Usually DD (17) does respect my decisions especially if she understands them. She may not agree with them but she knows that I don't willy nilly make decisions about her and her life. She may not agree with them or my reasons for making them but as long as she knows that I've given it some thought (and I usually do) she accepts them. This is not to say that she doesn't have her moments with attitude but she is getting better. We've both been working very hard over the past couple of years to not push each other's buttons and to communicate more effectively. I think that this has helped her to respect my decisions.
I think they do, for the most part. I try not to be too overbarring (sp?) and have always let them make their own decisions, within reason, of course. I like to think that I provide guidance more than decision making for them. So far so good. Both kids are good kids who cause us minimal problems.
We've never had any issues with this. We will typically ask our children their opinions about most everything and have rarely taken the "we're the parents and this is the decision we made" stance. Maybe it's because neither DH and I are very good at making decisions! This might not be the best route however, because they are just kids and perhaps shouldn't be burdened with some things. There are some decisions that DH and I, as adults, probably SHOULD make on our own.
Fortunately, we have not been in a position to have to make a decision that they would perceive to be one-sided, such as moving to another state ... or something like that. Nor have they have asked to participate in an activity or do something that was questionable to us. Doesn't mean it won't happen, it just hasn't yet.
Yes I do, not that I make a whole lot of hard and fast decisions that concern them without their input.... Now that I think about it, I can't think about any!
This is pretty much what we've always done with our teens and for the most part, yes, they do respect our final decisions and why. We discuss things, we try to see things from thier perspectives and we help them to see things from ours. And, we make sure that if we're taking a hard line on a particular decision that they fully understand why before laying down the law.
And I can't remember ever a time when I've said, "Because I'm the parent, that's why" - that's just not my style of parenting. H would like to be that way at times, but he usually doesn't.
For the most part, yes. Like many of the other posters, we involve her in most decisions (like moving her from a neighborhood school to an all girls school 20 miles away!). She is an only child and I know she feels "outnumbered" sometimes.
When my son was still at home, he didn't always agree with our decisions, but he didn't openly argue with us (most of the time)about decisions we made. Our daughter, on the other hand, while she may actually deep down agree with our decisions....she would NEVER admit that. She tells me that we're crazy, or that we're over protective, etc. She is quite verbal about this. Frankly, that really irritates me.
Do you feel that your teen respects your decisions? Why or why not?
I'd say 95% of the time, all of our kids do what they're told...even if they don't want to... DH and I don't really give the kids a choice on the *respect*, you either respect or you're (the kids) are gonna lose big time. In the same breath, I want to say, that respect has to go both ways. If we don't respect things that they want/believe then I don't think we'd get the respect we do get. (like other posters stated, finding out what the child wants and considering it before making a decision).
I don't know if this is getting off topic, but I wanted to add something: A couple of weeks ago, my DD (15) did something really wrong (not so *bad*, just really wrong)in turn, she lost her phone for 1 week. After all the drama was over (and Lordy was there a bunch of drama!), I think she respected us a little more because we stood our ground...showing that we love her unconditionally...she even seemed to be happier, no phone.. so she acually spent time with the family.
This is a good one for me right now, and has really made me think. I will not allow my 13 y.o. soon to be 14 dd to have a belly button piercing. Initially, I had a hard line stance of "not till you're 18". However, I recently told her that when she's 16, if she still wants it, she can have it with my blessings. Well, lo and behold this isn't good enough for dd. It was for awhile, but now it seems that everyone of her friends has one (probably not true, of course) and one friend got it for her 14th birthday. So, you guessed it, dd wants it for her 14th birthday. The question asked alot is why I won't let her. The other responses made me realize that perhaps this is one of those "because I'm the parent, that's why" decisions. And does she respect it? No.
Pages
I think they do, for the most part. I try not to be too overbarring (sp?) and have always let them make their own decisions, within reason, of course. I like to think that I provide guidance more than decision making for them. So far so good. Both kids are good kids who cause us minimal problems.
Did I answer your question? LOL
Mily
We've never had any issues with this. We will typically ask our children their opinions about most everything and have rarely taken the "we're the parents and this is the decision we made" stance. Maybe it's because neither DH and I are very good at making decisions! This might not be the best route however, because they are just kids and perhaps shouldn't be burdened with some things. There are some decisions that DH and I, as adults, probably SHOULD make on our own.
Fortunately, we have not been in a position to have to make a decision that they would perceive to be one-sided, such as moving to another state ... or something like that. Nor have they have asked to participate in an activity or do something that was questionable to us. Doesn't mean it won't happen, it just hasn't yet.
Edited 11/6/2005 9:24 pm ET by julesnalpine
Yes I do, not that I make a whole lot of hard and fast decisions that concern them without their input.... Now that I think about it, I can't think about any!
I can't add anything to what Rose said...
Makes a big difference If they feel heard.
This is pretty much what we've always done with our teens and for the most part, yes, they do respect our final decisions and why. We discuss things, we try to see things from thier perspectives and we help them to see things from ours. And, we make sure that if we're taking a hard line on a particular decision that they fully understand why before laying down the law.
And I can't remember ever a time when I've said, "Because I'm the parent, that's why" - that's just not my style of parenting. H would like to be that way at times, but he usually doesn't.
Hi,
When my son was still at home, he didn't always agree with our decisions, but he didn't openly argue with us (most of the time)about decisions we made. Our daughter, on the other hand, while she may actually deep down agree with our decisions....she would NEVER admit that. She tells me that we're crazy, or that we're over protective, etc. She is quite verbal about this. Frankly, that really irritates me.
Nancy
Do you feel that your teen respects your decisions? Why or why not?
I'd say 95% of the time, all of our kids do what they're told...even if they don't want to... DH and I don't really give the kids a choice on the *respect*, you either respect or you're (the kids) are gonna lose big time. In the same breath, I want to say, that respect has to go both ways. If we don't respect things that they want/believe then I don't think we'd get the respect we do get. (like other posters stated, finding out what the child wants and considering it before making a decision).
I don't know if this is getting off topic, but I wanted to add something: A couple of weeks ago, my DD (15) did something really wrong (not so *bad*, just really wrong)in turn, she lost her phone for 1 week. After all the drama was over (and Lordy was there a bunch of drama!), I think she respected us a little more because we stood our ground...showing that we love her unconditionally...she even seemed to be happier, no phone.. so she acually spent time with the family.
Respect has to be earned.
Thats my 2cents.
Sandy
This is a good one for me right now, and has really made me think. I will not allow my 13 y.o. soon to be 14 dd to have a belly button piercing. Initially, I had a hard line stance of "not till you're 18". However, I recently told her that when she's 16, if she still wants it, she can have it with my blessings. Well, lo and behold this isn't good enough for dd. It was for awhile, but now it seems that everyone of her friends has one (probably not true, of course) and one friend got it for her 14th birthday. So, you guessed it, dd wants it for her 14th birthday. The question asked alot is why I won't let her. The other responses made me realize that perhaps this is one of those "because I'm the parent, that's why" decisions. And does she respect it? No.
Pages