Safety v/s Fulfillment

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2006
Safety v/s Fulfillment
36
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 9:55am

I have a question. I know most parents would prefer their teens not have sex. But when we choose too anyhow, do you prefer that we have enjoyable and fulfilling sexual encounters or awkwardness and disenchantment?

I feel pretty lucky because I know my mom only cares about my safety. A lot of my friends seem to have parents who give very mixed messages. My favorite is, "Sex is something special," but then the only place their teens can find to have sex is in the back of a car! (IMHO that so very unromantic and uncomfortable). I even knew one girl who lost her virginity in a movie theater restroom.

I would say all parents want their kids safe i.e. no pregnancy or STDs. But how do you personally feel about your son or daughter being sexually satisfied?

Holley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 10:42am
This did go through my mind also, but you never know. And as far as someone's life not being this horrible, it isn't even the beginning of what I have seen doing "family" law, and I don't even get into the really horrible child abuse cases. Just to give you one example, my first and only court-appointed case to represent a mother whose child was going to be taken away from her because she was on drugs and a hooker. Apparently the pimp was more responsible than the mother because he would pick the kid up from school when her mother forgot. And this was going on in my relatively small town. I always thought hookers were just in the city. All the mother had to do to get her dd back was to stay off drungs, but she couldn't do it. And this is just a small example of things that I see every day, so this girl's story is pretty mild. Even what my DH went through in his childhood was a lot worse and his father was an executive w/ the telephone co and his mother was a nurse, so they were upper middle class people and educated, so it does happen everywhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 12:13pm

Yea, there are so many things that go on behind closed doors, rich or poor does not matter. I too work with the court system. One example I have in a criminal case we had, a lady's boyfriend was have sex with her daughter from the time she was about 10-11 y/o (it has been a while ago, can't remember exact age) until she was 14 y/o or so. The mom knew about it but did nothing but look the other way and defend the boyfriend. Well, we have had more than one of those cases, and yes in a small town too.

I know of something else going on in our small town, in a very small school, nothing criminal brought up yet though. A coach has been having an affair with a 15-16 y/o student and when the mother was questioned, she didn't think anything was wrong with it. The girl is going to try to graduate early, just so she and the coach can be together, move away to his hometown. And I KNOW this mother!! I am in a position that I think criminal & cps charges should be brought up, but it is the school's job to instigate it.

Holley may be making alot of things up, but then again, she may not be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 1:45pm
I have to agree with you on that one. As a teacher I see some stories that curl my hair. One beautiful teenage boy who has been begging to come live with me is in a group home. He's there, because his mom was a crack -addicted prostitute. She started prostituting HIM at the age of FIVE to get drug money. He was taken from her and put with an aunt and uncle who beat the living crap out of him every time them got drunk for about 5 years. Unfortunately, I could never take him as he has been separated from his sister becuase he was starting to molest her when he was 9 - and even though he's now 15, I can't take any chances with my own girls. And my own son comes from a background where he was physcially abused to the point of broken bones by his biological mom's boyfriends when he was a toddler. Then after she died while driving drunk when he was six, he was given to an uncle who was both physically and emotionally abusive. There he stayed for 8 years, going through two different brutally abusive step-moms, being locked in his room all the time, underfed drastically, etc. They finally got him out of there when he was 14 - and then terminated parental rights a YEAR later! I would not doubt any story of a horrible life - I've seen to many of them. And I can even see why someone would purge those details anonymously on an internet board, if they had nowhere else to turn :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 3:36pm

Sue,
You're not the only one who think that...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 6:18pm

I'm with you ladies, I don't doubt the abuse that OP talks about is real, I've seen too many much worse stories in my 25 years of health care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 6:36pm

Wow, Rose, you are quite adventurous. I'm blushing. I'm one who thought this thread might be a farce, not because I couldn't believe someone was abused that way, but just the nature of a teen coming on this board and feeling so comfortable dropping this kind of bomb among total strangers. The "my mom is a doctor and can stitch us up" was a red flag for me. But I concede I ***could*** be wrong.

This thread has become almost comical in some ways and I think you all have made great and insightful points. Maybe the OP sees things in a different light now. Maybe she understands that in the same way she might not like to overhear (or even think about) her parents "making whoopee" in the next room, the same might be true for some parents about their own kids (athough apparently not her own, but that is the least of her problems). Just the nature of the post imo speaks volumes about maturity level.

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