Psudo Parents need advice (long)
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|Thu, 05-01-2003 - 8:39am|
My 19 year old cousin came to live with us at the end of January. He was attending a Job Corps about 8 hours from his home but 2 hours away from us so he would come visit us on some week-ends. After getting frustrated because he wasn't learning anything new, he said that he wanted to go to college. He kept telling us how he loved the area we lived in and would like to move here sometime and go to school and get a good job as an electirician. My husband and I discussed it with eachother and decided to invite him to come live with us as long as he has a job and went to school.
My cousin has had a shaky background and gets angry very easily (I believe his father is fully to blame). He likes being with us because we don't fight or yell. However, I think my husband and I are getting to our breaking point.
My cousin is not dumb or stupid. I guess the best way to put it is he doesn't have much common sense. He asks the same questions over and over again and doesn't remember asking them before. One of us will say something like "I'm going to get a haircut" (he'll be right there) and he'll immediatley say "Oh, are you going to get a haircut?". He used to fall asleep on the couch and stay there all night but I think we've got that one nipped. He leaves lights on and the balcony door open when he goes to bed. He's on the internet and the phone CONSTANTLY. Leaves his clothes in the dryer, doesn't put dishes in the dishwasher and countless other things I can't think of right now.
Because of his family history, he has done many drugs before, mostly marijuana (again, with the aid of his father). I keep telling myself that it's the reason he acts the way he does but I realize that's just an excuse. I know others who were the same as him and are more responsible now with their lives. He's going to be 20 in 5 months. I have seen 13 year olds who were more responsible.
My husband and I haven't even been married 2 years yet but we both agreed to this. Now we're wondering if it was a mistake. We try very hard to help my cousin out and guide him on the right path. We're constantly reminding him to put stuff away, close the door, etc. We don't know what else to do. I am very cautious of what I say to him because I don't want him to get P.O.'d and leave and I don't want to send him home because I know in his head, he'll think we don't like him and he'll end up hating us (the latter has happened with him and our Aunt & Uncle).
Does anyone have any advice? I feel this is starting to put stress on us and my husband has enough stress as it is with his job and a side job at night.
Thank-you in advance and sorry this is so long!