Rules for Overnight Stays??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Rules for Overnight Stays??
10
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:19pm

My dd has been out of hand over the summer, and I know it's my fault. She has gotten to where she has 2 friends spend the night almost every night (it's not always the same two girls, but mostly it is). I don't mind having the girls over. In fact, I tell my hubby that at least we know they're ok if their at our house. The problem is that they stay up until 5 a.m. almost every night. Me and hubby both have to work during the day. And we have 3 other little ones (ages 6 and under). Last night, they were up watching a scary movie, and some boys were prank calling them. Because they had watched the scary movie, they were freaked out and started screaming. Hubby finally got up and told them to get to bed!! The other catch is that my 6 yo daughter likes to stay home w/her (the 13 yo) during the day instead of going to daycare w/the other 2. So my 13 yo stays up all night, and then doesn't want to get up in the a.m. to watch the 6 yo. I don't want my 6 yo up by herself all day! Even though we do have a house alarm. Anyway, my hubby and I talked this morning and here are the new rules we're starting tonight. Only 1 person over during the week, and they must go to bed at midnight. This is for their own health and our sanity! On the weekends, she can have 2 stay over and stay up as late as they want. What do you all think? Also, what rules do you have when kids stay the night? We also started a new rule about a week ago that they must stay out of the kitchen after 11 p.m. Otherwise, they seriously eat all our food!! It was getting very noticeable how many extra trips I was having to take to the store for muchie-type items and juice, etc...




Edited 6/25/2007 1:35 pm ET by times4
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:32pm

IMO, your new rules are more than generous - my kids have never been able to have overnight guests during the week, summer included.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:34pm
I think since you and your dh have to get up early and she's supposed to get up to take care of her little sister that sleepovers should be limited to the weekend.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:34pm
I am a teen and my moms rules are that we have to stay completely quiet aand if we are not they are not aloud to come over again. Also, that off the phone by 11 and she makes us get up when we are suppose to be or even earlier if we give her a hard time one mornin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:41pm
She watches her on Mon, Wed, Thursday. On Tues and Fri, she goes to daycare to give my 13 yo a break. This is the first summer that we've done this. My 6 yo plays w/the nighbor kids a lot during the day, so she generally stays out of my 13 yo's hair. The neighbor's parents know that we're not home, and they're fine w/ it. They're all usually outside playing together. My 13 yo doesn't have a huge problem watching her, except that I expect her to be up at 9:30 in the a.m. My hubby goes home for lunch every day, so he get them lunch.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:51pm
I never let my DD have sleepovers during the week, just because I knew they would be keeping us up, even if they were just talking--our house just isn't that soundproof. Even on the weekends, I wouldn't let them stay up as late as they wanted to either. Plus I only let one person sleep over at a time unless it was a birthday party or a rare occasion.
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 2:08pm

When my boys were younger, I didn't mind someone spending the night during the week. But, it was usually only one night a week during the week. Usually, there was another sleepover come the weekend. :) During the week, they had to be quiet after about 10:30--not necessarily asleep, but quiet. And, with my little house, they *really* had to be quiet, because it was so easy for me to hear the noise.

I never had my older son watch the younger during the summer. I thought it was way too much responsibility for a kid and really, not fair to him either. I figured the older one needed a stress-free summer as much as the younger one. My younger would have *killed* to stay home with his brother, but I never made it an option. Besides, our daycare provider had a wonderful summer program that the kids really enjoyed, so that helped. Do you pay your dd to watch the 6 yo? Is this a job your dd asked for or agreed to take on as a job?

As far as food goes, my grocery bill always practically doubled during the summer. The kids were home all day and tended to munch all day. :) Well, maybe not all day, but after a few hours outside on their bikes or at the swimming pool, they would be starving and would eat anything that would stand still long enough! It really didn't make a *huge* difference if they had someone spending the night or not. What *I* had to make a rule on was "no feeding the neighborhood." I think I had done *too* good a job teaching my children to share! LOL

Your rules sound very reasonable to me; generous even, with the midnight thing, but I would seriously consider making the 6 yo go to your daycare provider (especially since you already have 2 other kids going). Now, if your dd wants to do it as a paying gig, that's different--in which case the week-day sleepovers would have to cease and desist in order for her to do her job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 2:12pm

My son is 13. He is allowed to have friends over only on a Friday night. Additionally, he has to have a week in-between guests, so every other week he can have friends sleep over. Our rule is no food past 9 pm and lights out at 11 pm. Chores in the morning before breakfast (yes I put his friends to work), breakfast as a family and then they can do what they wish for the day (but must go home by 4pm Saturday).

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 2:24pm

Wow, great advice! Thank you! No, my 13 yo doesn't get paid to watch her. We started it more to keep her "grounded" (not as in punishment, but to let her know that we expected her to stay home and not run the streets all day), and to teach responsibility. It also helps us save on daycare - which would be $75 per week for her.

Lately I've just felt that everything I do with her is wrong. She gets on to me and hubby for the dumbest things. I know it's all part of being a teen, but I want my quiet, perfect girl back!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:16pm
my mom was always really chill about it. I'm 17 now so she doesn't really care who sleeps over. but she also works at 5:30 3 days a week. so i almost never let people stay over on thise day; just to be considered. if i have people over the only rules are guys can't sleep in the same as as the girls i.e they either have to sleep on the floor or in the spare bedroom. if anyone has to work the next day they have to get up and go ( if they don't my mom bands sleepovers for 2 weeks). they're 3 teenaged girls in the house and at least one of us has a friend over or is staying at a Friend's during the summer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:38pm

Since you're saving $75 a week on day care, maybe you could pay your 13 y/o half that for taking care of little sis - and that way you can frame it as more of a job for her, and end the sleepovers on the nights before she watches little sis as part of her "job?"


I hate to tell you this, but you're not going to have your sweet little girl back for a few years yet - I've finally got mine, and she turns 16 next week.