Respect your elders!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Respect your elders!!
10
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:00pm

I have always taught my dd to be polite, especially to her elders. She always has been, I have been told what a wonderful girl she is by many.

Just throwing this out to see if anyone feels like I do. When do we tell them it is okay to say what is on their mind, especially if someone is being blatently mean to them for no reason other than they simply aren't nice people.

DD was at her b/f yesterday for their annual super bowl bash. She has been dating this boy for 2 1/2 years, very much a part of the family. She has a little sapphire ring he got her for Christmas, they say it is a promise ring. Neither family has any problem with the relationship or this present he got her. Friends of his Mom's stopped by last night, my dd had never met her before, just heard of her. She overheard dd b/f aunt ask to see the ring, she realized she never got a good look at it. This woman chimes in and says to my daughter, who she never met, "don't you think you are too young for any ring". My daughter was shocked but said, "no I don't. I said that was fine, she needed to keep her opinion to herself, she isn't even family. Then my dd had our dog there and the dog was sitting in my dd lap, this woman puts her arm on my dd chair and the dog nudged her to be petted, she was later overheard saying our dog was ugly and annoying.

I want to tell my dd the next time to just say, with respect" mind your own business. She is 19 and in college.

B/f parents did not hear this and my daughter is too polite to say anything and I would never make an issue.

When is it okay to tell her to just speak up for herself. I feel the respect goes both ways. I don't feel adults should talk to children like that.

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:27pm

I think your DD's response about the ring comment was fine and that it was best left at that.

As an animal lover, I would be hurt if someone called my pet 'ugly' too, but it sounds like this woman is just an extremely rude person and imo, your DD is best to just ignore her and her comments and try to forget about them.

Your DD will most likely have experiences with plenty of rude people in her life and it may be best if she learns now that not everyone she meets is polite and considerate. This sounds like one of those things she should take with a grain of salt and forget about -- for now anyway. If her relationship with bf gets more serious and she has occassion to be in the presence of this rude woman more often in the future, then yes, I think she should be prepared for the possibility of unkind remarks and be prepared with a witty comeback -- or two.

But for now, I'd think I'd be inclined to let it go.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 4:58pm

I couldn't agree with you more that respect goes both ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 5:27pm

First of all at 19, she's not a child but you are right she should be respectful. My DD would have ignored the comment about the ring but I guarantee she wouldn't have let the comment about the dog go! She would have informed them that she thinks her dog is cute and a whole lot less annoying than they were!

I think your DD would simply do good to avoid these people in the future if at all possible. She probably handled the situation right - out of respect for her b/f's family.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:00pm

I agree that people should not be rude to *any*one, regardless of their age; however, we know that is NOT going to happen. We all run across rude people every day. But, as a general rule, just because someone is rude to us, doesn't mean we should be equally rude back. (Edited: I just re-read this, and I *don't* mean to imply your dd was rude OR that the polite "MYOB" is equally rude). I totally agree with hydrangea_blue that a witty comeback is perfectly fine if your dd can come up with one, especially since she is basically an adult. (that's my problem, I can't come up with anything until hours after the fact!) With that in mind, I believe your dd handled the ring comment quite nicely.

As far as the dog comment, since it wasn't said directly to your dd, then that's best left alone.

Since this lady is a friend of her bf's Mom, she may very well be in this lady's company again sometime in the future. Just to keep the peace, I would tell your dd to just let any future comments roll off your dd's back.




Edited 2/5/2007 6:01 pm ET by mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:41pm
The womans comment about your dog just isn't worth responding to. The answer your daughter gave to the ring comment was great. Short and sweet and not worth saying "more on". (Or should I say "Moron!") :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:46pm
I think your dd did fine in both cases.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:52pm

On the other side..

The woman is the young's aunt and it is only natural that she is concerned about his welfare. Given the extremely high rate of marriage failures amoung those you marry before 25 these days, I can see her concern. Your daughter's answer was fine. She should leave it at that.

As for the dog, perhaps the dog was annoying. I like dogs as much as the next person. I have one but I would never bring my dog to a family function or to someone else's house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 8:16am

Just to clarify, it wasn't his aunt that said it, it was a friend of his mom's who did not even know anyone. The aunt and his entire family have no problem with any part of the relationship.

Thanks to everyone, I do not feel like I am the only one with the thoughts I had. My dd did handle it very well and we have just been joking about it now. And yes, I am really surprised that she did not make more of a fuss about the dog, that little dog is her baby.

I guess another good life lesson, she will go through many of those!!!!

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 8:28am

I am really surprised my daughter didn't flip out about the dog. The heck with that ring, that little dog is her pride and joy. She is a 4 year old Jack Russell Terrier who looks like a panda bear, hence her name Panda Bear.

She said if it comes to having to be in the same place with her again, she will just ignore her. She hadn't met her in two and half years of dating, so maybe it will be that long till she sees her again hahaha.

Thanks,

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:55am

<<>>

IMHO, save the snappy “put-em-in-their-place” retort for strangers who butt in line at the grocery store. This was a FAMILY gathering. Not just any family; the future in-laws she will have to contend with for the rest of her life, for better or worse.
Every family has a jackass.
Insulting the family dog is by no means grounds for throwing down the gauntlet.
Her comment about the ring was simply her opinion that DD is too young. Yes. It was incredibly rude.
Praise your DD for her handling of the situation and privately laugh about it. She did indeed show her maturity by NOT trying to tangle with Aunt Gertrude.