A question with all this sex talk going

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
A question with all this sex talk going
12
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 2:37pm

I've only got girls. DD14 is oldest and doesn't have a bf. She isn't really looking for one, but I figure at least until she drives we're safe. I know with our kids we're not really concerned with making it comfortable for them if the're going to be sexually active. Just that they stay safe at it. And, with boys, I'm sure every time they will be enjoying it.

Those of you who have girls, or spoke with your girls, or plan to even.... Is the girl's enjoyment of the acts part of your discussion at all? As adults we all know that it's sometimes difficult for some women to enjoy the acts. Is a woman's right to fulfillment included in your discussions? Not to say that I want my DD to be with a boy who's experienced enough to even know what will help her enjoy it, but I don't want her to feel like she's only there for a guy's pleasure either. KWIM?

Is this kind of thing something that you don't talk about, you talk about after it's already begun (to try to get them to stop), or something you should talk about up front. I've been thinking and since we're doing Biology next year, it might be something I have an open & upfront discussion with her about. Kind of arm her before she does something she may regret in the future. But, I'm looking to see what everyone else thinks.

Thanks!

Sallie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 11:12pm

I think this would be far too awkward a discussion to have with either of my children. We all know that sex can be quite fulfilling. We also know that it can be fun and enjoyable. And we all remember how much fun even just making out was at that age. I don't need to have this particular discussion with my kids. I strongly believe that some things need to be kept personal. Not everything is meant to be shared. And my sex life was always for me and me only and I never cared to know anything about anyone else's.

But I do think that there are alot of girls, even when I was a teen, who's focus was on "pleasing" the boy more than on themselves. Its not that they didn't think of themselves but that they put the boy ahead of them and their own needs or even readiness. They felt that they needed to keep their man "happy" by doing a few things for him but didn't necessarily want to participate for their own enjoyment.

This to me is symptomic of a bigger issue which is the perception that boys need to be sexually satisfied or the relationship is at risk. I don't know if that is true but perhaps there is some value in talking to young girls about the fact that boys who pressure them into doing ANYTHING that they aren't comfortable about is a problem. And that should include acts other than intercourse that are entirely one-sided.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 1:06pm

Well, DH and DD know I lurk on this board a whole lot. I'm reading every day and more often twice when I'm not working. I did tell both of them that I think I'd freaked you all out with my question. I asked DH if when he first started out doing "the deed" was it all about the guy and he admitted yes. When I told DD that I just wanted to someday help her understand that there's more to it that "wham-bam, thank you ma'am", she said she knows all about doing it, all about the physical, the body parts, IC, etc that they'd already learned that stuff in school. I asked her if they ever talked about the fact that there's really more to it than just physical and that it takes maturity to understand and comprehend that. She admitted that they hadn't. She asked me "so it's not going to be like Sex in the City every time?" to which I told her probably not. And, that if it was or wasn't I didn't want to know, just that she was safe and protected. I just wanted HER to know and understand the bigger picture about it. And, that waiting is better.

Thanks again everyone!

Sallie

Pages