Religious education

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Religious education
23
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 7:47pm

Recently my DD14 has been fighting about going to religious school and I'm not sure how hard to push it or what reasons to give her for going....

We are Jewish, and she had her Bat Mitzvah almost 2 years ago. In our Temple, kids can go for three more years (10th grade) for a Confirmation class. Not every kid does it, but it's also a more relaxed "adult" approach to education, since they've completed the big hurdle of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Last year, DD liked it (more cute boys than girls helped alot!). This year, she's constantly asking to 'skip'. I try to give her some flex (she can miss if she has alot of homework), try to make it her choice (if you're going to do adult education, it should be your initiative), but I'm running out of reasons to keep her going. Right now I'm relying on straight bargining (go this week, you can skip next week, not two weeks in a row) and stubborness (yes, you *HAVE* to go).

I'd like to avoid a straight out confrontation - don't want to force it on her - but I'm not sure what other alternatives I have.

Any ideas or experience?

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 3:05pm

Oh wow. After hearing about her day goes even BEFORE getting to confirmation class I'd be inclined to think I wouldn't want to go either! That's a pretty long day and I have to say she's a pretty mature and responsible teenager to handle all that on her own. My own DD wigged out last week when she wanted Rubio's on the way home and I told her she had to go in and order it herself. 'You mean you're not coming in WITH me?'

Do you think you or your DH could meet her for dinner on class nights? Perhaps the time and day of the class could be changed? Our confirmation class meets on Sunday mornings about 90 minutes before church services begin.

Jules

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:36pm
Hope that works out. Our synagouge used to do its own confirmation class, but the classes were also verry small. My DD's class was down to 4. We joined a group that pulls from the greater Sacramento area. Now they have a core class and choose an elective from a list of about 25. My DD picked song leading and loves it. Our youth group is still just our synagouge and very tiny, but they get together with the groups the other kids at confirmation belong to. Is your temple conservative? Just curious. Here, we have to please everyone as its the only temple in a 30 mile radius!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 7:54pm

I live in Queens, NY - there's a temple in every neighborhood it seems!! lol We are the main Reform Temple in our area. Most in Queens/Long Island are Conservative, and many others are Orthodox. The Religious School in our Temple is growing - but still relatively small. Ten years ago, four small temples merged to make ours, and that's when DD's age group would have started religious education (we didn't live here then), so I'm guessing they didn't have too many kids enroll and that's why classes are so small.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:48pm

Hi,


My DD will be in the Confirmation class next year, when she's in 10th grade. She goes to Hebrew Academy now on Wednesday nights. I'm lucky in that she enjoys the curriculum, but sometimes she hates going because of some of the kids she doesn't get along with. Fortunately, many of them have dropped out this year, so Confirmation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:48pm
One of my best friends lives in Queens and is Jewish, but I don't know if she's affiliated. Her parents probably are. do you by any chance know the Lebow family? I'm a Jersey kid misplaced on the Pacific!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:55pm

My DD will be attending a Reform summer camp in New York, with songleading as her "major." Evidently the teens work with younger kids at the camp's daycamp. She's been helping with

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:24am
Hey - our kids go to Washington too! How fun! Maybe I can keep DD going based on that! I just wish there were other girls in our Temple who she knew and liked. The one who is close to her age is not really DD's type, they get along OK, but nothing special.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:51am

hi sue.


I will give you my background so you will know where i am coming from. I was born in the US to a modern orthodox family (we went to 'normal' day schools - religious ones but in those days alot of the kids came from reform and conserv homes or even unaffiliated, we wore slacks, we kept shabbat/kosher at home - but we would eat things like tuna salad out). then we moved to israel - in the 70s, so we were part of the religous school system. at 45 i finally was able to articulate *my* own feelings about God and organized religion. its not that i ever felt that it was stuffed down my throat, but i guess that subconsiously i just went along with what i was taught, more or less.


my son - is now 19, and a few years ago decided that he doesn't believe in God, he hates the organized religions etc etc. at the time - *I* was still 'religious' - but i realized that it wasn't go to work to try and "force" the issue (i tried). the point was that i had raised my son to search for answers in every aspect of life, how could i stop him?


I think that in 'general' its never a good idea to force religion. maybe yoru dd will come around later on, maybe this is part of her rebellion, and maybe this is who she is. you can respect her for HER feelings and attitudes - but you do have to demand the same respect from her (which is how i put it to my son). also - you don't write if you go to family services - but maybe you could put that as something that is a 'family' activitiy and you would want her to attend those.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 11:25am
Thanks, Deborah. Mine is going to run a day camp at our temple with the adult she aides in our religious school. She sounds like she's doing alot of the same things as yours, Is yours a musical theater nut? Song leading has been a real draw for mine at confirmation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 2:58pm

Music is my DD's entire life. She loves theater, sings in the "A" Jazz Choir at school (got in as a freshman, which almost never happens), plays piano and guitar and is the Cantor's "slave" at our temple. She wants to be a Cantor and seems very motivated to follow that path. She's especially excited about going to New York this summer -- her goal in life is to see Spamalot on Broadway. The camp also takes the teens down to NYC for a day and they will see a Broadway show