Safety v/s Fulfillment

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
Safety v/s Fulfillment
36
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 9:55am

I have a question. I know most parents would prefer their teens not have sex. But when we choose too anyhow, do you prefer that we have enjoyable and fulfilling sexual encounters or awkwardness and disenchantment?

I feel pretty lucky because I know my mom only cares about my safety. A lot of my friends seem to have parents who give very mixed messages. My favorite is, "Sex is something special," but then the only place their teens can find to have sex is in the back of a car! (IMHO that so very unromantic and uncomfortable). I even knew one girl who lost her virginity in a movie theater restroom.

I would say all parents want their kids safe i.e. no pregnancy or STDs. But how do you personally feel about your son or daughter being sexually satisfied?

Holley

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 4:53pm

I'm sure you do think you are very mature.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 5:01pm

Ok, now I've read all the other posts. And, this one really gets me. She's superMOM? She lets some dipsh*t a** beat the he** out of her kids and she's superMOM? I don't think so. OMG, sweetie, you need to do something else. You need to seek help really, really bad. You have an abusive father who is an alcoholic and a mother who is co-dependant and allowing her children to be abused. If your older brother is doing good, then you and all your younger siblings could go live with him while the courts are investigating your parents for abuse. And, yes, if mommy is not doing anything to stop the abuse, then she is abusing you too. It doesn't matter if he's mellowed out and things aren't as bad as they used to be. Abuse is abuse. And, if your boyfriend really cared about you, he'd be jumping through hoops to ensure your safety. Not just getting his rocks off with his cutie 16 y/o girl friend. KWIM? Making sure you were safe, before all else is what happens in a commited adult relationship, which is apparently NOT what you have with your boyfriend.

I hope you make some changes in your life. Maybe you need to contact the authorities for help. Even attorneys and doctors are held accountable for their actions.

HTH

Sallie

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 5:42pm

Not the same poster, well atleast not the same screen name.




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 7:25pm

Well, I decided to read all the posts before I replied, and I'm glad I did, coz that way I'm not going to repeat everything that all the other parents said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:15pm

Am I the only one who thinks this whole strand is a hoax? Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think anyone other than Macauly Culkin has a life as horrible as the one described. IMHO, "holley" is yanking everyone's chain, adding more and more terrible stuff in as soon as anyone expresses interest.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:17pm

Sorry, this is me - I forgot to change screen-names in between iVillage boards

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 9:49pm

Just for clarification I didn’t say my life was horrible. I love my life. I hate my dad, but he was never supposed to be part of this topic. If you think that what I have described is ‘horrible,’ then you are very very sheltered for an old person. I know kids at my school who can’t even afford to eat. I know people my age who have a new broken bone every month. I know a lot of teen mothers with no family help and a lot people my age who are addicts. I consider my life great. At least in comparison with so much of the bad.

You can believe what you want. I don’t care, but a few bad things in life don’t mean life is horrible.

The whole reason this topic was started was because my boyfriend and I were trying to figure out some stuff about parents. It got off topic, but that wasn’t my fault.

Holley

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:23pm

I was originally planning to stay away from this but your awkwardly worded question requires a response.
<<>>
You assert that this is a mixed message by the fact that parents make it difficult for teens to find places to have sex.
You have missed the point entirely.
Sex being special is not about your physical surroundings. In a car, in a tree or in a bed doesn't matter. What makes it "special" is getting emotionally naked as well as physically naked. Most younger teens do not have the capacity for an emotionally bonded relationship where you bare your soul. That is required to make sex "special". That is why you hear this expression from parents.
Most teen sex is simply itch scratching and as others have pointed out, there are other means to scratch that itch.

<<< But how do you personally feel about your son or daughter being sexually satisfied?>>
I want them safe and unhurt, both physically and emotionally. Their "satisfaction" is clearly none of my business, nor should it be.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:27pm

>>>You want asexual children until their like thirty then suddenly you want them to get married and give you grandchildren? That seems like the most un-realistic thing I have ever heard of.>>>

Hmmm, I never mentioned waiting till 30 and I KNOW I never mentioned grandchildren.

>>> However, I think your mother is doing you a great disservice by allowing you and your bf to live as husband and wife under her roof. <<<

>>>We personally love it. It works out very well for us and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. When my boyfriend has to pee late at night he still 'tip-toes' past my parents bedroom out of habit. It is so cute.>>>

Well, of course YOU love it - you get to play house and still get 'taken care of' by mommy. You get to live for free and do whatever you want to do, without restrictions, without guidance, without any thought for your future. I actually feel sorry for you and I can see by all the posts generated that I'm not alone in my thoughts. Your parents should be brought up on child abuse charges, both of them.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:31pm
You know Sue, I also thought that this was a hoax - at the beginning - and maybe my frame of reference today is not a good one . I fell for it hook, line and sinker, but at least a lot of people are sharing a lot of good thoughts! Even if 'holley' pulled a hoax on the board, surely the scenario she has painted for us is not that far from some people's reality, eh? lol