Punishment
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| Mon, 12-05-2005 - 7:45pm |
It's so discouraging to read so many posts about how parents "tried everything" - which means punishing the H*LL out of their teenagers - and don't understand why the kids don't behave. Would you behave if you were in an environment of constant threat of punishment? "Do what I say or you'll spend the rest of the day/week/year in your bedroom"?
"Tried Everything" should mean talking to your child (even before they were teenagers), teaching them the way you would like to behave, treating them with respect, rewarding and praising them when they behave responsibly. Punishment is a last resort that should be used sparingly, if at all. "Tried Everything" means preventing problems, setting up successes, teaching new skills (like time management, responsibility for property, etc). If you think punishment accomplishes anything (other than making the punisher feel powerful, and like they've gotten revenge), then look at recidivism rates in prisons, look at how many kids are repeatedly sent to the principal's office or suspended over and over.
Our job as parents is NOT to beat our kids into submission, but to gradually (over 18-21 years) raise responsible, caring, independent adults. How the heck does repeated punishment (or threat of punishment) teach that???
Sure to get flames and that's fine. Not only is this my parenting belief, but it's what I do for a living.
Sue

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We live in a town of about 2500, and I have had the opportunity to watch kids grow up throughout their lifetimes who are now 18-22 y/o, and my comments were broad generalizations based on what I've seen over the years watching these kids.
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