Religious education
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| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 7:47pm |
Recently my DD14 has been fighting about going to religious school and I'm not sure how hard to push it or what reasons to give her for going....
We are Jewish, and she had her Bat Mitzvah almost 2 years ago. In our Temple, kids can go for three more years (10th grade) for a Confirmation class. Not every kid does it, but it's also a more relaxed "adult" approach to education, since they've completed the big hurdle of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Last year, DD liked it (more cute boys than girls helped alot!). This year, she's constantly asking to 'skip'. I try to give her some flex (she can miss if she has alot of homework), try to make it her choice (if you're going to do adult education, it should be your initiative), but I'm running out of reasons to keep her going. Right now I'm relying on straight bargining (go this week, you can skip next week, not two weeks in a row) and stubborness (yes, you *HAVE* to go).
I'd like to avoid a straight out confrontation - don't want to force it on her - but I'm not sure what other alternatives I have.
Any ideas or experience?
Sue

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Sue,
It seems to be quite common for younger teens to pull away and perhaps question their faith at about the age of your DD. Somewhere between 6th and 8th grade, my DD really protested about going to church and Sunday school. DH and I were questioning our involvement with a particular church at the same time and she ended up getting quite a break from church and religion!
However, when it came to for high school, she had her heart set on attending the school where she is currently a freshman. It is a private Catholic school and we are not Catholic. She has four years of religion classes ahead of her, attends mass at school about once a month and a short prayer is said at the beginning of each class, every day. This seem to draw her back to her own faith, as she is the one who requested we return to our old church (we had been visiting and attending others in the area) at the Christmas season and she is now quite involved in the youth program.
I am not very familiar with the Jewish faith, how often or when you attend services. Are the classes in addition to regular services on a different day? Is she making two separate trips to temple on two different days? Is it possible that at the end of a long day, your DD really is tired? Have you asked her straight out what she finds objectionable in the class?
Do you think you could compromise and ask her to attend just one event at temple each week? (I have to give credit to tobylady for that idea; I happen to think it is a great one.)
Sorry I don't have more in the way of btdt advice for you ...
Julie
I was wondering the same type of things that Jules asked. How often does the class meet? Is it before or after regular worship or does she have to make a separate trip? Why does she not want to go?
My youngest DD went through spell when she didn't want to attend Sun night activities b/c she felt they were worthless and a total waste of her time. Some of the material was too juvenile for her and some of it went straight over her head. So we are now splitting the kids into two groups for at least 1/2 of the time, one for older teens and one for younger ones. This way the lesson is better phrased to the age directed. Maybe she truly doesn't understand the material being presented and is frustrated with it. Before I tried to address this, I would need to understand her reasoning. Maybe once you understand her reasoning, you can address the issue with the instructor of the class. If she's not understanding the material, he needs to know that - others probably aren't getting it either. If she's uncomfortable with this group of kids, the instructor can include activities that may help with that.
Since this is apparently an important step in the religious education of your DD, I would simply explain to her that God gave her to you as a gift with His intent being that you raise her as a faithful follower and that this education is necessary to accomplish that goal. The Bible states this concept very clearly in several places. I just finished a devotional book on parents in the Bible and the last section of this book gives many examples of this. So by insisting that she attend this class, you are only doing what God expects of you. How can she argue with God?
I wouldn't negotiate with her. Simply tell her that she's going to go. I agree with your making allowances for legitimate excuses but most weeks she will just have to accept that she's going to go. Try to do something special either before or after - ice cream, shopping, etc might help but I wouldn't pose it as a bribe.
Good Luck!!
Beautiful response, as usual tobylady. Thanks for helping us all keep these kinds of thing in the proper perspective.
{{hugs to you}}
Julie
Thanks for your input. I think part of the problem is the classes are very small, and there's only a couple of kids she likes. If they're not there, she is bored. And even though it's fun to have all boys - there aren't any other girls right now and no one she bonds with. Maybe I'll try to encourage her more into Youth Group, which is more fun and has kids of all ages.
Sue
Thanks! I do think some of it is her questioning faith - and some is that it's a Wednesday night, after a long day at school. She has to get there on her own, get her own supper at Subway, and do homework until class starts. Gosh, written that way, I'm amazed she *ever* goes LOL The teachers work very hard to make the lessons interesting to teens, but still they're teens and mostly just interested in talking to each other.
Her other objection to the class is there's only 3-4 other kids, and if one of htem is absent there's no one interesting to talk to. And no girls (I don't know why there are no girls at her age level).
thanks for your support
Sue
Thanks!
I think a big part of it is she's tired - at the end of a school day - and as I said to Julie, she has to get there on her own, get her own take out for supper, and do homework in the Temple lobby. Not a great set-up.
So, I will take your advice and talk to her about ways to make it more palatable/enjoyable. Alone time with me is always a big draw, so maybe I can work that in.....
Thanks for your thoughts and support
sue
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Wow, I'm impressed. As they get older, time with mom isn't that special but occassionally they still want it. My DD actually wants me to go with her while she is job hunting this afternoon. So I will sit in the car and wait while she does her thing and then chit chat on the way to the next place. Not exactly my idea of a wonderful afternoon but I take the time whenever and however I can get it.
Hi ljd - I have BTDT with both my girls, and we are Jewish too -
Calmama54, from the beautiful
Calmama54, from the beautiful
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