Punishment for an F?
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| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 7:59pm |
Hi all, I'm pretty much at my wits end here with my 15yr old dd. Her grades have steadily declined over the years and last semester she got 2 C's and 1 D in her core classes. She swore she was going to try and was going to get the grades up. I trusted her and bc of other trouble with her, I was very light with the punishment.
Well, report cards are in 1 C, 1 D and an F!!! I was furious!! not only that she did so bad but that she lied and told me she was doing all her work. I grounded her until next report card (March 20th). She still has a tv in her room with DVD player, radio, stereo, ipod, etc. I said no phone and no computer and no going out on the weekends. Long story short, she is unbareable to be around and I just over heard her tell her dad (who lives in another state) that she will remain this way until she gets her freedom back, so I better get used to it. Am I being too strict? How would you discipline her? After hearing that comment, I feel she is just overacting just so I'll cave, like I have in the past. WWYD?

Since you already laid out the punishment you have to stick to it or find a way to have her earn back the priviledges without caving, otherwise you'll lose all authority with her.
My son has pull the "I'm gonna be a butt head until I get my freedom back, get used to it" crap. It works so well here, that he loses things like his DOOR! If you can't trust them to be actually studying, then they can't have the privacy. BTW, the lack of door lasted just under 2 hours, but it sure got the point across.
We've added grounding time for every day of being a butt head like that. She screwed up, she can't be punishing you for that. She's grounded until March 20th, right? How many days is that? Count it out. And for every day she's unbearable, you can add a day to the end. If she really wants to push it, she can lose that tv, etc.
And, I wholeheartedly agree with her being made responsible for all her work. Put her on a report system. She has to take a sheet to each teacher after she fills out the days assignment, the teacher initials it, she brings it home to you and you can sign it after she's actually done the work. Even better is the emailing the teachers thing. Better than that is face to face contact with the teachers, ALL of them. My son's teachers all know me. They expect to see me in the school. I expect to hear from them if things aren't going well with grades. I had 1 teacher tell me it wasn't his job to tell me if my kid was failing unless I called and asked. I beg to differ.....
Keep the faith, mom! If you can get out of state dad to be on your side, that is even better. Surely he doesn't want his kid to fail out of school, but to do her very best. If not, then she needs VERY limited and fully monitored contact with him.
One thing I did with my DD when she got a low grade in one class, was "offer" to help her study. Not a voluntary thing on her part LOL, she had to show me all her assignments and allow me to quiz her; help her study for tests. My take on this was "if you could do this on your own, you would have". In my DD's case, I think it was a situation where the work got harder and she hadn't developed any stronger study skills. By being forced to study with me, not only did I get reassured that she was actually doing her work, but she also got some idea of how to study for HS work. I didn't do this for a whole semester, just until the first round of graded assignments and tests came back.
FWIW
Sue
(oops, this is ljd_mom, I forgot to change my screenname)
I am having trouble with this because we are assuming that "DAD" is ok with his daughter getting these grades... Is he??? United we stand, divided we fall...
My ex feels the same way I do regarding grades and the punishment would be even worse. Take the TV out of her room! ANd everything else for that matter. Grades shape her future and if he wants her living with him when she is 30 and homeless with no job prospects, etc...let him deal with it.
Tough love will be hard now but at least her grades might come up and she'll maybe even thank you for caring enough to help her pass high school.
LARK
Play her game, she is unbearable, take one luxury out of her room, and continue until she has a mattress and 4 bare walls. I bet you anything her attitude will change! You are the adult and she is a snotty little teen who is pulling you right into her trap. Your ex will be told what she does and what you do just like he is there in the same state. SHe is 15, she is playing you but you have to be stronger and not let her win...You might not like your ex but he is her father and he needs to act like one and show her that he is on your side when it comes to important stuff like grades!
That burns me when they play the "I know better than mom, "game...ARH!!!!!
LARK
My 15yr DD is going through the same thing. 2 Ds, an F and the rest Cs. We don't even discuss college at this point, just making it through each day! My DH and I sat DD down and drew up a contract. She refused to sign at first, and then she just marked "X". Later she said she will not follow the contract. We told her all responsibility is on her now. If she chooses not to follow it, she will get things taken away. She is to bring home each Friday a sheet that has her teachers sign to say she is caught up w/homework/quizzes/tests. If she "forgets" the paper on Friday, it's the same as not having it signed...grounded for a weekend. If she is late or skips class, internet use taken away, cell phone, etc. They go CRAZY when they can't get on-line or use their cell. If she deviates from what the contract says, we simply tell her to check to see what it says. She has been grounded now for 2 weekends, and she is NASTY to both of us. BUT. if we give in she will have "won". And, she will never learn how to live on her own.
It's so frustrating, isn't it? But keeping consistent and giving tough love is going to produce results. Good luck to you!
You are doing the right thing... stand your ground. IF it were one of my kids behaving badly after punishment, they lose more. You can still take the TV out of her room....as sweet as you can, remind her of that... if she wants to be nasty, you can too. Another poster said they took the door off.... done that here too.... and let me tell ya! It works wonders! Nothing like losing all privacy to wake a kid up! lol
You're doing the right thing.... Stay strong. One day she will thank you for it.
GL!