Rules if you have a teen driver

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Rules if you have a teen driver
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Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:57am

Wow - I haven't posted to this board in a few years, I think. I hope everyone here is doing well.

Some background: I have a 17 year old daughter who will be a senior in the Fall. She got her drivers license in May, after almost a year of driving on her permit.California states that drivers must have 50 hours behind the wheel with a licensed adult before attempting to pass the license test. She must have had about 300 hours with us and passed her test on the first attempt. She has her own car and so far has had no accidents. Also, she doesn't drink/do drugs and is very against it.

Also, most of her friends and social events are all over town which involves lots of freeway driving since she attends a private school that draws students from all over our area here in Northern California.

My question: If you have a new driver in the house, what rules do you have for them? My rules are as follows:

1- Must call me from her cell when she arrives at her destination and when she sets out for home.

2- When driving herself anywhere (as opposed to being dropped off by one of us), she must be home before dark, which is about 8:45-9pm here on the West Coast these days. So, if she wants to go anywhere and stay later than that, we have to take her and pick her up.

3- There is a narrow, winding freeway that goes through the local mountains to the beaches on the coast. She isn't allowed to drive it or go in cars with other teen drivers on it.

What do you think? What are your rules? Also, note that here in California there's a new law that says new drivers must drive for one year on their license before they can take any unlicensed passengers under age 25 with them. I think its a great law, but it also means that she has to drive places alone, so that part isn't so great.

I must admit that this driving business is the biggest challenge I've encountered as a parent. It's really going to take some getting used to for me. Thanks in advance.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:15am

Mary - it's SO good to 'see' you!

Pam
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:21am

Your rule #1 brought back memories for me. Up until my mom died a few years ago, whenever my sister or I left her house after visiting, we were to call her when we arrived home. My sister and I both lived approx. 30-45 min away from her house, but we were grown women with families of our own. But we didn't mind, mainly because we *did* have families of our own and knew how moms worry. After my mom passed, my sister and I would often comment on how much we missed *having* to call mom when we got home. That source of knowing how much she cared was gone.

Anyway...back to your rules...

We live in the flatlands of West Texas so I never really had to worry about the things so many people have to deal with living in huge cities and mountainous driving. I probably would've gone nuts. Therefore, I hate to even comment on any of your rules. :) #2, although completely understandable (given where you live, etc) and surely a good rule for a new driver, I'm just curious, what are you going to do when the time changes in the fall? Granted, she will be in school most of that time, but will there not be school functions she will want to attend that will keep her out after dark? Trust me, I am *not* questioning your rule at all, just curious what you might do when it starts getting dark earlier.

Given where we live, basically, my only rules were to call me when you get there, no drinking and driving or riding with anyone who is, and no "road trips" the 1st year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:25am

Hi, Pam. Thanks for the welcome back and for your input on my driving question.

It is amazing (and a little sad - sniff!) that they are so grown up, isn't it? The high school years just seem to have flown by.

I realized that I've missed this place and hope to keep up on things here once again.

Take care,

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:36am

First, I want to offer condolences on your mom's passing. My mom still likes it if I do the same thing when I go anywhere - I'm 50 and she's 86, so I can understand that way of thinking.

Yes - I am wondering what to do about the school events. By then, she will have driven all summer, so I will probably grit my teeth and let her drive herself home from the school mixers at 11pm.

That is nice to live in area where the roads aren't as hazardous. I always think of the folks up in Wisconsin or back East where the winter driving is so bad. I don't know what I'd do short of sedatives (joke). The worst has to be L.A. We were down there over Easter break. Wow - 24 hour carpool lanes! You know its bad if they have those.

Thanks for your input and take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:58am

I don't have a teen driver yet (still over a year away) but I grew up in Northern California (SoCal now) so I just had to respond!

<<3- There is a narrow, winding freeway that goes through the local mountains to the beaches on the coast. She isn't allowed to drive it or go in cars with other teen drivers on it.>>

I had my first (and only) major car crash on this freeway! I ran right into the back of a construction truck in my Nissan Sentra and completely smashed the front end! I still drove the thing to the beach and back home again though!

I agree that most of your rules are reasonable with the exception of the driving after dark. It's only a matter of time before the seasons change again and it would be unrealistic for your DD to have to be home before 5:00pm in the fall and winter months!

My DD attends a school that is about an hour away from home, the commute is pretty hairy, and I can't even begin to know how I will handle her driving herself to school, friends, etc. on these freeways when the time comes! Just this past weekend I drove her to a friends' house and it took me an hour and 20 minutes to get her there. It will be some time before I would be comfortable for her to drive herself around in this traffic.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:05pm

Hi Mary, I'm also from northern California and I know exactly which narrow winding road you are talking about - the road to Santa Cruz, right? LOL, I don't blame you for restricting that one. I'm even afraid to drive it sometimes.

I can't be of much help b/c my ds16 is still on his permit and racking up the hours. He also can't take his test before 6 months on the permit, if you recall, so for him that will be in October when he turns 17. I'm kind of glad we waited this long, can't say the same for him. The new law is also driving me crazy. I see the "reasoning" behind it, but wasn't 6 months long enough? Why a year? It's not very commuter friendly, if you ask me, especially with these gasoline prices. When a group of teens is going to the same place, and none of them have had their license longer than a year, each one of them has to take their vehicle TO THE SAME PLACE. The law makers think that is "safer" b/c a bunch of teens in one car = trouble; I ask you, how is it any better when they're each in their own cars "racing" each other to the same place? Personally, I'm not fond of the law and I see kids are breaking it all the time, as long as they know parents won't know about it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 5:28pm

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I've wondered about this too. Plus, how do teens date any more? It sounds like the days when a boy asked a girl out, picked her up at her house, met her parents, etc., are over? Do we drive our kids to the 'date place' and then go back later and pick them up again? What if it's dinner and a movie? Do we sit in the restaurant parking lot during dinner so we can drive our DD's to the movie? Egad.

I can see some restrictions for safety's sake, but this may be a bit of an overkill. I'm kinda hung-up on the whole 'price of gas' issue.

Thank goodness DD is still well over a year away from her license. I have all that much longer to worry about it!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 5:57pm

Thanks so much. I'm not surprised that your one and only accident was on Highway 17. It is really a treacherous road for even the best drivers! DD had to drop something off at a friend's that lives in Los Gatos right off 17 one night a few weeks back. I told her that I had to go with her and that I even wouldn't mind driving since the exits off 17 are very abrupt and easy to miss. She insisted on driving and ended up passing the last exit into Los Gatos and having to follow a semi up the hill to turn around at the summit. She was very tense until she could turn back and I had to keep my cool, because I felt like if I got upset she would get even more upset.

I'm sorry now that I said what I did about the LA freeways because the last thing I would want to do is impose my worried nature on another parent. I guess the really horrific thing is the heaviness of the traffic and how long it takes to get anywhere.

I know I'm going to have to adjust my feelings and rules about the night driving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 6:06pm

Yes, its Highway 17! What really blows me away are the number of high school kids that drive over there at night for beach bonfire parties. I would have a heart attack if my kid did that! Fortunately, DD would probably never be invited though, since she isn't in the "cool", emulating Laguna Beach crowd (thank God!)

I know of many, many instances of kids breaking the new no passengers rule. DD has one friend that has consistently driven others from the day she got her license. Her parents don't know and I don't know the parents well and learned my lesson when DD was in 7th grade about being the "good samaritan" informant parent that tells the other parent what their child is up to just out of consideration for the child's safety - been there, been majorly burned by that! My policy now is that I only do this if the parent has asked me to. DD is never allowed to go with her, of course.

I never thought about the "racing" aspect of being in separate cars. OK - a new one to worry about, LOL!

Thanks for your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 6:12pm

I actually see "plusses" to the dating issue with the driving restrictions.

Recently, my DD mentioned wanting to go on a date with a guy that I think might have certain expectations since he's already in college and has had a serious relationship. I also know from mutual friends of his parents that he got a speeding ticket. I told DD that she could, at most, meet up with him for dinner or lunch (preferably lunch) in her own car and come home in her own car and that she was to go nowhere else with him in his car during the course of the date.

She was very agreeable to it and has an unusually heavy conscience, so I don't think she would violate the rules that were set.

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