Question about dd dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Question about dd dating
14
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 8:25pm

Hi Everyone. I don't post very often but lurk every now and then and really respect the opinions and advice of the posters, so I'm hoping that you can help me with a question I have.

My dd is 16 and hasn't really "dated" that much. She usually hangs out with her girlfriends and guyfriends on the weekends. My dd hasn't really had a serious boyfriend, which is fine with me (no need to rush) :-). Anyway, my dd and some of her friends have been asked a few times to attend dances at a private boys school in our area which they have attended and had fun. At the dances, there are girls from other private girls schools who attend as well. My dd goes to a public high school. Anyway, she became friendly with one of the boys at one of the private school dances who asked her to go to a movie last night. He told her that he had hockey practice beforehand and then they could meet at the movies. Either my dh or I planned to bring our dd to the movie so one of us could meet her date. Well, about an hour before they were supposed to meet, he texted my dd and said that he didn't think there were any good movies playing and would she like to come to his school instead and watch a movie in the common room for the evening. I have to admit that I was a bit uncomfortable with this and told her that I really would feel more comfortable if they could just stick with the original plan. My dd told her date that her mom didn't really feel comfortable with the new plan and that they could do something the next weekend when they could go to a movie. (By this time, it was almost 8:00 and getting late so going to the movies or out for a bite to eat was not going to happen). I really kind of felt bad that I made the evening not work out for her but still felt in my heart that it wasn't right for her date to change the plans at the last minute. I really didn't feel comfortable with my dd hanging out at the school in the common room with a boy she really doesn't know well yet. If she had a girlfriend(s) going with her, I may have felt more at ease about the situation.

Actually, my dd didn't seem to mind too much that the plans changed...I think that she wasn't that comfortable either with new plans for the evening. Interestingly, my dh felt that she should go and that I shouldn't hold her back too much; that we can't hold her back forever. I think he may be concerned that I may be acting too overprotective and that our dd has to grow up a little bit and go out and experience dating, etc. This is kind of surprising for me since I always thought he would be the more protective parent. I just don't know how much supervision is provided at private schools if they're just "hanging out" and don't want to put her in a situation that is too overwhelming or uncomfortable. So, my question is...do you think I did the right thing by telling dd that I didnt' feel comfortable with her going to his school for the evening? Your advice is really appreciated.

Thank you!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:00am

Yes,you did the right thing.

Moreover, you were most likely "picking" up on your daughter's feelings. You gave her an out.. SMART MOM.

Tell your DH that you are not being overprotective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:47am
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It's hard sometimes when you see other kids allowed to do stuff that you feel in your gut isn't necessarily the right thing. Then I start to question myself :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 7:50am
I went to a private school and, as part of a fundraiser, we had a "movie night", whereby admission was charged. The movie that was played was "Finding Nemo". It was on a Friday night and many families attended. I went with a group of friends (I was about 15 at the time). It was a bit like "moonlight cinema".
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 9:30am
If the common area where they were to watch the movie was in the dorms, I'd say you definitely did the right thing. I was picturing a lounge area in a regular school building--a more public area. In the dorms, I'd think it would be way too easy to mosey on off to a boy's room, and your DD probably doesn't know this guy well enough to be sure that he'd never pressure her to do that.

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