Sad week for me
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| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 11:36am |
Grad this upcoming weekend and my son wont be there. All the work, encouragement, fighting, frustration over the past 12 years were all for not. I still can't believe that with 4 months to go he quit school. There is nothing I wanted more than to see him graduate with his class. I see all the other parents around our small town excited about their child's big weekend - it is all making me so sad. My son doesnt show any emotion about it and doesnt seem to care (I'm sure part of him does) but I am just so disappointed. The school system failed us big time and I feel like I have failed my son.
To top it off, the school sent me ANOTHER letter yesterday saying I owe them $59 for a textbook that hasnt been returned and it will go to collections if I dont cough up the money (son says he returned it 6 months ago) - I've been back and forth with them about this book for months. I lost it on them bigtime this morning - composure of course is gone now due to this whole grad thing. I know its not a lot of money but it makes me mad - son isnt even in school anymore and this was months ago. My daughter has to attend at this school in 2 years so I dont want to cause a lot of friction in case it comes back on her but I'm just so angry. I have paid for courses which he never ended up attending as well as grad fees of $65 which he now wont be attending (supposed to be getting a refund for this) and they are after me for a $59 book - sheesh. They said they'd take the $59 off the $65. I dont know - maybe I should just pay them and be done with it.
Anyway, sorry, I'm just in a real crappy mood.

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{{{tamahar}}} I'm so sorry this is happening. Last year when my now 16dd said she wanted to drop out of school at 16, I was so crushed, embarrassed, and fearful for her future. I know that what I felt is only probably half of what you feel now and I'm so sorry - All your hopes and dreams for your son have been shattered, but not lost.
He can still have a future. For some, they just need to take the longer route to get where they are going. Perhaps getting his GED and enrolling in some tech classes or community college courses a little at a time will be his route. Perhaps he needs to work for a couple of years before he realizes that he needs his degree and then he'll go get his GED. You just never know. Sometimes, learning the hard way is a better way - for future reference.
You're right, he probably does feel like crap; it'd be hard not to notice his peers all getting ready for the graduation he chose to give up and I'm sure somewhere inside he's regretting that choice. He has to live with that, you don't need to remind him of it. I wouldn't say anything to him about it unless he brings it up and even then, tread lightly. Just tell him that your hope is that one day he will at least get his GED and take some courses to complete his education.
Re: The money for the book....hmmm...our HS once accused dd of not turning in a book, but she swore she did. So, one day after school was out, she and I went to the school and asked a janitor to open up her English classroom and we searched the shelves and found the book assigned to dd that they said was missing. I took the book and thier fee notice to the office and demanded that they clear the record and give me dd's report card (they had held it until I paid the $55). Any way you could search the shelves yourself? Or, put it back on ds - tell him unless he can produce the book or prove he returned it, he has to come across with the $59. Maybe that will give him some incentive to find the book, whether it is at school or crammed under his bed.
Go easy on yourself, you didn't fail your son, he failed himself. I know that's hard to swallow when you're seeing things as they are. Gentle hugs - I hope you feel better.
Deb
I can feel your pain and frustration, but hopefully it will ease somewhat once the graduation ceremony and all is over with.
Personally, I feel my DS-17 is wasting his time in school. He'll be a senior next year, has to do summer school this year... and regularly fails his classes.
He could easily pass his GED right now and get on to what he wants to do in life. This past year he made the highest grade in his class/school for both the TAKS and PSAT. I personally don't feel he's going to learn much more in high school. He's an avid reader and researcher already (one time was reading a physics book out of boredom) ..... and has a bad habit of constantly correcting his teachers, which certainly doesn't endear him to them.
As far as school books, btdt. I think he was in 6th grade when they told me I owed for 4 or 5 books. They withheld his report card. He'd already told me basically what he'd made, so I said "screw 'em." One by one suddenly the books were being found at school... arghhhh. I think only one they couldn't find in the end. He had told me that he thought other kids were taking things out of his bookbag, and I believed him. (he had some serious socialization skills problems at the time.)
So anyway, chin up... once the "big day" is over, I hope you'll feel a little better. True that your DS was much closer to graduating than mine, but this just may be his path. What does he think about getting his GED, working and/or taking college classes at night?
zz
hugs tamara...
you know that i am also going thru difficulties with my son. It took me a long time to move from viewing him thru 'where he should be' to seeing him 'as he is' and learning to accept him, at each stage. and no, its not easy. its not your fault, its not the school's fault --- sometimes its a lot of different power working together...
hang in there. its sad that your son dropped out of school but remember that the important thing is where he is going in life, and as much as you would like him to be part of this ---- 'graduation' is one day in his life...
hugs...
After he told me he returned the book, I did a thorough search of his room, backpack etc. and its no where to be found. His locker was cleaned out in February when he left school and there was nothing in there either. It just makes me mad that they are pursuing this book issue so adamently especially when the kid is no longer there. They did NOTHING for him when he made his decision to quit - no call from the prinicpal, counsellors, no options offered - they were just happy to be rid of him. I'm so tempted to write a letter to the school board but again, being in such a small town it would have ramifications against my daugther.
She is the opposite of my son - a total overacheiver, honour student, social butterfly, all the teachers love her and she loves school more than anything. I just hate to see her go into a situation in a couple of years at this high school where she is already labelled as "Andrew's sister" and a possible troublemaker. Putting her in a new school would be my LAST option as she loves our little town and all her friends. I guess right now I shouldnt worry about stuff thats so far down the road.
I'm having such a hard time with DS right now. He's not working, shows NO interest in getting a job or going to school. He plays video games all day and when he's not doing that at home, he's at his friend's house who is also a dropout, doing the same thing. I have given him a deadline of July 23 - a week after his 18th bday - to have a job or he will have to move out. I have offered my assistance in numerous ways but he shrugs it off. He refuses to see a counselor (I think he definitely has some depression issues) and says he's fine. I'm going to keep him close to home this weekend as I dont want him anywhere near any grad parties, might be some major problems there.
I am going to take him next weekend to try for his driver's license (right now he still has a learners). I'm hoping that if he passes, it might prompt him to get a job as I told him I'd buy him a car (cheap beater) and he could pay me back a portion little by little when he got the job since I refuse to ensure him on my new car. I think part of his problem is self-esteem and depression but yet I know the other part is truly laziness. He's been like this forever - never wants to work for anything.
Anyway, if I get ANOTHER notice from the school, I'm just going to say ta heck with it and tell them to take it off the $65 they owe me and be done with it. I'm pretty stubborn by nature but I've had enough of it all. Counting the days until school is over.
>>>already labelled as "Andrew's sister" and a possible troublemaker>>>
My older dd had a bit of this issue in our local HS when my 16dd was still there. My 16dd was not well liked by a small number of educators and administrators in that school and so when my older dd happened to get a teacher that younger dd had, she felt like she had to prove that she was nothing like her sister. Most times it wasn't a big deal and the teacher quickly learned that 18dd was not like her sister, but the asst principal has always been condescending to 18dd and just plain snotty to her for no reason that we can think of other than having to do with 16dd's run-in's with him in the past. This man is mostly cordial to my H and me, but I can see right through him - he basically has this idea in his head that we're bad parents. He fails to see that my dd has, was, and is dealing with mental issues beyond her control at times. Thankfully, she is no longer in that HS, but 18dd is. However, 18dd is doing very well and doesn't allow people like the asst principal get to her - there will always be people like that around, whether your son tainted things for sister or not, KWIM?
Your dd sounds like a great kid and she will shine on her own merits regardless of her brother's reputation. Hugs tamahar.
I've sent him links to different schools - ones for upgrading, technical school, colleges, even one that focuses exclusively on computer/video game development. He did show some interest in that one and they had an open house last week. I offered to take him but he said no, he didnt want to go (probably once he saw he needed his GED).
I did however send him a link yesterday to a student job bank site. When he was at his friend's house I checked the history on his computer and noticed that he had searched about 10 different jobs on that so we'll see if anything becomes of it. I honestly feel that I have offered as much help and encourage as I can - now it is up to him. He has the deadline and I will follow thru with my threat. Might have to be tough love time to get him moving (as hard as it will be on me). SIGH!
Sorry you're having a tough week! I can imagine how blue you must feel with all the graduation excitement buzzing all around you. {{{hugs}}} I'm pretty sure your DS is feeling a little down about it too.
I've posted the story of my DH and his education before, but for what it's worth, here it is again ....
DH HATED school. FIL and MIL were both teachers/administrators in the school district so this was especially tough -- having a kid who was barely passing his classes. Thankfully, he did have enough credits in January to leave school forever, so he did. He didn't go back for prom, graduation ... nothing. He spent one semester at a 4-year university and dropped out.
Because DH was not at all motivated to find his way in the world, and FIL was determined that he do just that, FIL considered his strengths and interests (mathematics, etc.) and pretty much without DH's involvement, enrolled him in an electronics program at a local vocational school and that's where DH found his calling. He has had a very successful career in the IT field since then, in spite of the hs hiccup and lack of college degree. Though it might be more difficult now, there IS hope for your DS! He might just need a big push to get him going.
Hang in there, and more hugs to you!
Julie
What a tough week for you.....made even harder by the school's red tape.
(((HUGS))) for you (and for your son, who is probably sad but can't/won't show it).
Sue
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