Reaction when child is suspended ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Reaction when child is suspended ?
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Thu, 09-21-2006 - 3:30pm
Was wondering what you do (or would do) at home if your child was suspended from school. My 15 year old son got in a fight at noon hour yesterday off school property, and was suspended for the remainder of the day and today. First thing I told him was that he can't play his tv or video games, and that he'd have to use his time well (clean his room etc). I never used the word "grounded", but when his friend came to the door he was smart enough to say "Sorry Kyle - I got suspended today so I can't leave the house - I'll see you on Friday". (honestly I was somewhat impressed that he figured that out on his own without me telling him!). They didn't give him any work to do at home - so he'll have to catch up when he goes back on Friday. And I told him he can't go out etc. Friday or on the weekend until he is done whatever he missed. Now, I know some parents don't do any of this...as a teacher I have seen kids get suspended and basically lay on the couch watching TV while mom serves them sandwiches. On the other hand, I suppose some people would go for MORE punishment than this. This is my first time on THIS side of a suspension, so I wanted opinions ;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 3:50pm
I think your reaction is a good one. He seems to know it is a punishment, and that he wouldn't be allowed out socially without you even having to tell him. That alone is a sign of maturity IMO. When my son was suspended several years ago, I reacted similarly, he had the punishment from school and was not allowed social interaction until the suspension was completed and the work made up. (although he really didn't miss anything) I think any punishment beyond that is overkill. They all make mistakes, that is part of the learning process.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 4:18pm

This is actually one of my pet peeves - I don't know what it is about this area, but these kids get suspended/expelled in amazing numbers, yet these same kids are on the computer, the phone, at the game, etc. These are kids that are suspended for bomb threats, stealing over 1000 laptops from the school, multiple fighting incidents, threatening teachers, etc

There is one girl dd knows that has been suspended 5 times in the last year - 5 Times!!! The first time she ended up spending the night at my house half way through her suspension - I was dumbfounded.

Anyway, I got off on a tangent...I have no idea what I would do if either of my kids were suspended. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. If they were defending themself, I probably wouldn't have too much to add to the suspension, but if it were extreme circumstances there would be heck to pay....




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 7:33pm

In general, I think a first offense(and I would include first suspension in that) does not warrant added punishment at home

But..I dont feel you 'added' punishment-that would be something like grounding him for the weekend whether his work was done or not. You enforced what I assume was the 'spirit' of the suspension and added the expected logical consequence of taking the time to make up the missed work

Personally I like the way you handled it !

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 8:28pm
Number one, I would have had a huge problem with him fighting on or off school property, other than self defense. Number two, I would have called the school to schedule a pick up of any work. Number three, what a great opportunity for some grunt work at home. Bet that garage needs cleaning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 10:03am
About the picking up work - I was suprised to find out that they would NOT give me any. They said he'd have to make it up when he got back, but they weren't going to make the teachers scramble around to find him something - I guess the idea is to inconvenience HIM more than the teachers, which I suppose makes sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 10:04am
I think you handled it fine.
Pam
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 11:51am
Yeah, back in my day when I stupidly got suspended - we weren't allowed to make up any of the work that was missed - it was an automatic 0. I have no idea how it works now.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 12:04pm
Well, I think you handled that very well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 7:18pm
I'm late chiming in here, but my son was suspended from school a few years ago. He was NOT a teen so this approach may not be appropriate for a teen. I took him to work with me and he had to write an essay (he hates writing) about what he did that got him suspended, why it was wrong and what he was going to do to prevent himself from being suspended again. I was impressed with his paper and the thoughts he had on what happened. He hasn't been suspended since (not yet anyway!!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 3:48pm
Thanks for the input - wanted to update what happened. While I didn't have him right an essay, the school did some excellent follow up. They had us come in this morning and meet with the other boy and his parents for a little group discussion of what happened and how to prevent it in the future. First of all, the other parents (I was a little nervous about how they'd be!) were GREAT. Same attitude as me - no one person "to blame", let's fix it, etc. (these boys have a long history of conflict, apparently - something about Billy beating up Austin way back in grade 7 and Austin wanting revenge ever since? Ridiculous and I can't find out any more details.). But BEST of all - both boys were really GREAT - very involved in the conversation and serious about it (I was afraid that mine, at least, would just totally shut down). I think we really accomplished something (knock wood) WAY better than just a punishment (suspension) and then straight back to the same old situation.


Edited 9/25/2006 3:49 pm ET by mom2morgan

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