Raising teenage girls
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| Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:44am |
I was born in a very traditional home, where my dad had the final word.
I myself being a single mother am obviously not living a traditional life. But I feel guilty about it sometimes. There are times where I feel there should a male in the house.
It feels wierd having my daughter date and not have the dad to want to protect her. For ex when I was a teenage girl, me and my mother weren't allowed to go out alone at night without a guy. The idea was that guys should protect women ( although I feel at times my dad used it to control us instead, my mom never really said anything but he didn't even let her talk to her own parents and brother and she never did anything. They were a "bad" influence, but god who wasn't?)
I don't want to be dominated or anything, but I feel there should be a male in the house to protect the women. I do go out by myself at night and other instances and it seems I'm doing ok without a guy, but it does feel unusual and at times even wrong. Am I just being old fashioned or what?
I was just wondering how do you guys raise your daughters? Do you raise them to be strong and independent or do you raise them in a traditional way? In the sense that the man should have the final word in the house. He should protect her and she should listen to what he says.

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"My dd's bf kinda took things overboard protecting dd when she returned to school after mono." Well at least he meant well and he cares.
It's not so much that I think it's a man's role to protect the helpless woman. I think that anyone that loves anyone should protect them. I think that's just part of being in a relationship or a family.
I have tried to raise my daughter's to be independent women. Not so independent that they resent men and are self destructive, but so they realize that they shouldn't have to depend on a man. I have tried to show them that they are not property to men or houswives unless that is what they want to be. I tried to show them that its all about compromise and that they can love a person without sacrificing who they are for them.
Stephanie
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I'm joining this discussion late, but you've hit the nail on the head, I think. I've tried to raise my kids (DSs and DD) to see that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, some gender based, but most not. Men are usually bigger and stronger than women, and if the opportunity presents itself to help or protect someone based on that strength, that is what I expect them to do. Women are generally better caregivers and nurturers (though not always) and if the opportunity presents itself to take care of or protect someone based on that strength, that is what is expected.
My DD is growing up to be very independent minded, "I can take care of myself". Her b/f has been raised to carry heavy things, and "be the man." At first she really chaffed against the idea that he would carry her very heavy bookbag when they walked home from school, she's done it herself all these years and she couldn't see why he should do it now. After some give and take, she now lets him carry her books and anything else that is on the heavy side, but she's also "protective" of him - he has a learning disability and doesn't read very well at all, but it took months of them doing their homework at our dining room table before I realized it... she reads everything to him, but does it in a way that you'd never guess that he can't do it himself.
My DH is the same way, has a learning disability and doesn't read well at all... so I handle all our business things, just because it's easier for me. He could if he had to, but it's a chore for him. I know how to change a tire and fix just about anything around the house, but it's a little bit of a struggle for me - but DH is a real Mr. Fix-It, so if he's around when something needs fixing, I'd rather he do it.
In our family, the key is balance... each person has their own set of strengths and weaknesses, and "protecting and taking care of" each other is pretty much determined by who is better at a particular thing, not necessarily strictly on gender roles. When it comes to parenting, because DH works horribly long hours, often on the road, I do 90% of the parenting, but when a major decision is to be made, he's just a phone call away and we discuss it.
Rose
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