rape and incest in the family

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
rape and incest in the family
19
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:12pm

Hi new here. my name is dusty i am a proud parent of 4- boys and half pint on her way My anger began on march 1st 2007 when i walked in a caught my 13 teen yearold raping my 4 yearold boy .i became very outraged and instead of hitting i called the cops and had him arrested. for 21 days he was out of my home.in a detention center .when he was realesed he had to come back home if not i would get arrested for abandoment.. It has been very hard.
Then he couldnot deal with my anger. so he used this excuse that he was going to kill himself. i saw opp. to get him out of my home again. but before i could take him to the crisis center to have him baker acted. the kids had a doctor app. i needed to take my 7 yearold this day because of school. in thearpy with my 4 yearold he blurrted out that he was also forced to do certian acts on my 13 y old. the doctor called in another report. instead of arresting him the cops baker acted him.. he was baker acted for 8- days a normal baker act is 72 hours. my 13 y old was playing a game now. he knew he was going to be arrested when realesed. so he played the game..for 8 days. on the 8th day he was realesed not even 45 minutes later at my house the detictives where there questing him. he finally coped out and told the truth. he was arrested again this time 6 counts aggervi. battery. he went again for 21 more days for sure this time i knew they where not going to place him back in the home with the younger kids.But they did and they dropped the charges because they put pressure on my 4 and 7 y old to talk. they did not talk and charges are dropped this time around . but he does have 1 year of probation. and a lot of mental abuse counsling and pre preator counsling. my younger chldren are also in counsling.i am also.
but i need advise from people who are dealing with this ordeal i am so mad and ticked off at my 13 yold i can not stand to be around him give him anything. do for him nothing its like i died on the inside for this child i feel nothing for him.and i am scared of what this is doing to him and to me.i am not a hateful or judgemental person but i am doing it now and i am scared.
so what i am thinking of doing is trying to get a support group going in tampa florida for parents that are living my living hell right now.what do you all think and what should i do i am so mad i am boiling on the inside at my child. please help me with any suggestions and believe me i have done alot of home work and gotten alot of help out here but nothing does any good for him..

thank you.
mother in pain..

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 7:35am

THATS JUST IT EVERTHING YOU SAID THERE DONE IT THREATNED TRIED PUTTING A RESTRAING ORDER BUT WHERE HE IS A MINOR AND MY CHILD NO LUCK.

EVERYONE KNOWS WHO SHOULD AND THEN SOME. WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO THIS TYPE OF CRIME NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT AND THEY WANT TO HIDE IT. THIS IS SO PATHITIC I HAVE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH GOVERNERS THE HIGHER UPS AND ITS A CHAIN REACTION UNTIL I AM BACK DOWN TO THE OBIVIOUS THEY ALL SEEM CONCERNED BUT ARE THEY.
THEY FEEL FOR ME BUT DO THEY? THIS IS FLORIDA WE ARE THE CHILD ADOVACATE STATE WITH CHILD LAWS AND PROTECTION.
WELL HERE IS AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM. AND THEY ARE DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT. ITS A HUSH HUSH DEAL. ITS RAPE AND INCEST INSIDE OF THE FAMILY.
U TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. THATS THE DEAL.
I AM NOT SETTLING FOR THAT THERE HAS TO BE MORE. FOR THESE BABIES AND IF THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY. AND I WILL FIND IT JUST TAKES TIME AND I KNOW MY BABIES DO NOT HAVE THAT AND I THINK THIS IS WHERE I GET SO ANGRY AT THE WORLD AND AT MY 13 Y/O.

YOUTH CAMPS AND OTHER PLACES DONT WANT HIM .THEY CAN NOT RUN THE RISK WITH HIM AROUND OTHER YOUTHS . IVE TRIED. BELIEVE ME. NO MATTER IF I PAY THEY STILL DO NOT WANT HIM.

INS I HAVE IT BUT SOME PLACES DONT EXECPT IT. 100. A WEEK IS GOOD. DOWN HERE ITS 1,500 A MONTH CASH FOR TREATMENT I CANT AFFORD THAT.THE INS TAKES ABOUT A YEAR TO QUIALFIE SO STILL I AM STILL SCREWED THE WAY YOU LOOK AT IT.

SO I HAVE SERIUOSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT OPENING UP A SUPPORT GROUP FOR PARENTS LIKE ME WHERE WE CAN RANT AND TRY TO HEAL EACH OTHER, BECAUSE HERE THERE ARE NO SUCH GROUPS NOT EVEN WITH DOCTORS . WE AS PARENTS ARE ALSO VICTIMS. THE WHOLE FAMILY AT THAT EVERYONE IS EFFECTED BY IT.

U KNOW IF IT WAS ANOTHER FAMILY I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT A BIT BETTER BUT ITS MY FAMILY AND IT HAS COMPLETEY TORN ME UP.

THANKS DUSTY

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 7:41am
Have you tried getting your story to Bill O'reily on Fox News? He would get your story told, if that is what you want. I am so sorry for you and your family!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:05am

NO BUT I HAVE SEEN HIM ON CABLE AND BOY HE GETS TO THE POINT . I SEEN THE DISCCUUSION BETWEEN HIM AND GERAOLD RIVERA I WILL GOGGLE HIM IN A MINUTE AND SEE WHERE I GET AND THANKS.

DUSTY

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:55am
Oh my goodness! What the heck is wrong with this world when it is ok to leave children unprotected, just because it is someone that they are related to that is raping them? The authorities would be singing a different tune if you had some man living with you that was doing it. You sound like you are not prepared to leave any stone unturned to get help not only for your younger ones but also for your 13yo. and you are not getting any help from the people who should be helping you. I do not have any btdt experience with this but I have seen the effects of rape and incest in my family. My Aunt was molested by my Grandma's 2nd husband. My Grandma knew and did nothing. I applaud you for fighting not only for your younger kids but for your 13yo. There were a couple of things I thought of while reading the pp 1.) Do the authorities believe that he won't do this to anyone else? Surely they do not beleive that if he has done these things to his own siblings that he won't do it to someone elses kids. 2.)What happens when he is an adult? Then they will have no choice but to deal with him, only what about the kids left in the wake of their negligence. 3.)How angry are people going to be if they learn that the authorities knew that they had a predator at 13 and could have helped him when he was young and saved not only him but any other kids he may hurt? Now that said my DH is an attorney and he does some pro-bono work through the Bar Association in Missouri, may I suggest that you contact your local Bar Association and explain your situation to them and maybe they will be able to point you in some helpful direction. I wish I had more suggestions for you. I have a 17yo DS who is a Troubled Teen (drugs, drinking and self-mutilation) and we went through the same things with our health insurance. They only cover a portion of counseling that we recieved and when that wasn't helping would not cover the out-patient care, when that did not work and we could not keep him safe here at home and made the choice to send him to a Wilderness Program and then onto a Therapuetic Boarding School, the insurance company does not want to cover it. We are blessed to be able to swing it on our own but I think all of the time what do the parents out there who can't afford it do? Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper to deal with these things before they are adults and end up in the prison system? Oh I could sit here all day and rail on the system but that isn't going to help you. I know you are already doing this but keep fighting for all of your kids. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 9:25am

I AGREE I HAVE CONTACTED THE BAR ASS. THE FIRST TIME AROUND AND SHE DID SOME HUNTING AND CAME UP WITH THE SAME AS I NOT REALLY NO SENSE IN GETTING AN ATT. IF THE STATE IS NOT BEHIND YOU. I AM WORKING ON RESIDENTAIL PROGRAMS TAKES A YEAR.
I HAVE TRYIED GETTING INTOUCH WWITH MARK LUNSFORD FOR HELP AND DIRECTION PEOPLE JUST DONT HAVE TIME AND EXPERINCE WITH RAPE AND INCESET.
YES I KNOW HE IS GOING TO DO IT AGAIN ONCE A PRETOR ALWAYS A PRETOR.HE GOING TO KEEP GOING AND HURTING MORE PEOPLE UNTIL HE IS CAUGHT.
THE WORST PART ABOUT THIS IS THIS CHILD FEELS HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG AND HE IS THE VICTIM KNOW.. AND EVERY ONE TREATS HIM AS 1
DID WE SAY CHILD ADVOCATE STATE. WHERE?

THANKS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:10am

If you feel that strongly that he will molest/rape your children again, then he needs to be in the foster system.

Are you open to having him declared "abandoned"? You'll have to go to court and it will remain on your record for your lifetime. You have to completely sign away your rights, and your parenthood, to the state.

I've been doing a little research and I believe you can do that in your state. Have you checked that out? If so, what did they say?

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:35am
You need to hire an attorney and work the system with him/her. It sounded like you have some funds, and it would be a wise investment. Your younger kids need you to take immediate action and using a lawyer is much smarter than resting your hopes on a talk show host potentially picking up your story...... Good luck you.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 12:59pm

If you are truly at the end of your rope, and it sounds like you are, have you considered contacting your Senators/Congressmen?? They may be able to point you in the right direction.

Hugs - I really have no advice - what a situation to be in :(




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:06pm

YES I HAVE , AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO RAPE THEM AGAIN INTIME.OR MAYBE KILL THEM BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN CAUGHT THERE IS NO TRUST IN HIM ANY MORE..

IF I AM TO ABONDAN HIM THREW THE COURTS I AM TAKING A RISK OF LOSING MY OTHER CHILDREN I HAVE TRIED AND I WAS COMPLTATING ON GETTING ARRESTED FOR ABONDAMENT THE 2ND TIME HE WAS ARRESTED.. BUT THAT DAY FEEL ON MY 7 Y/O B/DAY AND IT WOULD NOT OF BEEN RIGHT FOR HIM TO LIVE WITH THAT TYPE OF IMAGE SEEING ME BEING ARESTED ON HIS B/D

SO I HAD TO BRING HIM HOME AGAIN.

THANKS

Pages