question about 15 year old/girlfriend
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:28pm |
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
My oldest stepson - 15 has had a girlfriend now for about 3-4 months. It is about as serious as a relationship can be at that age. In the beginning they wanted to see each other EVERY DAY. He was not doing anything with any of his other friends and really only wanted to see her, talk to her on the phone, or text her 24 hours a day. DH and I were getting tired of driving him everyday to see her, plus we thought it was getting too serious so we tried to encourage him to see other friends and told him we would only drive him 2 days a week and the 3 hour nightly phone calls had to be cut down - he now has to be off the phone by 9pm. We did this as a way to try to encourage him to not make his whole entire life revolve around her and her only.
Anyway, her parents are DEFINITELY encouraging this relationship full steam ahead for some reason. They invite him to do things with him just about everyday - they pick him up and drop him off if we won't or can't. They take him out to dinner with them 3 nights a week (not McDonald's - they go to nice sit down restaurants $10 - $15 an entree) and they take him to amusement parks, water parks, concerts etc. etc. etc. They are CONSTANTLY inviting him to do things - expensive things too.
Am I crazy to think this is a little much? It is nice of them of course but now I feel it's to the point where they are encouraging this relationship too much (why aren't they encouraging their daughter to invite one of her girlfriends once in a while?) They spend all this money on him and take him every where and DH and I are starting to feel a bit inadequate because we are not doing all that for/with her. Not that I would anyway. These waterparks etc. are at least $50 a ticket and concerts - up to $70 - $15 dinners 3x a week. We cannot compete and offer her the same! (Nor do we think it is all even appropriate.) (We don't do all that for our kids that much, much less them AND their friends!)
How would you handle this????????????

Wow! My son would be planning on moving in over there within the month!
Since I cannot grasp why they find this appropriate, it's hard to suggest what might work.
Do you think it's all coming from the girl-as in she doesnt want to do anything without him and they are caving into her demands? Or do you think it's coming from them for whatever reason?
I would not have a problem with saying he needs to be home for family dinners 5-6 nights a week. I would probably tell him that but not have any qualms about repeating it to the GF or her family should the need arise.
He is 15, after all, and family should be his number one concern. You are right on in your feelings IMO
I also would feel comfortable limiting their dates(although trying the driving angle first was a good shot!) 2/wk or 3/wk? I dunno; my kids are blessedly slow in this department so I haven't had to go there. I would think to be more generous in the summer but then are you setting precedent for the school year?
We're kind of on the other side of this coin, so maybe I can offer some suggestions.
DH and I are solidly middle class, though $10 a plate dinners 3-4 nights a week and frequent trips to waterparks and concerts