Relationship Addicts
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| Sat, 04-22-2006 - 11:31pm |
Do you think there is such a thing as people who are incapable of not being involved in some sort of romantic relationship ie some sort of relationship "addiction"?
The reason I ask is that one of my dd's friends who happens to be the daughter of a close friend of mine is 13 years old and seems to be constantly involved with some boy or another. She's been this way since she was 11 or 12. At first her dad would laugh it off and call it all a "game". Sure, it probably was something like that when she was 11. But now she is 13, headed to high school in the fall and I swear I think she has a new "boyfriend" every 2 to 3 weeks!
Its like this cycle whereby she meets these cute boys, they chat her up as boys that age can do, she falls HARD saying she's "in love" and that this is the "boy for her forever". Things get excitingly romantic accompanied by the usual complement of soap opera type drama until eventually they break up. Within a week she's on to the next one waiting in the wings.
And her mum seriously worries about her saying she's so concerned about high school and that her daughter will continually be getting caught up in these romantic entanglements and lose her focus on her studies.
The whole thing leaves me scratching my head. Why is this girl constantly seeking affection and approval of boys? She is very pretty, charming, intelligent, talented and she has a very close-knit devoted family and strong faith. I have really grown to love this young girl as my daughter's friend and someone I've watched grow up over the years and I worry about her well-being. I worry because as she gets older, relationships get more serious and complex but also because she appears incapable of being without this outside approval.
Anyone else experience this sort of thing with their teens? Is this a phase?
(My own 14 yo daughter hasn't even DANCED with a boy for goodness sakes. She is also of the opinion that she doesn't really want any boyfriends just yet and she'd prefer to just remain friendly.)

I had a friend like this as a kid. She was an absolute nutjob. Very pretty and nice but was continually COMPELLED to have a boyfriend at all times. She would consider anyone her boyfriend just so she could have one at all times. I'm sure to the casual observer she just looked like a popular likeable girl....but it was more. It was this thing. Turned out...many years later....she told me her dad was molesting her and that her mother knew about it but was too much of a coward to do anything to help her daughter. F*ing SICK! I still get mad when I think about that.
I am loathe to accept a pop-psych term like "relationship addict" but experience tells me where there's
I've seen this kind of behavior among my kids' friends since about the 6th grade, I'm not sure WHY they are so compelled to be in a relationship, but I suspect it comes from a low self esteem.
Nothing necessarily wrong with this but some kids do seem to be more interested in the opposite sex than others. All of my kids' friends who are more into having boyfriends/girlfriends have parents with at least one partner was young (under mid-20s) when they married. It could be the sex drive. It could be that they are more gregarious. I don't know.