reality check

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
reality check
13
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 9:28am
Hi. I've been reading this board for a while now and have gotten lots of good ideas. My issue is that I have a DD15 who has her first boyfriend (also 15). They are freshmen in high school. We do not allow her to go to her boyfriend's house just to "hang out", even if his parents are home. The only exception is if he's having a group of friends over, and this has only happened once or twice so far. We think it's best if they go out with a group of friends or if he comes over to our house, where we can supervise. My DD, of course, thinks this is way too strict and "everyone else" is able to go to their boyfriend's house. I should add that we are not 100% comfortable with this boy's parents yet. What do you do? I think it's easier to loosen up on the rules than to have to become stricter later on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: ejteach2007
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:15pm
Let me add that the one time I spent some time with the boyfriend's parents--at a diner after a school activity--his mom told the woman sitting next to me that she "doesn't bother" getting to know the names of her son's girlfriends because he goes through so many of them! That is one reason why I'm uncomfortable letting her go over there. Even if she thought it, why would she say that when I was right there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
In reply to: ejteach2007
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 1:50am
I let my DD (15) go to her boyfriends house for several months.... as long as the parents were home. One night, when I was picking her up I saw the upstairs bedroom lights turn on / then off and a few minutes later she entered the car. BF's parents allowed them to lay upstairs in his queen size bed, with the lights off / door closed and watch TV. I was floored! The visits were stopped... he was welcome at our house but not vice versa. It never occured to me that parents would be this "liberal".... I guess I assumed that since the BF was nice the parents were OK too. Now, DD and BF have been broken up for several months. She recently told me that the breakup was due in large part to the pressure he was putting on her to have sex... in these situations with the whole family downstairs.
On the other hand... when snooping thru myspace.... I came upon an entry where 2 kids where discussing a gathering at a friends house. One was ribbing the other about being the bathroom for 45 minutes with his GF and having sex on the bathroom floor. It sure sounded like this was a supervised gathering with parents present.
I think that kids at this age will find ways to bend the rules. I don't know what I'll do when the next BF comes along....Pray alot (???!!!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: ejteach2007
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 10:00am
That is a very strange attitude for a parent to have and knowing this, I think you are right to be cautious. When my Ds is old enough to date, I will teach him to have more respect for girls. Actually, he is 11 and already likes a girl, who apparently likes him too. He is always talking about how he likes her because she is so nice to everybody. At least he has good taste.

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