cake and punch, and a quick escape from the church in a parent’s car.

Youngest SILs sister got married last summer and her dad drew a line beyond which he would not go. Her parent’s vision was 150 guests for each side, but the groom’s parents wanted several hundreds of guests from their side--people that the bride and groom did not even know. It gets really expensive when you’re doing one of those sit down meal receptions, etcetera. SILs dad capped his exposure at 350 from the grooms side and groom’s family paid for another 100 plus. Also, he told them, “Being an AA member in good standing with a son, a brother, and a father who are also AA members; I don’t buy liquor for anybody.” The groom’s parents paid for wine. If they had counted on hubby and me paying for a wedding like that, they would have been “so out of luck.”

My point being that there should be limits on just how much should be spent on these types of things.

The other day you posted about being so glad your son was not into drinking, drugs, etcetera. How correct you are. Sister and I have cousins with kids hooked on and strung out on meth and other such drugs. We feel extremely blessed that none of ours are.

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