Regrets from teen years

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Regrets from teen years
12
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 4:30am

You know its interesting when I look at my 17 yr old son. Hes a pretty good looking kid and really popular with the girls. I feel happy for him but you know it kind of reminds me of my life and how I've never been exactly the guy who turns heads. And yea women pretty much don't notice me.


I've only had one girlfriend my whole life and I ended up marrying her. My son has had around 5 and has probably had sex with more women at 17 than I've had in my whole life. Even today I'm not exactly good looking and my wife is average looking.


SO I'm just wondering when you guys see your kids success with the opposite sex (if they are successful) does it ever remind of your past when you weren't ( if you weren't that is) Do you ever regret that you don't really have as much success as they do?


Its doesn't necessarily have to be with the opposite sex but for ex. if they are better at sports than you were or at dance or something, does that ever bring any regrets?

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Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 8:09am

I understand where you are coming from. I look back at who I was and sometimes wish I had been someone different than I was. I had things that I was dealing with at the time that kept me from doing things and being more "popular" with guys. I didn't date at all in my teens and hubby is really the only one I ever dated.


My dd has kissed more guys in her 17 yrs old experience than I have in my life time. But that being said, even though I look back and wish things could have been easier for me then, I'm happy with who I am today and where I am. I am happy with my hubby and my family, my situation all the way around. Sure there are things I would like to change at times, but basically I am happy with my life, who I am and who I'm with etc.


I believe that all our past experiences make us who we are today, if I had been different when I was a teen, more popular with guys, really had seen how I looked and not thought so little of my self,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 8:13am

Well, I'm not sorry I wasn't more sexually active, but in some ways, yes -- there are some things I wish I had done differently.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 8:51am

I think that everyone has somehting they wish they had done differently or could have changed about their past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 10:29am

My biggest problem is not about how I wish that I had more of a life like my teenagers but it is that because I know the mistakes I made.....and things I wish I could change.....I can hover over my kids, trying to "save" them from making the same mistakes.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 10:34am

In each of my daughters I see something that "I wish" I had or had not done when I was their age.


With dd19, I see a very level headed, capable, independent, budding young woman who knows what she wants, is willing to do the work necessary to get there, and is confident about her ability to do so. She sets goals for herself, does not dwell on the negative, plants a smile on her face. She doesn't drink in excess and she doesn't smoke cigarettes or pot. She's tried both, but neither ever took. She's honest with friends, family and authority figures; She's not easily intimidated by teachers or bosses, etc., and she's not afraid to try new things even if they are alien to her. I WISH I had even a small bit of that when I was her age. It took me YEARS, a marriage, two children and a divorce to finally have that level of confidence in myself.


With dd17, I also admire her ability to be herself and even if it's a little left of center, still be happy with some of her choices. What I see in my 17dd right now, moreso, however, are things that I regret from when I was her age. I see the impulsive decisions she makes that almost always turn out badly and fill her with regret and sadness. I see the lost look

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 11:57am

I married the first guy I ever fell in love with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 1:38pm

I can't say that my DD was any more successful w/ boys in high school than I was, even though I think she's a lot better looking than i was (maternal pride).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 5:28pm
No. Regrets are a waste of time. I also am not jealous of my kids at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 7:13pm

I think the regrets are already there-the kids reaching certain ages just dredges them up.

You can share your experiences and thoughts(although OPs is a bit 'touchy' as opposed to a career choice, I suppose)but they do have to make their own mistakes

I find my generation tends to lean towards making sure our kids dont make the same mistakes we did. And we are adamant that our parents did NOTHING in this regard. As DH has said about 3258 times "if only somebody had told me......"

The reality is, having lived with the man for 25 years, he listens to NO ONE. Not his wife, co workers, fellow board members(homeowners association), supervisors, doctors, dentists, etc etc

So why in heavens name should I choose to believe his parents never gave him advice over the far more likely "HE CHOSE TO IGNORE IT!"

Although most of us are not as pigheaded as DH, I suspect our parents gave us words of wisdom we chose to ignore or forget. Granted, not if your parents were dysfunctional, but if they were typical parents.......

My dad called where my relationship with DH would be in much the same way diamonds parents called hers. I thought my dad was reading DH all wrong-and he was spot on!

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 9:53pm

There are a couple of you that have said about your parents thinking dh wasn't right for you, but you know at the time you were in love and no one ever can see that something is wrong with the relationship when they are in love. Especially not if they are young and it is the parent that sees the "wrong" things.


I have been lucky that my parents both have loved my dh almost as much as I do. Actually, my mom doesn't see a thing that could be wrong with him. Well, except that she thinks he is a little tough on the kids sometimes. But then again so do I. LOL!


I just went through this kind of situation with dd, she had a friend who she kind of liked and he liked her. They considered dating. One day he kissed her and they had a little make out session. Only kissing mind you, but then he went back to the old girlfriend who he had been dating "in secret" all summer. I had told dd not to get involved with E romantically, that it would be a bad thing for their friendship. Well I was right and she told me so. She and E can't go back to the relationship they had, his gf doesn't want him around her and he wants Kelsie to keep it secret, she won't so she doesn't even talk to him. I think she just wishes they hadn't taken that step and they could just be friends, but they can't.


Yes, sometimes we should have listened.

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