Question about therapists

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Question about therapists
12
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 9:43am
The discussion about therapists on another thread got me thinking about an experience we had with our DS. He saw a therapist on a short-term basis for some issues that he was grappling with. My DH and I never really got comfortable with the therapist, and even though everything seems to be OK now, I think my son may one day need to see a therapist again. My question is this: how much does your child's therapist communicate with you about what your child tells them? The therapist who saw my son would tell us next to nothing. At the time, my son was only 11 or 12, and I thought we had a right to know more about what was going on. Is that normal? I know a lot depends on finding the right therapist that you feel comfortable with. I also know that the therapist needs to make the child feel comfortable in opening up to them. But I was wondering if all therapists keep things so confidential from the parents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 10:07am
I feel very fortunate that when Jason went into the PHP last summer he signed a waiver that in essence said he was willing to be treated like a minor.
Pam
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 10:18am

We've seen quite a few DR's over the years. Some were great, some not so much. I have always taken a very proactive role in my dd's care with all her DRs. If I felt that a counselor was not comminicating with me on the level I felt comfortable with, I would schedule a private appt alone to talk. That usually did the trick. We dropped two counselors because one told us it was unethical to discuss anything with me that she discussed with dd. And the other simply was annoying. LOL.

First of all, my dd was dealing with a depression so severe that she was contemplating suicide, so for her counselor to refuse to discuss with me her general state of mind was unreasonable.

Have you requested a meeting with the counselor at all? Perhaps having a simple discussion with him/her would open things up a bit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 11:33am
Yes, we did request private meetings. All this therapist did was say that I was too anxious and that I needed to deal with my own problems. That wasn't helpful at all. Of course I was anxious--I had a 6th grader who needed psychological counseling, plus I was having to care long-distance for both of my parents who had dementia and were dying. What would have alleviated my anxiety was having some info on what was going on with my son! I guess, in retrospect, this was not the right therapist for us. I will "shop around" more if and when this comes up again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 11:45am

The therapist doesn't have to disclose any information to you, unless your child is in danger, is a danger to others, there has been a crime committed, or your child has been abused.

Everything else falls under the confidentiality rules.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 12:19pm
But there are confidentiality rules for other forms of healthcare, yet a doctor wouldn't withhold treatment information on a physical ailment. The only case where I could understand a counselor withholding information would be in the case of domestic abuse, but otherwise I think the parents need to know what is going on with their minor children as long as they are responsible for them. He was only 11. We still had a long way to go to parent him before he'd be an independent adult. I think we had every right--and need-- to know what the issues were.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 4:02pm

It's true that the therapist doesn't HAVE to tell the parent specific details of what is discussed during the child's sessions. However, a GOOD and responsible therapist who has the progress of the child and his/her best interests at the heart of the therapy would and should at least help create a plan so that the parents can work in conjunction to what is being worked on in therapy.

When my dd was in therapy I did not need to know verbatum what was being discussed but I sure as heck expected to know what I should or shouldn't be doing or saying at home. I certainly believe that I had a right to know how she was doing overall and NO WAY would I consider seeing a therapist who basically told me to butt out of my kids therapy - especially at age 11/12.

I think the OP is dealing with a therapist who is just a little too detached from this child's progress and hopeful overall gains from therapy. He is still a child and the parents should very much be a part of his therapy program and if they are not, they should seek out another therapist. And to tell the OP that she should be focusing on her own life?? WTH? The OP's child IS her life!! I find that response appalling.

Even now, at age 17, my dd's counselor and I have discussions and often, my dd asks that I be included in some sessions. The point is to work together as a team to help the patient...right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 8:42am

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HeartsandRoses,

Thank you! I wish I had thought of saying this at the time! I couldn't agree more.

And thanks to everyone for your responses. As always, very useful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 12:02pm

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I hear you, but you need to understand that one of the primary reasons a counselor can get preteens and teens to open up, is that confidentiality. They would never get much out of a preteen/teen if they knew that they would be telling mom and dad everything.

You will be informed it the counselor feels that it's something vital for you to know about. Aside from that you have to trust. I know that is difficult to accept not being in the loop and not knowing what is going on. It was difficult for me when my son, at age 11, was in counseling. I just had to trust that the counselor was getting my son to open up and that they were working on the issues. That is afterall, what I was paying her for.

Have you asked the counselor for advice on how to help at home, things you can do to help etc.. While they can't share details with you, they may be able to offer suggestions for the homefront that can help in your child's treatment plan.

I do hope that this helps some. I know what you are feeling. But trust when I say that the kids open up more and the heart of the problem is reached more quickly when there is confidentiality.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 12:42pm

Stacy,

Thanks. I do understand why there is that confidentiality. I just find it hard to give an absolute stranger so much control over my child in a situation like this. I think it comes down again to finding the right counselor that you can be comfortable with. As I said, this guy insinuated that there was something wrong with ME for wanting to know more about what was happening with my son. That was unprofessional, IMHO. But if he was someone I could trust, it would have been easier to let go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 8:36pm

The way it was handled probably wasn't the best, but the poster who said that the only way some kids will open up is because of the promise of confidentiality.

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