Question about therapists
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Question about therapists
| Sat, 06-02-2007 - 9:43am |
The discussion about therapists on another thread got me thinking about an experience we had with our DS. He saw a therapist on a short-term basis for some issues that he was grappling with. My DH and I never really got comfortable with the therapist, and even though everything seems to be OK now, I think my son may one day need to see a therapist again. My question is this: how much does your child's therapist communicate with you about what your child tells them? The therapist who saw my son would tell us next to nothing. At the time, my son was only 11 or 12, and I thought we had a right to know more about what was going on. Is that normal? I know a lot depends on finding the right therapist that you feel comfortable with. I also know that the therapist needs to make the child feel comfortable in opening up to them. But I was wondering if all therapists keep things so confidential from the parents.

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We've seen quite a few DR's over the years. Some were great, some not so much. I have always taken a very proactive role in my dd's care with all her DRs. If I felt that a counselor was not comminicating with me on the level I felt comfortable with, I would schedule a private appt alone to talk. That usually did the trick. We dropped two counselors because one told us it was unethical to discuss anything with me that she discussed with dd. And the other simply was annoying. LOL.
First of all, my dd was dealing with a depression so severe that she was contemplating suicide, so for her counselor to refuse to discuss with me her general state of mind was unreasonable.
Have you requested a meeting with the counselor at all? Perhaps having a simple discussion with him/her would open things up a bit?
The therapist doesn't have to disclose any information to you, unless your child is in danger, is a danger to others, there has been a crime committed, or your child has been abused.
Everything else falls under the confidentiality rules.
stacy
It's true that the therapist doesn't HAVE to tell the parent specific details of what is discussed during the child's sessions. However, a GOOD and responsible therapist who has the progress of the child and his/her best interests at the heart of the therapy would and should at least help create a plan so that the parents can work in conjunction to what is being worked on in therapy.
When my dd was in therapy I did not need to know verbatum what was being discussed but I sure as heck expected to know what I should or shouldn't be doing or saying at home. I certainly believe that I had a right to know how she was doing overall and NO WAY would I consider seeing a therapist who basically told me to butt out of my kids therapy - especially at age 11/12.
I think the OP is dealing with a therapist who is just a little too detached from this child's progress and hopeful overall gains from therapy. He is still a child and the parents should very much be a part of his therapy program and if they are not, they should seek out another therapist. And to tell the OP that she should be focusing on her own life?? WTH? The OP's child IS her life!! I find that response appalling.
Even now, at age 17, my dd's counselor and I have discussions and often, my dd asks that I be included in some sessions. The point is to work together as a team to help the patient...right?
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HeartsandRoses,
Thank you! I wish I had thought of saying this at the time! I couldn't agree more.
And thanks to everyone for your responses. As always, very useful!
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I hear you, but you need to understand that one of the primary reasons a counselor can get preteens and teens to open up, is that confidentiality. They would never get much out of a preteen/teen if they knew that they would be telling mom and dad everything.
You will be informed it the counselor feels that it's something vital for you to know about. Aside from that you have to trust. I know that is difficult to accept not being in the loop and not knowing what is going on. It was difficult for me when my son, at age 11, was in counseling. I just had to trust that the counselor was getting my son to open up and that they were working on the issues. That is afterall, what I was paying her for.
Have you asked the counselor for advice on how to help at home, things you can do to help etc.. While they can't share details with you, they may be able to offer suggestions for the homefront that can help in your child's treatment plan.
I do hope that this helps some. I know what you are feeling. But trust when I say that the kids open up more and the heart of the problem is reached more quickly when there is confidentiality.
stacy
Stacy,
Thanks. I do understand why there is that confidentiality. I just find it hard to give an absolute stranger so much control over my child in a situation like this. I think it comes down again to finding the right counselor that you can be comfortable with. As I said, this guy insinuated that there was something wrong with ME for wanting to know more about what was happening with my son. That was unprofessional, IMHO. But if he was someone I could trust, it would have been easier to let go.
The way it was handled probably wasn't the best, but the poster who said that the only way some kids will open up is because of the promise of confidentiality.
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