ranting, venting and seeking advice
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 9:09am |
Grrr. Snarl....
I have had it with the two little snots in our carpool and I am not sure what to do at this point. Some background: Dd attends a small, Catholic school in a nearby city. Dd started there in the 6th grade (school is pre-K through 12. I told her I would drive her the first year and we would look into the bus for 7th grade. I lucked into a carpool for 7th and 8th grades - a perfect situation where the mom worked about a block away from the school on a 4-day work week. She drove 3.5 days and I took her dd on her day off. The other days, I had my dd to myself for the commute. Sadly, her dd decided to attend the local public school for high school. Enter C & A who attended the local Catholic K-8 school and chose this school for HIgh School. We decided to form a carpool (the bus is $600 and the girls would be on it for an hour each way ... plus dd is in the show choir and practices an hour before school three days a week, so the bus is not a great option for us).
Over the summer, Dd invited both C & A together and separately to our home to swim, for sleepovers, for her birthday party and to a few outings. They seemd toget along, but C&A never invited dd anywhere. The carpool was fine for awhile, the girls would sing along witht he radio, talk and joke around. As time went on, C&A became more and more "inside-ry", they would talk about the parties they attended, the sleepovers - things that excluded dd. She would occasionally change the subject and join in.
Then A decided she no longer liked dd. Please understand, I am not saying my child is completely blameless in this. She may have - and probably did - say something about A that got back to her, but it so - it was a long time ago.
I drive three mornigns a week & the pattern goes like this. We pick up A. She is never, and I mean NEVER ready. Dd goes to the door and we wait. A gets in the car and we both greet her. Dd usually asks her how her weekend was, or asks some open ended question to which she receives a monosyllabic reply. Then we play the seatbelt game. A does not buckle until a). I ask her to or b). I turn around and watch her until she does. (this isn't relevant to dd's story, but it plain ticks me off)
A then either listens to her iPod or sits there in complete silence for the 15 minutes it takes to get to C's house. C is sometimes ready, but not always. She gets in the car, we greet her. She is (or was until recently) a little more friendly and we might exchange a few pleasantries. Then A and C happily chatter - with each other - for the rest of the 1/2 hour drive. A, who was dead silent all the way to C's house is suddenly a chatterbox. They talk, laugh and tell stories. If dd tries to join in ... they might acknowledge her with a word, grunt or giggle but they return to their two way convo.
As of today, my patience is completely exhausted. They were chattering as usual, Dd turned around at one point (they were talking about Rent) and said, "I loved that movie - I'll bring the Cd on Friday (my next time to drive). They giggled and kept talking.
Later, she turned around again and was telling them about a song that two uppperclassmen did as a duet at the variety show (the song was on the radio) ... she was just trying to make conversation and - again - they completely ignored her.
I started shaking my head (immature, I know), but I have had it with their nasty nonesense.
I know I've shared with you that Dd has had a difficult time with low self-esteem this year. This sure isn't helping. When she went to counseling last week, I was in with her for a while and she mentioned the car situation and said "What you don't see, mom, is what goes on when you're NOT driving. It's even worse>"
I have talked to Cs mom (she can't stand A)and, according to dd, Cs mom has tried to get all the girls talking when she drives but it rarely works.
Ok. I know I cannot do anything about C & A's obnoxious behavior. I've told my dd all along to continue to be pleasant (as in always greeting them when they get in the car) and I really thought this would simply run it's course.
We talked with her counselor about arranging a meeting with the moms and the daughters just to get it out, but I'm not sure this would be the best thing for Dd.
I can barely be civil to these girls, but I know I have to suck it up and do exactly that. At least I have 24 hours to cool off before I have to see them again.
This is much too long. Thank you to anyone who stayed awake to this point. I would appreciate any advice you might have.
Thanks,
jt

Pages
I vote for alternative plans ASAP. No need to explain anything to the moms, although it sounds like C's mom would be more open to costructive criticism. A's mom? Well, you didn't really give enough of a description to know if she'd be receptive or not.
All in all, however, I think I'd make the calls and call it quits. Contact the school's guidance office and let them know that you're looking for alternative carpoolers and perhaps, if you have a guidance counselor you can talk discreetly with, let them know the situation so an eye can be kept on dd at school in case there is any fallout from the other girls. Good grief!
I so, like, hate this, like, catty teenage girly stuff!
My 18dd is past it and my 16dd doesn't take much crap from anyone anyhow. Hang in there and hugs to your dd.
Pages