Rules if you have a teen driver
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:57am |
Wow - I haven't posted to this board in a few years, I think. I hope everyone here is doing well.
Some background: I have a 17 year old daughter who will be a senior in the Fall. She got her drivers license in May, after almost a year of driving on her permit.California states that drivers must have 50 hours behind the wheel with a licensed adult before attempting to pass the license test. She must have had about 300 hours with us and passed her test on the first attempt. She has her own car and so far has had no accidents. Also, she doesn't drink/do drugs and is very against it.
Also, most of her friends and social events are all over town which involves lots of freeway driving since she attends a private school that draws students from all over our area here in Northern California.
My question: If you have a new driver in the house, what rules do you have for them? My rules are as follows:
1- Must call me from her cell when she arrives at her destination and when she sets out for home.
2- When driving herself anywhere (as opposed to being dropped off by one of us), she must be home before dark, which is about 8:45-9pm here on the West Coast these days. So, if she wants to go anywhere and stay later than that, we have to take her and pick her up.
3- There is a narrow, winding freeway that goes through the local mountains to the beaches on the coast. She isn't allowed to drive it or go in cars with other teen drivers on it.
What do you think? What are your rules? Also, note that here in California there's a new law that says new drivers must drive for one year on their license before they can take any unlicensed passengers under age 25 with them. I think its a great law, but it also means that she has to drive places alone, so that part isn't so great.
I must admit that this driving business is the biggest challenge I've encountered as a parent. It's really going to take some getting used to for me. Thanks in advance.

Pages
Oh ... these times are a'changing', aren't they? Probably not for the better, either. Even though our parents had their own sets of worries, issues today seem so much more extreme, don't you think?
Wow, it's so great to hear someone else working through the same issues. My daughter is 16 and just got her license about a month ago. She has a summer job and is a good student. I have similar rules: call when leaving and arriving, and so far no driving alone after dark. She is not too happy, but oh well. How does your daughter react to your rules?
At the same time, I'm also striving to find a balance in her social activities. She wants to spend time with her friends, which I understand, and again she is working, too. I feel like she should have a minimum number of nights to spend at home with the family, but haven't been able to decide what is reasonable. She is really pushing for her independence right now, and I want to be fair, but remain in control at the same time.
Any feedback?
My, lots of Californians here! I grew up driving the freeways of L.A., though now I live in Santa Barbara and hate driving down there. And I've also driven that treacherous stretch of highway in N. Cal -- I was thinking to myself as I was reading the posts, "I'll bet they're talking about Hwy. 17!" I drove it when I was 17, on a miserable, foggy-drizzly day in July. I think the only thing that got me through was following the taillights of the truck in front of me.
Anyway, this is quite an ironic thread for me, since just tonight I signed up my DD for an online Driver's Ed Course. She just turned 15, but won't have time to take the course after school starts, so she'll do it now and review the DMV handbook before she takes the test for her Learner's Permit after Thanksgiving. I haven't even started thinking about rules yet, though she knows she'll have to follow all the new CA state laws. They're a pain in that most of her older friends can't drive her places, but I also know that it's safer that way. Times sure have changed -- I got my Learner's Permit when I was 15 and 7 months, learned to drive at school and got my license on my 16th birthday. I took my friends out to lunch that day, since we were allowed to leave school at lunch time (and I was the only kid who had a car at my disposal!).
Good luck to us all with our novice drivers!
Deborah
Hi:
I have a 17 y.o. DD. We have similar rules here in MA--for the 1st 6 mos. after getting a license (which is age 16 1/2) teens can't drive w/ any other people under 18 in the car unless an adult is present. I was so happy when that 6 mos. was over because I know that a few times my DD must have broken that rule, although I never caught her. She did admit that she had done it though. I brought it up because I want her to know that she really can't get anything by me. Another stupid aspect of that rule, of everyone going separately to the same place, is that you have 16 y.o. girls out after dark alone, which isn't always great. I didn't impose the no driving after dark rule, 1st because she got her lic. in Nov., so that would mean she couldn't go anywhere, and mostly she is only driving in our small town, not on the highway. The thing that amazed me is that apparently I was the only parent in MA that actually tried to enforce that rule! Yes, I'm exaggerating, but she did tell me that other parents didn't even try. I don't know what kind of example that is for kids. Even if you think a law doesn't make sense, how can you say, well, you don't have to follow it? If they got caught, it was a 30 day license suspension for the 1st offense, 60 for the next, etc.
The other rule we have is no driving after midnight for kids under 18, which is great because we don't have to argue about a curfew. She has been good about getting home on time except for 2 occasions. The first was the prom, which was at the school. Her date drove her though, which was probably a cop-out on my part, but that was his parents' problem. I'm sure there was noone at the prom who was driven by their parents either. The only other occasion was that she went to a Red Sox game. She is a major fan and it's almost impossible to get tickets to a home game. Don't you know that it was a night when there was a rain delay, so they were a little late getting out. She only drove from our house to the subway cause I really wouldn't want her driving in downtown Boston, esp. with the crowds after a game. She got home about 12:30 and I was really nervous that she would get caught on that 15 min. drive home, but she didn't.
She is responsible and doesn't drink or use drugs, but I think a lot of accidents are caused by speeding or just inexperience. With her, I'd worry about going too fast.
No talking on the cell while driving is a law in Illinois until age 18...I think they only enforce it as a secondary because I cant quite see them perfectly determining ages as drivers go by
I think its a good rule although difficult to enforce
I limited night time driving and driving on interstates-for a little while. I wanted him to be confident at lower speeds first(OK, I WANTED to get more confident with lower speeds first)
Dating? Usually theres enough of an age difference here that they're not both new drivers and subject to restrictions
What I hate is that the police rarely seem to enforce the laws here in IL.
Thanks to all of you for your input. Its very helpful. Its good to know some people actually have rules for their kids - please see below :-( Too bad i can't put the "thank you" emoticon (for all of you) with the "angry" emoticon (regarding my story below) as a combination.
Its so ironic that I got some time to jump on this board today as I sit here fuming about whats going on at this moment regarding teen driving issues. I dropped DD off (one hour drive, VERY hairy freeway situation - fyi for those of you who know the area - its 880 north into Fremont - that's why I rode over with her)at a friend's about an hour ago. While nice, this group of friends is really flakey when it comes to making plans. About half an hour after dd arrived, she phoned me to say that the girl's mom (friend doesn't drive yet) was going to drop them off at one of the local malls to meet some other friends and i should pick her up there after they shopped instead of back at the girl's house. OK, so far, so good, except that the mall is 15 minutes from my house vs. the distance from my house to the girl's house which is 1 hour away, so I could have totally avoided the miserable freeway drive to the girl's house. In fact, DD could have driven there herself.
Since I didn't hear from her for awhile and she had said she would call me from the mall, i called her. They hadn't left yet and she sounded sort of upset and told me that they were being dropped off at one of the other friend's houses and that that friend was going to drive them to the mall. The friend has only had her license a few months and is notorious for taxiing the non-drivers around in spite of it being against the law. I don't think her parents really care. DD knows that i don't want her riding with her, so she (very downcast, but compliant) just told me to pick her up at the girl's house when she called me after arriving there before the rest of them left for the mall.
Now she's called me back asking me to pick her up in 45 minutes at the original girl's house after being there about 2 hours, when these people live almost one hour away. I'm figuring that the other girl has made plans to go out with the one that takes passengers and shouldn't and probably just decided to 'tolerate' dd for an hour longer and then go off with the lawbreakers - well, that's a bit harsh, i guess, but you catch my drift.
Thanks for listening. I'm just so upset that its so difficult to find other parents that are cognizant of safety rules and that people just act like you're a paranoid freak if you are careful about this stuff.
sounds like a frustrating, wasted day, driving just for the sake of going back again. That would irk me, too.
I wanted to pitch in my 2 cents about rules. The biggest rule I set when my son got his license was first, no talking on the phone while driving (now he has and uses a headset) and, even more importantly, leave the stupid stereo alone! If you want to put in a disk, do it before you pull out, do it at a red light, or just plain pull over, but other wise, leave it alone! You don't have to change stations to chase good music, just set it to something that is usually good and go with it.
Then, ask before you go anywhere, go where you say you are going, straight there and straight back, call if plans change for any reason, no passengers unless family members for the first 6 months (that one I changed very soon to include only 1 friend, the law says not more than 3, he got caught with 4....) and be home when you say you'll be here, or call if that changes. Basically, my rules were "don't get distracted" and "be respectful of others." But I never put it that way. And just last night, I was sitting here worried sick because he told me the park closed at 7, I figured they'd be back here in an hour, maybe a little more, so at 8, I was watching for them, at 830, I was worried, by 9 I was sick, and I started calling him, but he was out of cell service, and by the time he called me back (he knew he was in it deep after I left 6 messages that just said "call home" on his voice mail, if I'm brief, he'd in trouble!) I was just about to start calling the hospitals, who I knew wouldn't be able to tell me if he was there (he's 18 now...) so I was gonna have to go over there. And, he was no where near where he was supposed to be. He's been toeing the line all day today! LOL
I like your rules. I also have the no cell phone rule and no messing with the stereo rule. The last one is easier with satillite radios and IPOD hookups. The cell phone is hard to police but necessary.
The other thing that I am a pain about is making sure the driver knows where they are going and how to get there, and what to do if they miss a turn or an exit. There is also 1 road in our area which many parents have made off-limits or prohibited left turns. You might check on line where the most dangerous intersections are in your area and see if you can figure out how to avoid them.
Pages