refusing to wake up and go to school

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
refusing to wake up and go to school
20
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 12:55am

My 13y old, 9th gr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 6:51am

I'm very sure she doesn't sneak out at night. I did contact the school councelor and VP to the point of sensing their irritation with me because there was a day that I was at the school 3X to report (via the councelor's instruction) who I have contacted and what's the outcome. Went to the police per their instruction because she's refusing to get up to go to the doctor. Police didn't do anything, he said they cannot touch the kid. All I got that day were phone #s to call for intervention and councelling. I called mobile response and the instant response was they couldn't send anyone because she's not violent or endangering herself. So I was reporting all these to the school...and I sensed irritation for being there so much. My last visit was at the end of school day and they didn't like the overtime work. An in house councelling finally happened and just started last week from the service. Base on what I see, it's not fully sleep disorder because she moves around in bed, sometimes go to the bathrm in between then goes back to bed. I know she's spiting me. A neighbor school friend woke her up to go to school, then once the friend left for the bus, my daughter went back to bed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 7:58am

Jumping in late in the game here - but it seems to me that your daughter is getting an awful lot of attention for her acting out. Look at how much of your time and energy she's been able to capitalize on! She has succeeded in making the whole thing your job/responsibility. Stop jumping through hoops to get her up, to report to school, etc.

If this were my daughter, I'd do two things - look into depression as a possibility and address it if possible; then find out what she likes and is motivated by and tie good behavior to those things. My DD16 and I have gotten to love our early morning coffee together (without her little brother around) - and I know that helps her. Can you offer new clothes, a special time together, something cool with her friends as motivation for getting to school? Taking everything away doesn't work, it just makes them mad and dig their heels in more.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:56am
I agree w/ everything Sue says and I think you've gotten some excellent advice so far. Once you've ruled out any mental or physical causes for this, though, if it's just a matter of your DD digging in her heels, I'd probably take everything out of her room that makes it so attractive to her. One thought that occurs to me--and this is way out there, I know--what if you took her bed out of her room??? This kind of reminds me of those kids who slam their bedroom doors to get attention or make a point, and their parents remove their doors. Of course this is a really bad idea if your DD really does have depression or some kind of physical ailment, but if it's just a matter of stubbornness, I wonder if sleeping in a sleeping bag for a couple of nights might make her want to get up in the morning!
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:18am

It's time to get tough mom.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:13am

I'm not sure what to tell you about getting her to school or the dr.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:24am

Yes I thought about that too. What I had done was took away all her blankets and opened her window...guess what? she tolerated it for a long while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:33am
It sounds to me like she enjoyed getting the attention from the ex-bf, which means that maybe this is all about all of the attention she's getting because of this behavior! Look at how she's getting the adults to jump through hoops for her!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 6:15pm

You know, I would love to copy this entire thread and post it on another board that I'm on, that's populated mostly by parents of toddlers, preschoolers, and early elementary schoolers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 12:24am

Tonight I called in to Coach Jason's new teleconference and he referred to the book, "Parent as Coach" that promotes parenting by permission (hope I worded that correctly). It's a book I'm going to pick up, even though I'm almost done parenting my own boys. (I still plan to work with at-risk kids whom I tutor, and can use all the help I can get.)

I didn't expect the teleconference to be as good as it was, but it really forced me to listen. When I come to this board, I tend to re-read the posts I agree with, but just skim over those I'm not particularly interested in. Also, I'm always thinking of how to reply as I read the posts. While listening during the call-in, I concentrated a lot harder on everything discussed. He sounded a lot like the therapist my son met with twice last fall after he got in trouble. His website is theparentscoach.com, and there you can find the number to call in, Mondays at 7:30 P.M. Pacific time (10:30 p.m. eastern). Do try to call in next Monday. You've got a tough problem with your dd, and with his years of experience he'll likely have some words of wisdom to help you get her back in school.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 2:09pm

I have to agree w/ you and the other posters here.

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